


Polaroids of You

by Barammisa



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Gay Panic, M/M, Makeup Artist San, Masturbation, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Sexual Frustration, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, betaed by google docs, bffs woosan, cursing, model seonghwa, multiple POVs, san centric, san is horny, socially inept seonghwa, this is more about sightseeing than fashion or makeup, tiny glimpses of yungi, woojoong in the background, yeosang likes seonghwa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:33:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 50,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25979038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Barammisa/pseuds/Barammisa
Summary: San is a newly graduated makeup artist. Seonghwa is a world famous supermodel.Their worlds collide as San somehow manages to land a job as Seonghwa’s makeup artist. The cold, anti-social Seonghwa immediately gets on San’s nerves, but if dealing with him means he gets to travel around the world, he'll gladly do it.But with a sudden request comes the opportunity to get to know each other better… And San’s sanity - and his job - are in danger.
Relationships: Choi San/Park Seonghwa, Jung Wooyoung/Kim Hongjoong
Comments: 56
Kudos: 228





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> i do not know anything about fashion, modeling or makeup and i have no idea why im writing this.. but i hope you enjoy! im having fun writing it at least
> 
> there wont actually be any sanhwa in this way too long prologue, but i promise you it'll come

**\- PROLOGUE -**

Graduating from University had felt strange to San. He had spent 4 years of his life there, and then suddenly, in 1 day, it was over and he was supposed to do.. what? He wasn’t quite sure. 

When Choi San, male, 24, had first started his studies as a makeup artist in Seoul, he hadn’t had any grand plans or in fact any thoughts of the future. He had simply followed his passion which just so happened to be make-up. Makeup artist had felt like a dream occupation to San, as it would let him do the one thing he was good at while also allowing him to be in contact with other people. Perfect, right?

Not really. During the years at the University, every professor and most of the students had told him time and time again that it’d be impossible to find a good job. Back then, San hadn’t paid any mind to it all. Why worry about the future when the present was so much more interesting?

But now, the present wasn’t interesting in the least. It was a full month after graduation (a month filled with doing nothing but staring at his dwindling bank account numbers), and San was feeling empty. He was sitting on his unmade bed in his small one-room apartment, back against the cold wall.

“Wooyoung.. I can barely believe it, but the future has caught up to me,” he whined to his friend who was sitting on the floor across San.

Jung Wooyoung, male, 24, his best friend, his soulmate, his confidant, just scoffed at him. “Didn’t I tell you. You should have gotten a job while still in school.”

San rolled his eyes. “And not focus on my studies? No way!”

“Work teaches you more than any school ever could!” Wooyoung huffed. Wooyoung had been working different jobs since he had been like 14? 15? years old, San wasn’t sure, but he suddenly felt jealous of him for the first time in his life. 

San had never had a job that lasted longer than a week, unless you counted an internship at the University-owned salon. And that being located at the school facilities and ran by other students just felt more like another class.

“I’m screwed, Wooyoung, screwed.” 

“I have no idea how you even survived up until this point.”

San grimaced. It had been thanks to his parents. They were pretty well off and had been more than glad to help San (and before him his sister) through University. But San couldn’t accept their help anymore. He wanted to pay it all back to them, they deserved it.

“Oh well San, moping around won’t do you any good! I can help you look for job openings. I’d say I’m somewhat of an expert on these things”, Wooyoung said, and San could swear he saw his shoulders widen in pride. Why exactly he was proud of himself, San had no idea - Wooyoung had also never held a job for longer than 6 months because he got bored so easily.

“I guess I can’t help it. Show me the way, oh mighty Woo!” San pleaded as he shot up from the bed and situated himself instead on Wooyoung’s lap. He pulled to them the laptop that had been left lying on the floor after San’s last Netflix marathon.

The pair spent a long time scouring the internet for any job offer even remotely connected to makeup. They only found 2 - two! - good possibilities, and that had taken them 3 - three! - long hours.

“This is unbelievable! Everyone was correct! Why did I choose to become a makeup artist! I don’t even like idols, isn’t that why everyone else becomes one? I’ve wasted my life-”

“Okay, drama queen. Chill”, Wooyoung interrupted San’s vailing, earning him a light slap and a very angry pout from him. “I’ll help you with the applications and CV, and then you can just continue to do this every day for the rest of your life.” 

A loud whine left San’s lips as he stood up from Wooyoung’s lap and threw himself into his bed. “Can’t I just come work with you in the café?”

“No way! How could we ever get anything done from all the gossiping!” Wooyoung laughed at the pout that once again adorned San’s face. San was sure his lips would soon get stuck to that position. Life sucked.

Wooyoung showed San how to do his CV since he hadn’t bothered with it during the numerous changes he could have while still studying, and then they sent in his applications (that Wooyoung also wrote almost completely) to the two places they had found - KQ Entertainment Modeling and Ezq Agency. Both were rather big agencies, mostly dealing with actors and models. San was quite sure he would never hear from them.

“Okay, now that that is done, did I tell you what Jimin-hyung did at work today…” Wooyoung started as he jumped to join San on the bed. And so, the rest of the day was spent just talking and gossiping and it was so familiar it made San feel a bit less scared about the unknown future.

* * *

San was holding the phone in his hand so tightly he was afraid he’d crush it if Wooyoung didn’t answer right that instant. The call signal rang one more time, then another, and then-

“What the fuck, Choi San, it’s 6 am?!” Wooyoung’s voice sounded tired and muffled yet surprisingly loud in the receiver, but San paid it no mind. There was more important matters at hand, like- 

“They answered.”

“Uh…?” was all Wooyoung managed. Usually he was very in tune with the way San’s thoughts worked in his own messy ways and how he often started conversations from very abrupt points, but right now he had just woken up and wasn’t yet functioning fully.

  
“KQ. They answered me”, San breathed out. He wasn’t sure when his whole body had started to shake.

  
“What was that again? Ah! The place you applied to a week ago, right?” Wooyoung asked, his question accompanied with a loud yawn. 

San nodded. It took him embarrassingly long to realize Wooyoung couldn’t see it. “Yeah”, he finally muttered weakly. 

Silence followed. Wooyoung was impatiently waiting for San to continue, but San’s brain was too frazzled to realize the fact.

  
Finally Wooyoung barked: “And what did it say?” The thought that the answer was a denial popped into his head after he had already opened his mouth, and he felt a bit bad for a second, because that was probably why San seemed so out of it, except-

“I haven’t opened it.”

  
  
“...”

“...”

“You haven’t opened it.”

“Yea.”

“San.”

“Wooyoung. I’m scared! What if it’s a denial?! What if they tell me I suck and will never get a job?!” 

“Then they would be extremely unprofessional and you could sue them.”

“..Really?” San had stopped his shaking. He really considered suing them for all the emotional stress they put him through.

“I have no idea. Probably not, you don’t have the money. And they would never say anything like that”, Wooyoung answered, and then sighed. “But San, did you ever expect them to accept you?”

After thinking for a while San sighed as well. “Yeah, not really.”

“So denial shouldn’t be a surprise to you then. Just open it, there is no worst case scenario. You have sent more applications during this week, one of them will be interested in you for sure. But if you send yourself into nervous breakdown over just one _possible_ denial, I don’t think you’ll be alive by the end of the month.”

Wooyoung was right, San knew it. He raised his hand slowly to his laptop, placing it on the touch pad. He took a deep breath and hovered the cursor over the new email from KQ Entertainment Modeling. Before he opened it though, he spoke to Wooyoung again:

  
  
“You won’t make fun of me if I cry, right, Wooyoungie?”

“I would never, my dear”, Wooyoung’s voice was gentle.

Taking another shaky breath, San finally clicked open the email.

On the other side of the phone, Wooyoung held his breath. He wasn’t feeling tired anymore, even though San had woken him up after only 4 hours of sleep. 

But the silence was starting to stretch for a longer time than Wooyoung had expected. There was no peep from San, no sobs, not even a sigh.

“San… Are you there?” Wooyoung queried worriedly. Had his best friend fainted? 

After another short stretch of silence, San’s voice came out as barely a whisper: “Yeah, I’m here.”

“..So? What was it?”

“..view.” Was all Wooyoung could make out from San’s mumble.

“Huh?”

“Inter… Interview”, San repeated more clearly. He gulped, wetted his lips, and continued: “They asked me to an interview. They want me to do an example makeup to one of their models.”

“SAN!!!!” Wooyoung screeched inhumanly loud. “ _Fuck, Wooyoung, volume!”_ San could hear Wooyoung’s boyfriend’s, Hongjoong’s voice mumbling on the line. “Sorry, babe, but San!! That’s amazing! When is it? What will you wear? Can I dress you? Oh, please, let me dress you! Oh oh, and how will you do your makeup? They will look at that as well right? If they love it, and they of course will, they’ll just hire you imme-”

  
“Okay, okay, slow down Wooyoung!” San interrupted the rambling. He was surprised to find his ability to smile had come back. The morning had felt incredibly long and dark ever since he had woken up to the sound of new email. 

“Sorry, I’m just so happy for you!” Wooyoung cooed and then burst out laughing at something Hongjoong had probably said to him.

San laughed as well (thank god he was able to laugh again, he had been afraid that ability would have been forever taken from him if the email had been anything else than what it was). “You should go spend your time with Hongjoong-hyung, Wooyoung. I’m sorry I woke you up so early, I just panicked.”

  
“Don’t worry about that, San, I once told you you can call me anytime and I meant that! And I already spent all night with Hongjoong, you need me more than h- Ouch! Hongjoong, did you just pinch m- Don’t touch me there, you mons-”

San laughed out louder when the phone call got abruptly cut. He felt his whole body relax and he let himself fall down on his back on the unmade bed. He pushed the laptop off of his lap and then threw his hands over his face. Almost maniacal laughter bubbled from him. 

He knew he shouldn’t have been afraid of the future! Things would always work out in the end! The hardest part was now behind. San was 100% sure that he would ace the interview and the mock up styling test, he knew he was good at makeup. 

He even had plenty of time to prepare for it as the interview would be 5 days later. The biggest problem would probably be what he would wear, and even for that he had Wooyoung, as long as the boy would be able to leave his long-time boyfriend for a short while. 

Everything was looking up, and San felt a tingle of excitement growing in his heart.

* * *

The 5 days passed by swiftly. San had spent most of it cooped up in his apartment going through all the makeup skills and newest products he wanted to use, with Wooyoung visiting one day to pick up the clothes he would wear.

The clothes ended up being San’s best suit he only saved for special _special_ occasions (graduation had not been one), accompanied by truthfully an obnoxiously colourful tie. Wooyoung said it made him look professional but also super “hip”. San hoped he was right and he wouldn't end up making himself a laughing stock.

Brushing none existent dust from the black pants, San exited the taxi he had taken to the KQ Entertainment Headquarters. In truth, he didn’t have money for a taxi, but Wooyoung had lent him some because according to him it’d set up an even more professional picture of San. But no one was even near when San stepped out from the taxi, so he called bullshit on that. It had been comfortable though so San wasn’t complaining too much.

The KQ building in front of San looked slightly intimidating. It wasn’t the biggest one around, but it looked sophisticated and fairly new. Plastered tastefully on the outer walls of the building were some posters of who San assumed were models or actors belonging to KQ. San however was too focused on the upcoming interview to take a closer look at them.

Instead he straightened his suit and tie, clutched his bag full of makeup tools closer to his body, and started his way towards the main door.

The automatic door opened immediately once San was close enough, giving San no time to hesitate (he suddenly found himself somehow nervous despite his earlier confidence). While he knew he was good at makeup, he had just graduated - surely there would be candidates with way better credentials than he had for the job? 

Trying to push the invasive doubts from his mind San stepped into the main lobby, causing the sole receptionist there to lift her head and look at San with a warm smile.

“Welcome! You must be Choi San, here for the job interview?” she asked brightly, readying a staggering pile of paper in a blink of an eye. 

“Uhm, yea”, San very eloquently answered, and tried to make his way to the receptionist desk as gracefully as possible. Somehow he managed not to trip over his feet, and successfully received the papers from the receptionist.

“Wonderful! Just fill these forms, and my colleague will show you the way to the correct room. You’re right in time so don’t feel pressured to hurry! You can sit over there.”

Wobbling to where the receptionist pointed, San sat into a large, illegally soft bubble chair that was facing a huge aquarium. On the inside the building was way more outlandish than from outside, and it made San feel extremely out of place and uncomfortable. 

As he filled the papers about all the minute details of his whole life, he wondered if he was the only interviewee there. The receptionist had known his name immediately and he saw no one else in the lobby except the two of them, so he assumed he really would be the only one. It was an intimidating thought, but also somewhat relieving. Maybe there wouldn’t be much competition after all? 

San finished with the forms decently swiftly and he brought them back to the desk. The receptionist, Miss Lee according to her nametag, thanked him as she took the forms and called over her colleague, Miss Lee as well. For a fleeting second San felt like he was in a hidden camera show. But this Miss Lee was older and her smile was more comfortable, making San feel immediately more at ease. 

They left the lobby and took an elevator to the 6th floor, which was also the top floor of the building. There was no awkward elevator music, instead a soft ballad from some female artist San had no idea the name of, filled the space. 

Without much conversation, San and Miss Lee reached the top floor, and Miss Lee showed San the way along a long corridor filled with identical closed doors, with only small number plates differentiating them from each other. They stopped in front of number 610.

“Okay, here we are. They are ready for you so we can go in whenever you are ready”, Miss Lee said, “Don’t feel too pressured.” 

San could only nod. Now that he was at the destination, the comforting presence of older Miss Lee was greatly diminished. Once again he dusted and straightened his suit. It was suddenly getting hot. But waiting longer would do more harm than good, so San resolutely nodded at Miss Lee.

  
“I’m ready.” 

Miss Lee opened the door and motioned for San to go in first. Bowing, San stepped inside before he could change his mind and flee from there. Miss Lee followed and closed the door behind them.

The inside of the room reminded San of a dance practice room he had sometimes seen in the shows Wooyoung made him watch. There was no big wall-length mirror on any side though. In the middle of the room there was instead a tall chair and next to it a table filled with more makeup than San had ever seen together. He remembered all the makeup he had brought with him and felt very stupid, but before he could hate himself any more, his attention was brought to the front of the room by a stern, low male voice:

  
  
“You must be Choi San for the interview, please come further in.”

Gulping, San focused his attention to the long table that stood on one side of the room. 3 people were sitting across it, all their eyes on him. They were 2 women and 1 man, the one who had just spoken. They were all dressed up well, with serious looks on their faces. San thanked Wooyoung in his mind for the suit. 

“Yes, I am Choi San, pleasure to meet you!” San said before the silence stretched too long. He was pleasantly surprised how even his voice sounded. 

San bowed deep to the interviewers, and then walked next to the tall chair. He knew that the chair would be for the one he was supposed to apply the makeup to, so he didn’t sit on it. 

“It is a pleasure to meet you as well,” one of the women said, her voice cold and San already hated her. She had in front of her the forms San had filled, brought to her by Miss Lee, who was now exiting the room. As she closed the door behind him, leaving San all alone with the intimidating trio. 

  
“We shall now begin the interview. It will take about half an hour, after which you will give us a presentation of your talents as we told you would in the email”, the cold-voiced lady spoke again. 

The interview ended up taking 35 minutes exactly. It had been fairly standard, at least San with his absolutely no experience with job interviews thought so. They had even asked a few questions exactly as Wooyoung had predicted, so San had perfect answers ready to them. Also most of the questions were about the forms he had filled, wanting him to elaborate on his answers.

So San ended up feeling quite confident by the time the other woman, a much more warm voiced one, let in the person San would have to put makeup on. 

In walked a young boy, with pale skin and longish hair tied up on a pony tail. San forced himself not to look surprised. He had thought that he’d makeup a girl for sure. But this was good. He was good with guys’ makeup, it was actually his speciality. San’s confidence soared even higher, and he had to fight down a smirk. 

The interviewers explained what they expected from him, which was rather easy in San mind - a no-makeup look that would accentuate the best parts of the boy’s face. San started his work quickly, easily finding the best products to use. 

However, he wasn’t sure if they expected him to talk to the guy. In school, they had taught them to go with what the client wanted, and San always liked to talk to new people, so he asked a few questions from the boy. He told his name was Lee Minhyuk, and he was a 16 year old aspiring model. San felt like more detailed questions about his work wouldn’t be good in case he wouldn’t get the job, so he let the conversations come to a comfortable end. He had to fight the urge to glance at the long table and see how the “judges” would be reacting.

It didn’t take San long to finish the makeup. He was pretty happy with the result. No, scratch that, he was very happy with it. He finally turned to face the interviewers again, and bowed to them to indicate he was done. 

  
San was asked to go outside for a minute for the judging to take place. The wait was excruciating, even though San knew he had done well. 10 minutes later San was invited back to the room.

The trainee San had worked on had disappeared from the room, leaving San alone with the three interviewers. They all wore neutral expressions. San had no idea what his fate would be, so when the man opened his mouth to talk he steeled himself for any possibility. 

Yet, he was not ready for the following words.

  
“Congratulations, Mr. Choi, you are hired.”

Now all three were smiling at him. Perhaps at how dumbfounded he looked with his mouth open and eyes wide, unable to form words.

“We can sign the contract right now or you can take it home to review it, but we will go through all the points in it now. We will of course answer any question you might have. Please take a seat.”

Wordlessly, San obeyed. Sitting on the tall chair was somewhat awkward, but it was the least important thing on his mind.

“You shall start the work next Wednesday, as you wrote that even starting work immediately would be possible for you on your application.”

San nodded. He could do that. He was in fact excited to start the work that soon. He could even start sooner - he didn’t do well with nothing to do. The little over a week he had was also more than enough to get ready.

The briefing continued with the salary and other contractual information. It was all acceptable and soon San started itching to get to signing the contract already. But right at the end of the talk, his soon-to-be employers decided to drop the biggest bomb on him:

  
  
“You will work for our biggest model, Park Seonghwa. This of course means you will travel with him wherever needed. It also means that as soon as you start your work on Wednesday, you will leave for Paris as Park starts his shooting and fashion show tour from there. And most importantly, after that the next time you will return to Korea is this December. We understand that this can feel like a huge change to your life, but we hope you are ready for it.”

San felt his mouth drop wide open once again. It was now April. That meant he’d be away from home for almost 9 months! There had been mentions of traveling in the job offer, but San would never have guessed they meant this much. 

Yet, as shocked as he was, San couldn’t deny the excitement this filled him with. He had never left the soil of his home land. A small smile rose to his face, as he nodded to the interviewers.

“That’s fine, I’m more than ready for everything. So can I now sign the contract?”


	2. Chapter 1 - Seoul to Paris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for your love on the fic so far, even if nothing happened in the prologue! also, english is not my native language, so i apologize for all the mistakes :/ 
> 
> this chapter will be more fun, enjoy!

**\- CHAPTER 1 - SEOUL TO PARIS -**

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Wooyoung questioned worriedly. “9 months is a lifetime!”

San laughed. “It’s like an adventure, Wooyoung! I can’t believe I got this good of a job! And for that kind of pay, if they asked for it I’d be okay with never even returning to Korea!”

San rolled around in his bed that was scattered with various pieces of clothing. Wooyoung, who was sitting on the floor again, swore he could see stars in San’s eyes as he cackled madly. Rolling his eyes at San, Wooyoung continued trying to fit everything San wanted to take with him to his small, old suitcase. 

Tomorrow would finally be the day San would leave South Korea for the first time ever!

  
“Then we’d never see each other again”, Wooyoung scoffed.

“Oh Woo, I could easily buy you tickets to visit me! We could do sightseeing in Paris, Milan… You could come visit me in the States!” San’s voice was filled with wonder as he got lost in his daydreams. “I can’t believe I’ll get to try In-N-Out! What should I order there first…”

“Try to remember you are going there for work, not for a leisure visit”, Wooyoung futilely tried to get San to return to Earth. 

“How hard can it be? I’m just there to make-up some dude for one shoot every now and then. I probably have tons of free time.”

“I’m assuming you have already forgotten everything they told you. What was the model’s name you’re supposed to work for?” 

“Uh… Park… Something? Sungmin?” San mumbled, not really trying to remember. It didn’t really matter to him. 

“As expected. Well, KQ is pretty big on models, they have like 7 Parks. I’m not really into models myself so I can’t help you on this, sorry bud”, Wooyoung sighed somewhat defeatedly. He had been imagining being able to get some insider information about the celebrity life from San. He should’ve known his best friend would be useless with this kind of stuff, though. He had no interest in any kind of celebrities.

“Yea, you’re more into indie musicians”, San giggled. He had finally settled on the bed, laying on his stomach and furiously winking and making ugly, lovestruck faces at Wooyoung.

Wooyoung stuck out his tongue at San. “Just one indie musician.”

“Yup! And I’m counting on him to make you miss me less”, San grinned, “even though I know he could never reach the importance of me! How much must it hurt Hongjoong to know you will never love him as much as you love me?!” 

“It’s hyung to you!” Wooyoung exclaimed. Recently, he had felt very protective over his boyfriend (and right now he definitely loved him more than San).

“He’s not even here to hear us..” San pouted. “Ya, Hongjoong! You id-” 

San’s shout was cut off by a shirt thrown straight at his face. 

“Stop messing around and help me help _you_ to pack! God, how on Earth will you survive without me for months on end…” 

* * *

The day for leaving came quickly. San had of course left the packing for the last day, but before that he had been able to at least shop for some new clothes that Wooyoung had deemed fit for the job. He had also met with his parents on their insistence, since they wouldn’t be able to meet for months. And with the other countless things he had had to take care of before leaving the country, time had truly flown.

San had barely been able to sleep the night after his first work day, being too excited for the upcoming events. Even Wooyoung had ceased his nagging and worrying once they had finished packing and together they had gushed about the job deep into the night. 

But even with only a couple of hours of sleep, San felt hyper, and energy practically radiated off of him. He almost bounced on his feet while he was standing in the KQ Entertainment main lobby. He was waiting for the leader and hair stylist of the team he was joining to meet and get him up to date with the job. 

The building wasn’t intimidating at all anymore. San was even able to appreciate the ugly aquarium. Miss Lees had also been happy to see him again. The bright morning sun was shining through the windows, casting beautiful shapes of light on the walls and floor. Everything felt perfect to San.

After a 7 minute 31 second wait (San had counted), the ding of an elevator rang in the silent lobby. The click of high heels could be heard a few seconds before a tall, slender woman entered San’s sight. That must be the hair stylist.

The woman walked straight to San, and they bowed to each other once she reached him. 

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Choi was it?” the woman asked and when San nodded, continued: “I am Lee Sora, the hair stylist for Park Seonghwa.”

Park Seonghwa. So that was the name of the model. San tried to make himself remember the name so he could text it to Wooyoung at the earliest possibility he had. 

“It’s nice to meet you as well, Miss.. Lee.” Surely, the company had had to have women with other surnames than Lee in it? Shaking the silly thought from his head, San smiled at Miss Lee, “I really look forward to working with you.”

Miss Lee laughed, but her tone felt somewhat weird - almost melancholic - to San. “As well, and for a long time I hope. But please do call me Sora. We call each other by first names in the team, so I shall be calling you San as well.” 

“That works well with me, Sora”, San complied. 

“Good. Then, shall we go meet the rest of the team and Seonghwa?” Sora inquired and San happily agreed. 

Together they started walking towards the elevator. San stole a glance at Sora. With her high heels she stood slightly taller than him. Her blonde hair was very short, but styled immaculately as expected from a hair stylist. Her face was wrinkle-less. It was impossible to tell how old she was, but as she had spoken informally to him San deducted she had to at least be older than him. 

“I heard you had your interview for the position just last week?” Sora started as they stepped into the elevator. 

“Ah, yes, I was very surprised they wanted me so fast”, San mused.

“Mm”, Sora just hummed, not looking at San. San got the impression she wasn’t very surprised about it, and his curiosity was tickled.

“Now that I think about it, I didn’t see anyone else here during the interview. Surely I couldn’t be the only one..?”

Sora chuckled, still not looking at San. “It seems you are already suspecting something. We are a well known agency with huge models, anyone would indeed want to work here. And we did of course get tons of applications for this. But San, tell me, in your school how many boys were there studying makeup?”

“Only one other beside me”, San answered. What did that have to do with anything?

The elevator dinged as they reached their destination. As they stepped out, Sora continued:  
  


“Exactly. And we were only looking for a guy.”

San’s eyes widened. “Why?”

  
“You must know Park Seonghwa?” 

“Uhm,” San felt himself blush, “I’m afraid I’m not very familiar with models.” 

This time Sora’s eyes widened as he finally looked at San. She stopped walking suddenly to turn to fully face San. He stopped as well, looking confused.

“That is very surprising, I must admit. He isn’t the biggest name in South Korea, for sure, but he is one of the top supermodels internationally”, Sora explained. 

San’s blush deepened, feeling ashamed of his ignorance. Thankfully Sora noticed how uncomfortable he was, and let the issue drop. Instead she returned to the main point:  
  
“Well, a lot of people.. like him. You will see. Of course it’s a blessing for us, KQ wouldn’t be anything without him. But it is also a curse,” Sora closed her eyes and sighed deeply, “Our team is small, it’s just me, the fashion stylist and now you. But yet just last year, we had 8 different people start and get fired pretty soon after.”

  
“What?!” San couldn’t stop the loud exclamation from leaving his lips. “Why?”

“Because they all fell in love with Seonghwa”, tired looking Sora replied, “Or at least had some type of too warm feelings towards him. They all started to get too close and personal, so the agency decided to fire them. And they were all girls, so this time KQ decided to hire a guy. About time, if you asked me.” 

San gulped. He could immediately see a huge flaw in that thinking, but he was sure it was best to keep that to himself. 

“So you, San, were the only guy applicant.”

“Ah. So I got the spot by default.” 

There was a dull pain in San’s heart. He should have known this. It had been too easy, of course something fishy had to be going on.

“They wouldn’t hire you if you were bad, San”, Sora seemed to notice San’s darkening mood. Her voice was soft and gentle, and San was thankful for that. “And I can already tell you are a good guy and that we will all be happy to work together with you. So please don’t feel discouraged.”

San could only nod, but he was feeling a bit better. In the end, it didn’t really matter how he had gotten the job. What mattered now was how he did it, and he wasn’t about to do badly and be fired. Even if the only thing that would get him fired was falling for some model - which San knew he would never do - he wasn’t about to slack off.

Sora smiled happily at the determined look in San’s eyes. They started walking again, reaching their destination quickly. It was a normal looking door again, numbered 518. Without further talking, Sora swiftly opened the door and stepped in, motioning for San to follow her.

San, eager to see his team and a bit less eager to meet the infamous Seonghwa, stepped in the room. 

First, he noticed how much cluttered and messier the room was than the one he had had his interview on. There were tables filled with accessories and makeup lined against two long walls, with rows of huge mirrors on top of them. A soft looking sofa and a table as filled with stuff as every other surface in the room were situated on another side of the room. Few people were sitting on the sofa, but they didn’t note San and Sora’s arrival in any way.

Second, he noticed a guy sitting on the side, his eyes strained on his phone. And..

_Oh._

Sora’s earlier words immediately made sense. And San realized he had seen Seonghwa before, of course he had. His advertisements and CFs were everywhere. But San had never paid much attention to him, never bothering to remember his name. There was no reason to ogle at him - San knew all the pictures were heavily photoshopped.

Or he had known. Because right now, right in front of him, was that Park Seonghwa, exactly as he had seen him on the ads. Perfect. Godly. So stunningly handsome it hurt to look at. 

Rooted on his feet, San didn’t notice Sora throwing him a knowing look before walking away to talk to someone else in the room. San could only see Seonghwa - he could not stop staring at him.

Seonghwa’s short, deep black hair was styled up in a slightly messy wave. At the same time it felt like no wave of hair was in the wrong place, with one strand perfectly out of place falling to his smooth forehead. His skin was poreless, shining lightly thanks to the bright lighting from the makeup stands. His eyes, looking down to the phone in his lap, were even bigger than the pictures showed and San could see the long eyelashes even from where he was standing.

_He is actually even more perfect in real life,_ San thought, mouth going dry as his eyes followed the perfect curve of Seonghwa’s perfectly straight perfectly sized nose to his mouth. He might have overused the word _perfect,_ but to be fair, it was the perfect word for Seonghwa. 

Seonghwa’s plump lips were so pink San would’ve thought he already had lip gloss on if he didn’t know he needed to apply makeup to him. ( _God how is he so beautiful even with a bare face? God is not fair.)_

San licked his lips, wondering what those lips would feel like against his. He wouldn’t mind them even lower on him, wrapped around his - 

A hand on his shoulder thankfully interrupted San’s extremely dangerous thoughts. He whipped around to face Sora who was smiling at him. Next to her was a young looking boy with longish blond hair and fair face.

“San, I would like you to meet the one other member of our small team, Kang Yeosang”, Sora introduced the boy.

Yeosang nodded slightly at San. His face looked friendly even though he wasn’t smiling. He was also beautiful, but after seeing Seonghwa no one else could compare. It felt like all the colours of the world dimmed when he wasn’t looking at Seonghwa.

“Nice to meet you, San was it? I’m Yeosang, the stylist for Seonghwa-hyung”, Yeosang said.

“Hyung? I mean, nice to meet you as well, Yeosang!” San smiled at him. “How old are you?”

“I’m a 99liner. I checked your file as well, so I know you are too”, now also smiling Yeosang replied. San felt his smile widen, but before he could continue the conversation, Sora interrupted him.

  
“You should also officially meet Seonghwa, so you can get to work”, she chuckled, “our plane leaves in 3 hours.”

“Ah, oh, yes, of course”, San stammered. Suddenly his heart was beating fast and he felt the familiar feeling of arousal in the pits of his stomach. He wasn’t sure he would survive looking at the handsomest person he had ever seen again without combusting, even less having to apply makeup to him. _Holy hell, I’m so gay._

But what could he do? Trying to look as disinterested as possible and most likely failing spectacularly, San turned around and followed Sora to the model. 

Seonghwa had not moved from his spot. For a split second San wondered if he was actually a statue. It would make sense - would explain the otherworldly beauty. But when Sora called out to him, Seonghwa lifted his head slowly from the phone screen and San felt like fainting. 

“Seonghwa, you must have heard we were getting a new team member?” Sora began. Seonghwa only nodded, so she continued: “This is Choi San, the new makeup artist for you.”

“H-hello, I look forward to working with- for you, um, Mr. Park,” San muttered. He found it incredibly hard to look straight at Seonghwa, especially when he finally turned his strikingly blue eyes - contacts, most likely, San deducted - to look at him. Holding his breath, San excitedly awaited his first words.

But.. “Yes,” was the only thing Seonghwa disinterestedly mumbled before he returned his focus to his phone.

San was so dumbfounded at the cold attitude of Seonghwa he didn’t even take notice of his deep, sexy, resonant voice - well, didn’t notice it _that_ much. Or the way it made his pants tight around his crotch. For reasons. Nope, didn’t notice.

Sora shrugged at him as if saying not to take offense before leaving him alone with the model. 

“So”, San started. He assumed he would have to apply the makeup now. Looking at Seonghwa’s hair and clothes and accessories, it seemed both Yeosang and Sora had already done their part. So now the only thing left was the makeup, even though in San’s opinion Seonghwa wouldn’t need any - he already looked too good. 

Seonghwa continued to completely ignore San’s existence and his awkward attempts at conversation. San felt annoyance spike in his heart. Yet he was relieved at the same time. Finding Seonghwa hot was ok, even finding him the hottest human alive was ok - because that was all San would ever feel for him. He could never fall for someone so impolite and cold. At least on that part his job was secured. Not that he would’ve fallen for Seonghwa anyways, even if he was the kindest, goodest person in the world. He didn’t fall in love easily. Actually he had never fallen in love.

Giving up on the conversation with a heavy heart (talking with the person he was doing makeup on was always San’s favourite part), San decided to just do a typical no makeup look to compliment the hair-do. Trying not to blush at the mandatory closeness he and Seonghwa had to have, San began his work. 

At the start, San felt shy touching Seonghwa’s skin even with a makeup sponge. He was being overly cautious not to touch him with his own fingers and when he had to lean even closer than he already was to do the detailed work, he held his breath, worried it would smell bad and make Seonghwa hate him. Although San had a small feeling Seonghwa already did hate him, and everyone else.

The silence also meant he could focus even better on how flawless Seonghwa’s skin was. Putting on a primer felt absolutely useless, but nonetheless San applied it first. Seonghwa also smelled divine. But San would not attribute that to Seonghwa. Sora had probably chosen the perfume. Seonghwa probably had no idea about fashion himself. 

Stealing a glance at the phone that apparently was the only thing that deserved Seonghwa’s full attention, San saw that he was watching a drama. He didn’t have earbuds on nor was there sounds on the phone, so San wasn’t exactly sure how Seonghwa could be so immersed in it. San found that that was annoying to him as well. To be more interested in a mute drama than the people around him. San could never relate.

_Maybe God is in fact fair. He really only has his looks,_ San thought as he moved through the makeup routine. He had done the same makeup so many times he really didn’t have to think about what he was doing at all. 

Instead he wondered if he should tell Wooyoung he was working for Park Seonghwa. Surely Wooyoung must know him? But for some reason San suddenly didn’t want to tell him. 

Rest of the makeup application San spent finding even more reasons to be annoyed by Seonghwa (like his resting bitch face, did he really have to look so bored the whole time?). But no matter how many he found, nothing was able to change the fact that he was extremely aroused and would let Seonghwa take him into his bed in a blink of an eye if he ever asked. 

* * *

After being unable to stop his gay panic and thirsting over stupid Seonghwa, the car ride to the airport brought much needed relief to poor San. Seonghwa of course used one van just by himself, so the staff had to share their own mini-bus. Thankfully there weren't many of them, just San, Sora and Yeosang sitting in the backseat, and about 12 others (San wasn’t sure of everyone’s function), so it wasn’t too cramped. It also gave San much wanted and needed time to talk more with Sora and Yeosang.

The two of them both had a very blunt and dark (and slightly dirty) style of humor. Even if they clearly tried to tone it down for San, he found himself gasping and blushing at their words for the majority of the trip. Yeosang also liked to share little tidbits about everyone working for the company, much to their embarrassment, and some of the models San would never remember the names of. Nothing of Seonghwa, however. However despite all that they both were kind and pleasant to be around. 

He found out that Yeosang had worked for Seonghwa for only two months and that he had been hired for the same reasons as himself - all his predecessors had fallen for Seonghwa. Sora had worked a bit longer, for about a year. She told that she was too old for Seonghwa, but when San asked she refused to tell her age. But she also coyly added that if San was interested, she wouldn’t mind fooling around a bit with him, making the whole van flush scarlet. San wasn’t sure if she was joking or deadly serious.

In addition, he also got to know Seonghwa’s two bodyguards, Jeong Yunho and Song Mingi, a bit. They were a rowdy duo, nothing like what San had thought bodyguards would be like (though they were both very buff). San couldn’t help but think they would make a cute couple as he watched their non-stop bickering and laughing. 

Overall, the ride went fast and smooth and soon San found himself at the Incheon airport walking between two massive oceans of fans who were all trying to get Seonghwa’s attention with ear-splitting screams.

The flashes from the hundreds of cameras almost blinded San. He wasn’t used to this, at all. His breath was coming in as short bursts as they tread through the airport. Thank god for the bodyguards around them, the overzealous fans couldn’t outright mob them. San noticed some of the cameras however still pressed insanely close to Seonghwa’s face, and he felt a tinge of compassion for him. But Seonghwa seemed completely nonplussed. 

Once they passed the customs, the hordes of fans disappeared and San finally felt able to breathe freely. Yeosang patted his back gently.

“You better get used to that, San”, he warned, “there will be tons of fans around him always. And a lot of them aren’t nice and polite.”

San could only shudder. _Think of the pay, San, think of the pay._

* * *

An 11 hour flight seemed intimidating to San at first, but thankfully the staff was able to spend it pretty freely. Seonghwa was again separated from everyone, having his own private cabin inside the private jet apparently dedicated fully to transporting him around. The staff was all gathered in the huge “lounge” as San would call it. It was a high luxury to him.

He spent the first full hour of the flight just staring outside from the small window next to him. It was amazing and exciting to see how the plane swiftly rose on top of the clouds, and then the vast blueness of the sky that stretched to infinity and beyond. San wasn’t sure if he had ever felt this free. The whole world was out there, and all the possibilities San had never thought about felt like suddenly being laid bare to his eyes. He could’ve spent hours staring outside if it wasn’t for Yeosang poking him to eat with them.

As he was abruptly brought back to reality, San noticed a rather sizable container on the table in front of him. Yeosang was already opening one just like it, so San followed his example and tore the plastic cover off. 

There was an honest to god steak on the container. A steak. And it was huge and didn’t look like a cheap one either. With it was a small pile of cut potatoes and vegetables. 

San couldn’t help but whistle at the serving, making Yeosang chuckle at him.

  
“Do you guys always eat this good?” San asked, amazed.

  
“Only when we are flying, really. Seonghwa likes steak and the staff apparently is too lazy to prepare different food for us, so we are eating what he wants”, Yeosang explained as he cut a huge slice of the steak and started munching on it.

San couldn’t say he was surprised to hear of Seonghwa’s excessive taste, but how could he complain - he got to eat well for once. And the steak was delicious!

“This is the best steak I have ever eaten!” San gushed. Not that he had eaten many steaks, but that was beside the point.

“Only the best for Park Seonghwa!” Yeosang hummed.

San had to fight really hard not to roll his eyes. No one should sound that happy when talking about that douchebag. 

After food and a bathroom break, San easily fell asleep on his comfortable seat. He slept uninterrupted for hours until Yeosang once again poked him. 

  
“We are almost there, San, you need to go fix Seonghwa-hyung’s makeup”, he just explained to yawning San and nodded towards the door to Seonghwa’s cabin.

Sighing, San resigned to his fate and stood up, taking his makeup kit from his handbag he had taken to the plane. The plane was flying steadily, so he easily made his way to the cabin. His knock was left unanswered, but Sora who was sitting nearby told him to just go in, so he did. If it annoyed Seonghwa, San wouldn’t care. 

Stepping in and closing the door behind him, San looked around the cabin. It wasn’t as big as he had expected, but still looked just as luxurious. Every surface shone clean and there was no clutter, clothes, really anything, anywhere. Even the bedside table was empty. And on the bed lied only Seonghwa with his goddamned phone, looking absolutely ethereal even with his makeup slightly smudged around his eyes. At least this time he had earbuds on to hear whatever he was so intently watching.

San tried to get Seonghwa’s attention by coughing loudly, but it failed miserably. Cringing, San walked carefully closer to the bed. Seonghwa didn’t move an inch. Annoyance flared in San and he barged even closer. 

“Seonghwa-ssi?” he asked out loud. 

It did the trick as Seonghwa finally lifted his head to stare at San. There was no change in his.. expressionless expression. 

_So annoying. No manners. What good are looks for when your personality is that of a potato?_

Aloud San instead brightly explained to Seonghwa what he was there to do, hoping he heard him well even with his golden AirPods on. It seemed he did as he nodded and sat up without a word. And then he just sat there, unmoving. San blinked.

“Am I..” _supposed to do your makeup here?_ Swallowing his words, San wordlessly placed his makeup kit on the bedside table. It looked like Seonghwa’s primer and contour were still holding well enough (or maybe it was just his skin being so perfect you couldn’t see he had anything on), so San took out the same eye-shadow he had used back in Seoul. He turned to look at Seonghwa sitting on the bed. On the bed that was way lower than the usual makeup chairs. 

San paused. Did the cabin have heating on? It was suddenly way too hot in there and San’s palms were getting sweaty. 

Seonghwa’s head was on the same level as San’s stomach, and that fact made San think very, very dirty thoughts. How easy would it be for the other boy to pull down his zipper and have his way with him.. 

Panicking, San forced himself to think of dead kittens, but then Seonghwa raised one perfect eyebrow at him because he was just standing there doing nothing, and San felt himself flush all over again. 

_Be professional, San, goddamnit!_ he screamed in his mind. He tried to focus on the annoying, clearly-judging-San bitch-face of Seonghwa’s, instead of the handsomeness of it, and slowly composed himself enough to snap open the eye-shadow. He decided it’d be easiest to apply the makeup while on his knees. He could’ve sworn he saw Seonghwa’s eyes widen a fraction when he knelt in front of him, but he paid it no mind. If it made Seonghwa uncomfortable or annoyed, so be it! It’d be very good, in fact!

It didn’t take San long to fix the makeup, even if the intimate setting was bad for his poor heart (it was too easy to hear Seonghwa’s steady breathing in the small cabin). Once he was done he as fast as was polite excused himself off the cabin and returned to his seat. Yeosang gave him a questioning glance when he sighed deeply and melted into his chair.

“Is he always like that?” San asked Yeosang. 

“Like what?” Yeosang frowned. 

“I don’t know. So.. cold? And not talking.” 

“Ah. Yeah, he is”, Yeosang admitted, “But he has a good reason, I’d say. Didn’t Sora tell you? How everyone falls for him.”

San wasn’t sure he liked the slightly judging look in Yeosang’s eyes, but decided not to think much of it. Instead, he just shrugged. “She did, yes. But I’m surprised anyone would like someone as… rude as he.” 

Yeosang didn’t say anything to that, but San got the feeling he didn’t agree with his words. The rest of the hour the flight lasted, San and Yeosang spent in silence. But once they landed in Paris Charles de Gaulle Airport, Yeosang seemed his old cheerful self again, clapping San’s back as they exited the plane.

“Be prepared, San, Seonghwa is even more popular here than in Korea”, he snickered.

And how correct he was - the whole airport seemed to be filled only with Seonghwa’s fans. San couldn’t stop a silent gasp escaping his lips as he saw them. Yunho and Mingi weren’t enough so they had the airport bodyguards help surround them. This time Seonghwa waved to some of the fans, sending them to a frenzy that made San cringe. He wasn’t even smiling! He was doing the bare minimum! Yet deep down San knew if Seonghwa showed him even that sliver of positive attention, his insides would melt into an aroused pool of goo. Damn his looks!

* * *

San had never seen a more expensive looking hotel. It wasn’t tall, and it looked ancient, but the building was immaculately clean and the details on the walls and windows looked gorgeous. It remained San of a palace. The spring sun was still shining brightly in the late afternoon, making the golden details on the gates near the main doors sparkle. 

There were no fans near them thanks to the well dressed security standing on the sides of the hotel, but San was still able to hear the screeches of fans from the other side of the clearing as they stepped into the extravagant lobby. 

On the way to the hotel, Sora and Yeosang had explained just how big Seonghwa was internationally - he had over 20 million followers on Instagram, among them famous fashion designers, supermodels and artists, like Rita Ora and Beyoncé herself. Apparently he had even done some modeling for Beyoncé’s fashion line once. He often headlined the famous fashion weeks, and he had been named the most handsome man for 4 years in a row.

Thanks to that, he had been able to get the Prestige Suite in the most expensive hotel in Paris (apparently even kings had stayed a night there). San had quickly declined when Sora had asked if he wanted to know the price tag for one night in the suite. Now, seeing the palace-like hotel, he stood by his choice. It did really look made for kings and the elite - not for anti-social models no matter how famous they were.

For ease of access, the staff also got rooms in the same hotel. San and Yeosang shared one room, and even that was massive and way too luxurious for San to ever feel comfortable sleeping there. Yeosang on the other hand without a care in the world jumped onto the bed near a huge window. San wasn’t exactly a clean freak, but seeing Yeosang carelessly put his feet with shoes still on on the gorgeous bed-cover made even him gasp. 

“You okay with taking that bed? I’m used to sleeping near the window”, Yeosang ignored San’s peril. 

“Of course”, San answered simply. 

He gently laid his suitcase down on the floor next to the bed and looked around the room once again. It wasn’t actually that massive, but it was spacious and the light cream colored walls made it feel nice and airy. The walls were adorned with expensive looking art pieces. The classic style (San’s guess, he wasn’t sure) furniture fit well into the refined look of the room. The flat screen TV looked very out of place on top of the massive fireplace. 

“We will have lunch and a briefing about the schedule for our time here soon, so get yourself refreshed up for that”, Yeosang told San. 

San took a look at himself on the huge full body mirror hanging on the wall. His hair was messy and he looked exhausted. Yeosang on the other hand looked as pristine as ever. San was once again reminded that God did indeed have favourites.

The bathroom of the room, while tiny, was gorgeous as well - the pure white walls made the golden details look even more eye catching, and the towels on the (golden, of course) towel rack felt extremely soft to San’s curious touch. He couldn’t wait to wrap himself up in them after a nice, hot shower - or a bath, as there was no shower stall. San wasn’t sure he appreciated that. Having to always fill up the tub to wash yourself would get tiring fast. 

Pulling himself away from admiring everything, San quickly splashed his face with cold water and then ran his wet fingers through his hair a few times. He should get it cut soon - some of the brown dyed strands were almost reaching his shoulders and the black roots looked silly. Shaking his head, San let his hair fall back on its place, the fringe almost hiding his eyes. Good enough. 

As soon as San emerged from the bathroom, Yeosang sprang up from the bed.

  
“Let’s go eat!” he exclaimed as he took San by elbow and half dragged him out of the room. San couldn’t help but laugh at his excitement and feel it slowly fill his body as well. 

He was in Paris! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so they've met now wooo! hope you enjoyed this ^^ as always, my twitter is @hwanfinity, please come cry about sanhwa with me!


	3. Chapter 2 - Paris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So... the start point in this chapter is kinda abrupt because this was originally part of ch1, so we are starting straight off from where we left! :D 
> 
> Also only ateez members are based on themselves so i.e lee sora is only inspired by the actual lee sora, its not really her lol

**\- CHAPTER 2 - PARIS -**

The restaurant San and the other staff members went to wasn’t as luxurious as the hotel, but it was no McDonald's. San wasn’t very hungry yet, even though it had been many hours since he ate the steak, so he only ordered a quinoa salad. Rest of the staff ordered two wine bottles to share so San got a glass of white wine as well.

It took a good while for the food to be prepared, and while waiting, a scarily thin man with already graying hair, who San assumed was the head of the staff, started explaining the plans and schedule for them.

“So,” he started with a wavering voice and a loud cough right after, “we will be here for.. Hum, it's the 15th day today and we will leave on 29th, so that’ll make it.. exactly 2 weeks. Yes, we will be here for two weeks. On the weekends, Mr. Park has fashion shows to attend. On weekdays, we will be filming for his new variety show, European Fashion Capitals with Seonghwa, so we will be busy. But there will be two free days next week, and the 29th will be used fully for travel. So hopefully no one will burn out. For today, you will also be free to do whatever after this lunch. I highly recommend sleeping. Yes, hmm, and now on to the individual schedules for the teams..”

San tried his hardest to listen to the extremely dry voice of the man, but when he glanced at Yeosang sitting next to him and saw him secretly scrolling Twitter on his phone, he let himself drone out the speech. 

Instead, he whipped out his phone he hadn’t even remembered existed until now. The restaurant had free WiFi, so San quickly connected to it. Immediately his phone was filled with KakaoTalk messages from Wooyoung. And there was one from Hongjoong which made San lift his eyebrows up in surprise. 

He chose to open that message first.

_Hey, heard from Wooyoungie you’re going to Paris today? So lucky. Hope you’ll have fun and remember to stay safe! -HJ_

The message was very simple, but it still warmed San’s heart. He and Hongjoong weren’t really close. Of course, San being Wooyoung’s best friend and all, and Wooyoung having dated Hongjoong for over 3 years already, he had to see Hongjoong every now and then, but the pierced and tattooed man was always slightly intimidating to San. They didn’t really have anything in common as well, so the silence was always awkward when the two of them were left alone together. But Hongjoong was kind and gentle and overly clingy in the cutest way possible to Wooyoung, so San liked him well. 

San sent Hongjoong a quick thank you message accompanied with a grinning emoticon before opening his and Wooyoung’s chat room. As expected, Wooyoung was begging San to send him a message when he had arrived in Paris. After writing a short affirmative as an answer, San paused. 

Should he tell Wooyoung about Seonghwa? 

Before he had known who exactly Seonghwa was, he had thought he would tell him. But once he had seen him, he had started to feel it wouldn’t be that good of an idea. He wasn’t exactly sure why. He felt slightly bad for feeling so annoyed by Seonghwa and thinking of him in such a bad way, but he knew in the end Wooyoung would understand him. 

But the company would surely not want him telling everyone who he worked for (although they hadn’t said anything about it once, there wasn’t even a mention of it in the non-disclosure agreement). San decided that that was the reason he couldn’t tell Wooyoung and closed the chat quickly so he didn’t need to think any more on the matter.

He put his phone away and tried to focus on the man still talking. Fortunately just then the servers brought them their food. 

“You caught any of our schedule?” Yeosang whispered to him at some point during the lunch.

San shook his head. “I could only listen to the first part, sorry. And barely even that.”

“Yeah, Ilyong-director has the tendency to ramble, don’t worry about it. I doubt anyone here was really listening to him. Sora will hand us the written schedule later”, Yeosang said. 

  
“Director?” San questioned.

“Yea, he is the head director of KQ’s in-house film crew. The company doesn’t really trust any out-of-company people to do stuff related to Seonghwa”, Yeosang explained. 

“Damn.”

“Yep. But he brings in the big bucks, so it’s understandable. That’s why we are even able to afford this hotel”, Yeosang laughed.

San frowned. He’d gladly take a cheap hotel over having to work for Seonghwa particularly. 

After lunch was over, they had free time to do whatever they wanted, but everyone including Yeosang and Sora decided to go to a nearby pub to drink until deep night. San didn’t want to be left alone, so he of course joined them. The evening was beginning to dark, but it was still nice and warm, so they gathered around a big table on the terrace outside. 

Everyone already having drank few glasses of wine, the atmosphere quickly turned rowdy and soon everyone was reminiscing their dating history (even the graying Ilyong-director turned out to have quite the record, to everyone’s surprise and amusement). Laughter rang loud in the air and San felt content to just be there and listen to them. 

Yet at the same time, he couldn’t stop thinking of that damned Park Seonghwa. Even Seonghwa’s manager had joined them at the bar, so he must currently be alone. San wondered if he was out too or if he was holed inside the hotel with his phone. A tiny ting of pity hit San’s heart to his big shock. Why would he ever pity the crazy rich, crazy popular and on top of it all clearly antisocial asshole? San quickly forced the unneeded pity out of his system and tried not to think of what kind of drunk Seonghwa would be.

“Hey, newcomer!” one of the bodyguards, Yunho, thankfully pulled him into the conversation again, “how many girlfriends have you had? You’re awfully pretty!”

San blushed at the words as the other bodyguard, Mingi, smacked Yunho’s head and whined at him to call him pretty as well. 

“Uh, only one”, San shamefully admitted. Everyone’s attention was on him now and he felt extremely self conscious. The alcohol in his system luckily dulled the feeling a bit, so he didn’t quite feel like digging a hole on the ground and burying himself in it.

“One?!” Sora exclaimed too loudly, “You wouldn’t happen to be dating right now? ‘Cus let me tell you, San, if you left a girl behi-”

“No! No! I’m not dating anyone anymore! It was in upper elementary school!” San rushed to explain, causing everyone to roar in laughter at him. 

  
“You really haven’t dated anyone since!? Damn, guys, we need to get this one laid! What kinda girls do you fancy! The Parisians are top grade, if you ask me! Remember how last time we were here, there was this crazy pretty lady and she and I really hit it off!” one of the filming crew members started blabbing, managing to take everyone’s attention away from flustered San.

Relief flooded his mind as he sagged into his chair. In truth, he hadn’t had any girlfriends. The one he had dated (for 1 month) in upper elementary school had actually been a guy. But no one here needed to know that. If they found out he was gay, he would surely get fired on the spot. Even though he wouldn’t fall for Seonghwa. Ever. But they would of course think that he would, because they thought Seonghwa was perfect and everyone attracted to guys would inevitably fall for him.

San felt angry at the thought. He downed a full mug of beer at a record speed, because he was usually a happy drunk and clearly since he was so pissed off right now, he wasn’t drunk enough. 

“More beer here, please!” he slurred, waving his mug around, almost hitting Yeosang straight on his head. “Also! Yunho, I’m not pretty! You are!”

* * *

San woke up to a blinding light with a splitting headache. He heard someone - Yeosang, his muddy brain helpfully provided him a beat later - shuffle around in the room. The TV also seemed to be on, making trying to fall asleep again futile. Groaning, San accepted his fate and groggily got up from the perfectly firm, not too soft bed. 

“Good morning, bedhead!” Yeosang’s too bright voice sounded, making San’s headache ever worse.

“Please don’t yell”, San slurred tiredly.

“My apologies”, Yeosang chirped with the exact same loudness, “I put some water and painkillers on your table, take them and get yourself freshened up. You have about half an hour before we need to start work.”

“Oh God”, San groaned, suddenly very much awake.

He downed the water along with two painkillers in an instant and swiftly made his way into the bathroom. Blessed Yeosang had already made the bath for him! San threw his clothes off in a hurry and jumped straight into the tub.

A second later a shrill scream rang through the room, making Yeosang laugh evilly.

“A cold bath in the morning keeps the doctor away!” he giggled to the empty room.

In exactly 30 minutes, a grumpy San and grinning Yeosang made their way to the second floor of the hotel, where Sora’s room was. It was bigger than theirs and had a couple of big tables filled with several accessories and makeup products ready for use. Seonghwa was already sitting next to the makeup table with his phone in his hands, as unbothered by everyone bustling around him as always.

Today was the first filming day of Seonghwa’s variety show and after prettying up Seonghwa the team was expected to follow around the filming crew for any fixing up that needed to be done. 

  
“Good morning, San!” Sora greeted San when she noticed him looking around clueless. “Did you sleep well?”

“Good morning, Sora! I think I did, but this headache is killing me”, San pouted.

“I did give him painkillers!” Yeosang quickly quipped from behind him just as Sora had turned to him and opened her mouth to reprimand him.

“Oh, good then! They should hopefully take effect soon. Meanwhile, you should start with the makeup today. I’m going to style Seonghwa’s hair down so we need to get the foundation and all done before that”, Sora advised San.

“Sounds good!” nodding, San walked to the makeup table, completely ignoring Seonghwa the same as he ignored San. 

“Do I go for the no makeup look again?” San asked Sora.

“No, go for something bigger this time, just nothing too outlandish. Seonghwa’s features need to be easily distinguishable from television and phone screens once the program airs”, Sora answered.

“He is a-” San quickly stopped himself short, almost saying out loud that Seonghwa’s looks with his big eyes and plump lips were already perfectly distinguishable. How embarrassing! To hide his blush San began his work quickly. 

Seonghwa still hadn’t said anything to him, but San didn’t mind it that much anymore - he expected the cold treatment. Also he was slowly getting used to working so close to him. Still, even a small blink from Seonghwa was enough to take San’s breath away for a hot second.

San decided to line Seonghwa’s eyes with thick, black eyeliner and a dusting of plum colored eye-shadow that San thought brought his natural dark brown eye color out beautifully. Seonghwa didn’t look at him once during the application and San couldn’t help but get lost in his imaginations of what it would feel like to have a staring contest with him (preferably naked, his treacherous mind added). San would probably lose.

When done with the eyes, and at the same time the whole makeup since he liked to do eyes last, San took a small step backwards and allowed himself a moment to admire his work (not Seonghwa, definitely not Seonghwa). Just then Seonghwa lifted his eyes from his phone for once and looked straight at him. As their eyes met San felt time stop.

It wasn’t a mean look, but not really a kind one either. More like San felt himself being scrutinized. But the moment was over in a second - that felt like a lifetime to San - and Seonghwa turned to look at himself in the mirror. Without a word San quickly scampered away from the model, his heart beating way too fast to be healthy. 

“Your turn now”, somehow he managed to inform Sora with a decently normal voice. After getting a nod and smile from Sora, San hurried off to look for Yeosang, hoping no one would notice the uncomfortably horny state he was in. 

He missed the way Seonghwa turned on his chair to look at his receding back with a pondering look in his eyes.

* * *

Following the film crew and Seonghwa around ended up being a surprisingly easy job. They spent the whole day filming inside a local fashion store where Seonghwa met some big name French fashion designer. 

It was interesting for San to see Seonghwa actually forced to interact with someone. He still didn’t smile, but he excluded a kinder aura than normally as he asked question after a question. The interview seemed to be fully serious, almost no laughs, especially from Seonghwa, but San didn’t care about what they were talking about. What he cared about was the way Seonghwa’s deep voice went straight to his crotch. Thank God they had chairs so he could cross his legs. 

San was also able to see Yeosang and Sora work on Seonghwa for the first time. Sora was strictly business, straightening Seonghwa’s fringe every now and then, keeping her face serious. 

Yeosang on the other hand tried to chat with Seonghwa. Poor boy, Seonghwa ignored him just the same as he ignored San. But Yeosang still always returned to his seat with a content smile on his face that baffled San. It seemed he actually, truly liked Seonghwa. How could someone like that cold, boring statue? San made a note to himself to ask about that from Yeosang some day.

For himself, San didn’t have much to do other than watch everything. The makeup held good, he only needed to fix it twice during the 6 hour shoot. He could have napped, but he couldn’t take his eyes off Seonghwa. But that was only because Seonghwa was just that goddamn hot and San was a man who had needs. If he just got laid, he would be able to ignore Seonghwa better! Too bad he had never found anyone he wanted to sleep with during all of his 24 years of life.

All in all, 6 hours of dry interview filming went by rather fast, and the staff got free time after they were done. It was only 3 o’clock in the afternoon, so Yeosang asked San to join him shopping. San happily agreed. He had started to really consider Yeosang a friend. And he had something he wanted to buy for himself as well. 

The warm and sunny weather made spring Paris stunning. San’s head was swirling from side to side, trying to take everything in. It was almost overwhelming, but San loved it. Having never left South Korea, being in France felt like being on a whole new planet. 

Yeosang had told San he was in Paris for the first time as well, yet he determinedly led San through the busy streets like he lived there. They jumped from store to store, from soap shop to a dusty antics shop to a dollar store, not buying anything. Until San spotted a small store on an old, beautiful building, that sold exactly what he had been looking for.

  
Cameras.

“Let’s go here, Yeosang!” San eagerly pleaded Yeosang, who readily agreed when he saw what San was pointing at.

“With pleasure!”

The store was indeed very small, but it was decorated with soft, earthly colors that made it feel very homely. It was also filled to the brim with cameras of all kinds - there were the expensive professional cameras and the tiny canons every family owned and, to San’s relief, Polaroid cameras. 

“These are all so cute!” San exclaimed with delight. 

“They are! Are you looking to buy one?” Yeosang asked. He had a tiny rose gold colored camera in his hands that San couldn’t help but coo at.

  
“If they aren’t too expensive”, San affirmed. 

The shop owner, an elder gentleman with a massive moustache, heard their chat and came over to help them. With his broken English and San’s slightly better, they managed to communicate well enough for San to decide to buy a pastel blue colored small Polaroid camera. It wasn’t too expensive, so San also bought a couple of film packets.

The owner smiled happily and waved after them as they exited the store. 

“Are you gonna take pictures immediately?” Yeosang asked excitedly.

San thought for a moment and then shook his head. “Nah, I have to save the film. I’ll only take a picture if I find something worth it.”

“Am I not worth it?” Yeosang pouted and San laughed at him.

“Maybe”, he teased, “I think you still need to work for it!” 

Huffing, Yeosang took hold of San’s elbow and started pulling him towards something. “Fine, then I’ll show you all the best places in Paris! You’ll have to take a picture at some point, and I’m gonna be in it!”

San couldn’t help but chuckle at Yeosang as he let him lead him once again. They only had time to walk to Eiffel Tower, and there were too many tourists there already so San didn’t feel like taking a picture. Nonetheless, they had fun and after ordering overpriced take away coffees from a cafe nearby, they returned to the hotel. It was already dark.

Yeosang called the first bath and disappeared to the bathroom as soon as they got to their room. San gladly just threw himself on his made bed (without shoes of course). The day had ended up being very tiring, what with all the walking. San did prefer to walk from place to place instead of using public transportation, but he might need better shoes for it. His heels were killing him. 

Sighing, San closed his eyes and recalled the day. Going around the city with Yeosang had been pleasant. Even though Yeosang wasn’t the most talkative person, he had been glad to listen to San gush about their surroundings. San had held back a lot of his remarks though, in fear of overwhelming Yeosang. With Wooyoung, he rarely shut up, but that was okay because Wooyoung also never did. 

But San did like Yeosang. As he felt himself get lulled to sleep from exhaustion, he humoured the thought of dating Yeosang. 

_It doesn’t feel right, though…_ Were his final thoughts before sleep took over.

* * *

The next day was very much the same as always. 

Yeosang hadn’t woken San up after he had accidentally fallen asleep without even washing his teeth, so he had woken up feeling very dirty and groggy in the morning. Nothing a hot, long bath couldn’t fix, however. 

They filmed Seonghwa’s variety interview show at a new location again, with a new guest, but everything else was the same. The boredness, Yeosang’s weird smiles thanks to Seonghwa, and of course Seonghwa’s cold behaviour. Nothing special to note. 

After work, Yeosang and San once again went around Paris in search of a good location to take a picture. They visited more tourist sites - Arc de Triomphe, The Palace of Versailles, The Louvre (they didn’t go inside that, though). Nothing sparked San’s photo-taking inspiration however, much to Yeosang’s disappointment. He really, really wanted to be in a picture San would take.

After the tour and a dinner Sora joined in on, they returned to the hotel. San made sure to call the first bath this time. He was just as tired as the other day and almost fell asleep in the bath. 

“Tomorrow, I will just stay at the hotel”, San muttered as he buried himself on the soft covers in his bed. He fell asleep in seconds.

* * *

Saturday brought change to the schedule. It was time for the first of Seonghwa’s fashion shows. Today’s show would be held in Carrousel du Louvre, a shopping mall near Louvre. Seonghwa would be the main attractor, wearing top French fashion brands like Yves Saint Laurent, Louis Vuitton and Dior. According to Sora, the show was mostly held for Seonghwa’s fans to attend, but some high level fashion names were also expected to show up. The other models would also be all male.

When they arrived at the mall, San’s jaw dropped at the sheer magnificence of the place. The mall was located underground, but the whole place was bright and airy thanks to the high ceilings and light walls. They went in through some backdoor so San couldn’t see much of the place, but even the little he did see made him amazed. Paris really was something else! One could feel the history and luxury everywhere.

Seonghwa already had set clothes and accessories to wear thanks to the fashion brands, meaning Yeosang didn’t have any work to do. Instead, he chose to tail San as he was called to apply the makeup on Seonghwa. The brands had pretty strict guidelines on what they wanted the makeup to be to comply with their (truthfully ridiculous looking) products, but San didn’t mind it. Everyone wanted something grandiose and he was more than happy to oblige. 

“Purple always looks good on Seonghwa”, Yeosang commented when he and San looked at the first makeup in order, Dior’s purple and glittery fantasy set-up. 

Glancing at Seonghwa sitting wordlessly next to them, San couldn’t help but agree. No matter how much he didn’t want to admit it, he felt extremely giddy to put the makeup on Seonghwa and see him all shining and pretty. 

Having Yeosang follow his every move helped San not to put all his focus on counting Seonghwa’s long eyelashes or fixate on a particularly cute mole on his neck. Although Yeosang also was very unhelpful when he tried his best to talk Seonghwa as San had seen him always do. The short hums Seonghwa gave as his only answers made San feel annoyingly hot and heavy. 

“That eyeliner really makes your eyes pop, Seonghwa-hyung!” Yeosang would chirp.

“Mmhm,” Seonghwa would answer and San would gulp.

“San is really a great artist!” Yeosang would admire.

“Hmm”, Seonghwa would mumble and San would blush a deep scarlet.

“He made the makeup even better than pictured! Do you like it, hyung?”

San waited with baited breath as Seonghwa actually looked at himself in the mirror after San had put the finishing touches on the makeup. His eyes were lined with purple butterfly-like wings, with small beads of glitter splattered along. On his eyelids, right under the middle of his irises, San had glued two sparkly jewels that made his gaze that much more striking.

_Ethereal,_ San allowed himself to acknowledge the beauty of the model.

“It’s..”, Seonghwa finally started. The pause felt minutes long. “..good.”

San didn’t know why he felt so disappointed. He had expected it from what he had gotten to know of Seonghwa. But it still hurt. He always craved to be complimented on his skills, and being dismissed like that by Seonghwa really tampered his mood. 

Yeosang seemed nonplussed. “It’s more than good! It’s a masterpiece! Too bad we have to wash it away so soon. Wait! Let me take a picture!”

San whispered a small ‘thank you’ to Yeosang. Yeosang smiled at him as he took a quick picture of Seonghwa looking grumpy. As soon as he had taken the picture Seonghwa was called to get ready to go to the stage. Sora hurried over to them and told San to go with her and Seonghwa in case there were any last minute fixes needed to Seonghwa’s looks. 

“Isn’t this exciting?” she whispered to San as they hurried over to the start of the stage with their tools in hands. 

Everyone around them was running around as well, whisper-shouting orders and trying to get everything ready. The atmosphere was heavy with expectations, the other models seemingly giddy as well. The fashion brand representatives swished around all the models scattered around the backstage, checking their clothes over and over again. San felt more nervous than excited, yet he still nodded at Sora.

“I really love this”, Sora grinned as she quickly leaned close to Seonghwa to fix a rogue strand of his hair that had fallen to his painted forehead. “Fashion shows are my favourites. It’s so hectic you don’t have time to dwell on your thoughts. You have to live in the moment, be ready for everything.” 

“That is true”, San had to agree. Although he still dwelled on his thoughts of Seonghwa too much. Even through all the buzz and now pretty much full on panic around them, he found himself able to easily focus his whole attention on the calm looking face of Seonghwa. Seonghwa, who was looking so close to him, not paying attention to anything particular. 

His jewel was a bit skewed. San shyly lifted his hand to straighten it. When San’s fingers were only millimetres away from Seonghwa’s face, the model seemed to notice him. He turned his face to look at San, causing San’s fingers to accidentally brush his cheek. 

Widening his eyes, San pulled his hand back lightning fast, trying to blabber an apology as he died from embarrassment inside. It was the first time he had actually touched Seonghwa with his own skin, and the touch burned, and he so badly wanted to touch more - and be touched. Seonghwa only stared at him, face devoid of any attention.

“Don’t worry”, he just said. 

Such a simple thing, barely a full sentence, but it instantly calmed the inner storm of San enough for him to explain himself:

  
  
“The jewel had moved a bit. I-I’ll correct it?” it ended up sounding more like a question, but Seonghwa didn’t take note of it. He only nodded.

San took a deep breath as he lifted his hand again. Seonghwa’s eyes never left his face, making the task easier yet so, so much harder at the same time. He willed his hand not to shake. With a soft touch, he straightened the jewel. If his hand lingered there, on Seonghwa’s cheek, a tad bit too long, no one commented on it. 

And then Seonghwa was called to the stage and the spell broke and San let himself slump against the cold wall behind him. Screams and flashing lights from the other side of the curtain filled even the backstage. There was purple glittery makeup stuck on the tips of his fingers.

“You seem very awkward around Seonghwa”, Sora noted to San’s horror.

“Oh, uh, I.. I..”, he stammered, “he, um, he is the first celebrity I’ve ever seen in real life.” 

It felt like an excuse, because that was exactly what it was, but Sora seemed to fully buy it as she chuckled.

“I understand you. But once you work in this industry enough, you’ll get desentized to it all. In the end, even the biggest celebrities are only humans, just like you and I”, Sora said. She ruffled San’s hair, and then Seonghwa was there again and San didn’t have time to mull in his thoughts as he, working alongside Sora restyling Seonghwa’s hair, cleared the makeup off of the model’s face and started applying the new one. Yeosang was close by again.

The show lasted 3 hours, but the time passed by in a rush. Soon, San was washing the last makeup off of Seonghwa (a rather weird red makeup that for some reason resembled a ladybug, but Seonghwa still rocked it) and Yeosang was lounging on top of the messy makeup table. 

“You want to go out sightseeing again?” he asked San. “I wanna see Eiffel Tower again, I think we could even climb it this time!”

“I’m too tired for that, sorry Yeosangie. Two days filled with walking all around Paris and today not being able to sit even for a minute has totally worn me out”, San apologized with a pout. 

“Oh, I get you! So don’t worry about that and relax! I can ask Mingi and Yunho to go with me. I hear they know the best party spots.” 

“Can’t believe I will miss the biggest party Paris has ever seen!” San laughed, but secretly he was glad. Huge clubs weren’t his favourite places.

“We have free days on Monday and Tuesday, you can join us then. Right, Yunho?” 

Yunho, who had been standing slightly farther away from them with Mingi, grinned and nodded at them. 

“Not a day passes without a party with us!” he laughed with Mingi joining him as well. Together, they made quite a noisy couple.

San chuckled as well, earning him a short glance from Seonghwa whose face San had finally finished cleaning. He looked younger without all his make up on and face slightly flushed from the (soft) scrubbing from San. As their eyes met, San almost asked Seonghwa what he would be doing, but Seonghwa turned his gaze back to his phone too quickly, and the magic was broken and San was back to not caring about him at all.

After finishing cleaning up all the scattered makeup, San and Yeosang joined the rest of the crew on the minibus. San was sad to say goodbye to the mall and made a mental note to visit it again properly when he could. But for now he was also very glad to be able to get back to the hotel.

* * *

  
  


After Yeosang left with Mingi and Yunho, San was left alone in the huge hotel room. It was completely silent, only San’s breathing could be heard as he laid on the bed. The walls must be thick - perfect for what San was about to do.

He had thought about it in the minibus. About _him_. About Park Seonghwa. San had to accept the sad fact that, even though he hated him, he was extremely horny for Seonghwa. And who wasn’t, he was the hottest man alive; there was no shame in that. 

But San had to get over the hotness - he worked for the man! He couldn’t lust over him all the time, someone would surely notice some day. So, San had come up with a plan. 

He just had to jerk off to Seonghwa once. Thinking of him when he cums should do the trick, should erase all the hold the model had over him. A good wank, and he shouldn’t even be horny for anyone for a long while, that’s how it always worked for him. If you ignored the fact San had never in his life thought of anyone specific when he had jerked off. And San was indeed ignoring that. 

“Okay, let’s do this, San”, he mumbled to himself, all shame of talking to himself gone along with the shame of jerking off to a person who was literally a statue. Maybe that was actually better, thinking of Seonghwa as a statue - so he wouldn’t have to think of his annoying personality.

Before he could think more and back off from his grand plan, San unzipped his pants and pulled them and his boxers down to his thighs in one swift movement. His already hard cock popped up. The temperature in the room was perfect, not cold at all, but against his hard-on even that felt freezing. Quickly squirting a small amount of hotel-provided lotion onto his hand for lube, San started his jerk off.

It went well, very well. It was easy to get closer and closer to his release with thoughts of Seonghwa’s plump lips and long fingers being the ones around his dick instead of his own hands. Or trying to imagine how Seonghwa’s pretty face would look flushed and aroused as he pressed closer to San.. 

“Ahh..! I’m so close”, San breathed out, imagining Seonghwa hearing his moans and adding to them with his own. 

San arched his back off the bed, his eyes closed and fingers squeezing even harder and moving even faster along his shaft. Seonghwa’s name left his lips in a breathy groan as he spurted his load onto his shirt. 

  
“Fucking hell”, he panted as he slowly came down from his high. He had never cum this fast or hard, he almost saw stars.

But he still felt bothered. The plan was supposed to have been perfect! But no, Seonghwa’s image never left his mind. Now the fantasy was even evolving into a completely spent, completely naked Seonghwa lying under San as they had just cum together, his beautiful eyes hazy as he begged for San to take him again. Cursing, San tried to think of anything else, but it was futile - his cock was already hardening again and Seonghwa was all he could think of.

And so San ended up masturbating again, even with his dick extra sensitive and the touches bordering on painful. But this time he couldn’t bring himself to his climax - he’d get close enough, he’d feel the tremors in his body, but then it’d stop because he realized it wasn’t actually Seonghwa’s hand but his own and it wasn’t good enough anymore. Frustrated, angry and absolutely burning horny, San tore his clothes off of himself and stomped to the bathroom to take a bath. Or waited for the bathtub to fill excruciatingly slowly. When the cold water finally filled the tub enough San jumped into it without a second thought. The coldness was piercing, but it was exactly what San’s heated body needed. 

However, even spending half an hour in the freezing cold water didn’t help easing San’s mind. It just made him shiver as he laid back on the bed with only a new, clean shirt and boxers on. He decided to try to call Wooyoung. He would be the best bet to get his thoughts out of the gutter.

Wooyoung, bless him, answered after just two rings:

“San, my love!!” Even his loud screech was welcome music to San’s ears.

“Wooyoung, my muse! I miss you so much!”

“I miss you more”, Wooyoung pouted (it was so easy to hear the pout in his voice). “Why haven’t you contacted me in ages? I’ve sent you like hundreds of messages.”

“I’m really sorry, Woo, I’ve been so crazy busy and then so exhausted after getting back to the hotel I’ve gone straight to bed. I even once fell asleep without taking off my makeup or doing my skincare routine!”

Wooyoung gasped loudly and San laughed at him. Wooyoung was known for doing his 10-step routine even when drunk out of his mind.

“Is the job that hard?” Wooyoung asked. 

“Not really. Well, except today. We had a fashion show today so I had to apply makeup, wash all of it away and then reapply new one, this all repeated way too many times to be legal”, San complained. This was helping, complaining about anything to do with Seon- the idiot model. “But it’s mostly due to me going sightseeing with a team member, Yeosang. He is awesome by the way, I think you two would get along super well.”

“I get along with everyone, so I’m not surprised. But”, Wooyoung started and his voice had suddenly taken on a very familiar tone that it always took when he started talking about celebrity gossip, and San wanted to stop the call that instant because how stupid had he been? He should’ve known Wooyoung would be like this, he always was. “What’s this I hear about a fashion show? Tell me who the model is already, San?! Surely you remember his name already.”

San’s chuckle was forced. “Yea, of course I do. But he is a really small name, not known in the least. And I’ve got no idea how he got to be a model, his looks are not it at all. You wouldn’t be interested.” 

Wooyoung was silent for a second, but San knew better than to think he would drop the topic.

“Since when do you care about someone’s looks that much? You basically called someone ugly! You never talk about those kinda things. This is really suspicious, San..” Wooyoung complained, “But fine! If you won’t tell, I’ll have to put on my detective goggles and find out the truth myself. I think he must actually be really hot, otherwise you would have just told me his name. But I don’t get why you wouldn’t tell me even if he was hot. I have Hongjoong-hyung so I wouldn’t steal him away from you! I’d actually root for you! You deserve to have someone special for yourself finally, my dear!”

San let Wooyoung talk, because he was afraid of how his voice would sound if he spoke. Talking of _a model_ being hot and having someone special was doing the exact opposite to San’s body than what San had hoped from the call. 

“You said there was a fashion show today, and you are in Paris..” Wooyoung mumbled. San could hear him typing on his laptop and he panicked.

  
“Speaking of Hongjoong-hyung, how is he? He actually sent me a text when I arrived in Paris!” San desperately tried to change the subject and make Wooyoung stop googling.

Surprisingly, it worked well. “Oh, hyung got a new gig! It’s pretty huge, like it’s in an actual concert venue. I think he said it could house even thousand people. Wait, let me go ask him!”

San sighed in relief as he heard ruffling and a ‘just a sec’ from the phone. 

“Hyung! Hyung! Wasn’t the concert place super huge! For thousands of people!” Wooyoung’s voice sounded far away through the line. He had probably left his phone on his bed to run to talk to Hongjoong. 

Sadly, that gave San time to start thinking of his big issue again. Why was he so damn horny? Was it really because he had not gotten laid (ever)? But what could he do to remedy that? He couldn’t just run around asking the first guy he saw to fuck him. San didn’t work like that. He sighed deeply once again. 

Wooyoung was back after a minute or two. “San! Its maximum capacity was one thousand and five hundred people! Can you believe it? Hongjoong’s gonna hit it big! I always knew he would”, Wooyoung’s voice took on a soft, loving cadence. “I can’t wait to see everyone fall in love with him just like I did. He is heavenly on stage, San.”

“I know he is”, San couldn’t help but smile even though his heart felt heavy. Wooyoung must’ve noticed his mood from his low voice as he quickly chirped:

“You will find someone like that soon, San! Even if it’s not that model. You have so much love to give, if you just looked around you with the right mindset you’d notice how everyone is head over heels for you.”

“..Thanks for saying that, Wooyoung. I hope you’re correct”, San whispered. He didn’t want to tell Wooyoung it wasn’t the other people’s love towards him that was the problem, but himself with his stunted emotions and sky high standards. “But I think I have to go now. More work, you know?”

Wooyoung whined for a bit, but in the end let San go after he promised to be more in contact with him. After the call ended, San curled in on himself on the bed. It had been nice to talk to Wooyoung, but he knew San so well that he couldn’t hide anything. And right now he really wanted to hide his feelings about Seonghwa. And he still wasn’t sure why. 

Maybe because this was the first time he felt so horny towards someone else? San shook his head and buried his face into the huge pillow. No, Wooyoung would understand. He would never judge or make fun of San. Wooyoung had always told him about his crushes, in excruciating details, so it was normal for them to talk about such things. 

_Crushes._ San suddenly shot up. Of course! That was it! It would be embarrassing to talk about it with Wooyoung because all he felt towards Seonghwa was this primal lust. There were no soft feelings or the _crushes_ Wooyoung always had. He only liked Seonghwa’s looks. It made San feel extremely self conscious and vain. 

He felt euphoric having figured out the reason. A sudden energy filled his body. And whenever energy overflowed from his this way, he couldn’t stay still. He knew he would become hyper soon, so he decided to do what he always did when this happened - workout.

* * *

As San had remembered, there was a huge gym in the hotel. A huge, luxurious gym, of course. Nothing in the hotel could exist without it being adorned in gold and granite and diamonds and whatever. San walked around it a bit, with his mouth popped open in an ‘O’ shape. There was no one else around, so he didn’t feel the need to hide his ‘natural cuteness’ (Wooyoung’s words).

The work-out machines looked shining new, though San was sure it was all thanks to meticulous cleaning from the hotel staff. He felt a bit bad to dirty them with his sweat, but what could you do? It was their whole purpose - to make you sweat. 

And sweat San did. He giddily tried all the different machines, slowly consuming all his energy. It was amazing to just focus on the burning and stretching of his muscles instead of silly feelings.

After almost an hour of workout, San started feeling the earlier exhaustion from the long day return to his body. It was almost midnight.

“I should get to bed”, San said to himself as he stood up from the sit-up bench he had been lying on. He patted his sweaty forehead with his towel when he heard a voice he never wanted to hear:

“Who are you talking to?”

Park Seonghwa.

Of course he would meet Seonghwa. This was just San’s luck. And _god-fucking-damnit -_ Seonghwa was wearing a loose, white tank top with it’s front stuffed into black shorts that reached just over his knees. And those knees, oh, they were beautiful. San had never thought knees would be beautiful, but here we were. 

Seonghwa’s skin was pale, without blemishes. There were no unnecessary bumps in his knees, just slight redness that accentuated the beauty. No hair was in sight, and apparently San found this extremely attractive, if his suddenly twitching dick was to be believed. Thank God his pants were loose. Just like Seonghwa’s. But San could still see a slight outline of his thick thigh muscles. 

_Please have mercy, God, Buddha, whoever, whatever…_ San pleaded to the heavens, unable to take his eyes off of Seonghwa. _He could choke me with those guns and I would fucking thank him._

“What’s wrong with you?” Seonghwa’s frankly rude words said in his usual dead-pan voice gently crashed San back to Earth.

To be fair, he had stood there not saying anything for quite a while. Staring at Seonghwa. And Seonghwa had asked a question. So San forgave him this once.

“I was talking to myself”, he very eloquently answered Seonghwa’s first question. “And nothing’s wrong with me.”

To that Seonghwa didn’t say anything, just slightly raised his well-shaped left eyebrow in a very hot way. 

San bristled at Seonghwa. On the inside. On the outside he tried to appear emotionless. He bowed quickly to Seonghwa as a goodbye and started to walk towards the gym entrance. But he didn’t get very far before he got stopped by Seonghwa:

“Wait. I need to ask you something.”

San halted on his tracks and turned to look at Seonghwa. Did he just hear correctly? Seonghwa wanted to talk to him? Actually talk? Had San passed out from not being able to cum twice in a row and woken up in an alternate universe? 

“What is it?” San asked, somehow able to keep his voice steady, although his tone was rather defensive. He couldn’t help but feel like he had done something wrong from the way Seonghwa’s hard stare was on him.

Seonghwa took a while to answer. It was impossible to try to read him, so San resigned to just waiting patiently. When Seonghwa finally answered, it wasn’t exactly what San had expected.

“Have you ever done disguises?”

“Huh?” San blurted out. He was very aware of how dumbfounded he must’ve looked. 

Seonghwa had the decency to look away almost shamefully when he specified: “I mean, with makeup. Can you use it to disguise.. Someone? So no one can tell who they actually are.”

“I’ve never done that, but I think I could do it. But don’t accessories help more in that case?” San couldn’t believe he was actually seriously talking about this with Seonghwa.

“Of course I have accessories already. Oh, I mean, not me, uh”, Seonghwa very un-characteristically stuttered, but he recovered quickly and straightened his expression back into the resting bitch face. “Well, now that the cat is out of the bag, I expect you to be in my room on Monday noon. I assume you have all the needed tools.”

“I..” San started flabbergasted. He tried to recall if there had been a suggestion or a question somewhere in Seonghwa’s words, but no, it all was just a huge order. 

“Good. See you then”, Seonghwa just said. Apparently he was one of those kinds of people, to whom silence meant approval. And without giving San a change to speak, he turned on his heels and left him standing there, flabbergasted.

Just great. Like San’s evening could have gone any worse. 

Except of course it got even worse, because now he couldn’t even fall asleep while trying to figure out why on Earth would Seonghwa need San to disguise himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are getting ever closer to the actual point of this story.. I'm so sorry its taking so long lol. I hope you are still enjoying this! ^^


	4. Chapter 3 - Paris part 2

**\- CHAPTER 3 - PARIS PART 2 -**

On Sunday, Seonghwa had his second fashion show. This time it was at the same hotel they stayed at, much to San’s relief. After a sleepless night he was glad not to have to travel far. Yeosang probably felt the same. He had come back to the hotel only at the smallest hours of the night, giggling and humming and clearly very drunk. San wasn’t sure how much sleep he had had, but he certainly looked nothing like the shining morning-person he usually was. Served him right after laughing at and making San take a freezing bath on their first night there.

Generously giving Yeosang the first bathroom turn with heavenly warm water, San couldn’t help but once again turn his thoughts into last night’s conversation with Seonghwa. He was, by now, about 89% sure last night had indeed been a fever dream. No way the Seonghwa he knew was able to put together more than two words. Although his words had been very forceful and very impolite, as was normal, so San was torn. He dreaded seeing the model again.

It took Yeosang quite a while in the bathroom, leaving San barely 10 minutes to get ready. He hastily washed his face and brushed his teeth, but there still was no time for any eloquent makeup or hair styling. At least he looked better than Yeosang, whose hair was pointing in every which direction and face was pale as death. Even his black eye bags were more noticeable than San’s.

“You sure you want to come down with me? You don’t have to,” San said to Yeosang emphatically. Yeosang didn’t have any work to do, as all the clothing would be once again provided by fashion brands. 

Yeosang shook his head at San, immediately groaning loudly and closing his eyes at the pain the action caused him. “I shouldn’t have done that,” he mumbled to himself and then focused on San again, “I do want to come. I always want to see how Seonghwa-hyung is loo- I mean, how hyung’s clothes look on him. It gives me inspiration. I often end up asking KQ to get some of the clothes from fashion shows to use more on him.”

Yeosang seemed to be feeling better now, his face shining with excitement. San smiled at his enthusiasm and followed him out of the room. San himself was definitely not looking forward to seeing Seonghwa or his clothes. Unless the clothes made him look stupid. Then he might even sneak in a few pictures..

San and Yeosang arrived backstage slightly late, even though it was just a simple staff elevator ride away. Everyone else was already running around, full on business mode, barking orders and hauling clothing pieces from place A to B and back to A. Sora, armed to the teeth with hair products, jogged to them when she saw them. 

“Finally you are here, San! You need to immediately go do Seonghwa’s makeup!” she rushed out without hellos. 

San nodded and naively allowed himself to be led by Sora to a well-lit corner of the huge lounge that acted as the backstage. He didn’t have any time to prepare himself for seeing Seonghwa - a mistake he quickly regretted. 

While yesterday had been all about high fashion pieces from all the known brands, often being rather unique in physique and color (still looking absolutely stunning on Seonghwa), today’s clothes were all about being chic, sleek, stylish. 

Seonghwa was sitting on a makeup chair, one elegant, long leg perched on top of the other, both clothed in form-fitting black suit pants. The pants accentuated his thick thighs _extremely_ well. San felt his heart drop to his stomach and his dick begin to awaken. And now knowing how beautiful Seonghwa’s bare legs looked beneath the clothes, the situation was even more dire.

So much for taking pictures of Seonghwa looking silly.

When Sora pushed frozen-to-spot San closer to Seonghwa, urging him to do his job quickly, San was presented with the most beautiful sight of a tight, silky burgundy shirt and the smooth, chiseled chest peeking from the unholiest amount of buttons left unbuttoned he had ever seen.

“Oh.” _Fuck._

Seonghwa lifted his head at San’s slip. _Fucking hell_ , was the only thought in San’s head when he saw the once again contact-lens filled, strikingly light blue eyes stare at him from under the fluffiest fringe San had seen on Seonghwa yet. Sora had curled the strands a bit, giving Seonghwa a soft look contrasting the sexiness of the dark suit. 

“Hey,” Seonghwa said and San could swear he was going to combust. 

“Hi,” he answered. Somehow, even if he was burning inside, he could talk to Seonghwa like normal. Maybe because while San’s body certainly didn’t, his brain did know Seonghwa was an asshole and didn’t deserve him stuttering over him. 

Silence followed San’s words, but Seonghwa still looked at him. It nerved San to no end, but he absolutely refused to fidget under the gaze. 

“Well, let’s get started,” San finally blurted out, and Seonghwa finally looked back down to his phone and the silent drama playing on it.

Thankfully, today Seonghwa would only need one makeup through the whole show. It was especially relieving because today’s show was a very long one, starting from noon and lasting until the very evening. There were way more models this time as well, most of them women. And most of the women were definitely ogling at Seonghwa, and in conjunction, at San. The hot stares he felt at his back made him uncomfortable. Seonghwa seemed unbothered, as usual.

After 30 minutes, San was done with Seonghwa’s makeup and was about to call Sora to tell her, when Seonghwa stopped him:

“You still remember our deal?”

San almost jumped out of his skin at the unexpected voice. 

“Deal?” _Did yesterday actually really happen?_ San cursed in his mind.

“From yesterday.” _Apparently. Damn._ “About you assisting me.”

“Uhm. Yes, I remember that.” _Sadly._

“Ok. Good. As I said, come to my room at noon straight, with your makeup stuff ready. You know where my room is?”

“You mean your massive suite? Yeah, I should be able to find it. And I can always ask Sor-”

  
“No!” Seonghwa suddenly raised his voice just a fraction. He looked around them briefly to see if anyone noticed it. No one did, but he still continued with a shushed voice: “Uhm, no, don’t tell anyone.”

“Ooo-kay. Why?” San started to really get suspicious about this whole thing. One of his theories as to why Seonghwa required disguise was that he was going to rob a bank. Had he actually been correct? 

“Because I say so,” Seonghwa stated simply. 

_Good, he is back to being the spoiled brat he should be._ Outwards, San rolled his eyes. Seonghwa probably saw it but didn’t comment. Instead he silently told the exact location of his Prestige Suite. 

“Okay, so I’ll come there at noon, tomorrow,” San confirmed and Seonghwa nodded. “Fine.”

“Good. I expect only the best from you.” 

San could not roll his eyes any harder. 

“And really, don’t tell anyone.”

“ _Fine.”_ San was so going to regret this.

* * *

The show went on and finished well. San was somehow able to survive seeing Seonghwa in all the form-fitting, gorgeous suits. Although he wasn’t very happy to have discovered he had a huge suit kink. Yeosang didn’t help at all with his meticulous breakdowns of all the suits and his plans on making Seonghwa wear them more. He especially had immediately asked KQ to get the burgundy shirt for Seonghwa.

After the show, to celebrate the successful weekend, everyone dined at the extremely expensive hotel restaurant. Sora had to discreetly tell San which spoon and fork and knife to use when. San felt extremely out of place, but at least the food was good. Not worth the bill though. 

Having survived that ordeal, San thought to retreat back to his room for another get-Seonghwa-out-of-my-head session, but Yeosang instead dragged him to Yunho and Mingi’s shared room (San noted they also shared a king-sized bed).

Apparently Sunday was not a party day, contrary to what the bodyguard couple had let on yesterday. Along with them, San and Yeosang, most of the staff ended up in their room relaxing and playing cards. There was no alcohol involved, and despite Sora’s heavy insistence the card games never turned into strip poker. Though that was mostly thanks to San’s scandalized expression at the suggestion.

San enjoyed his time hanging out with everyone, but it was hard not to think that every minute spent brought him that much closer to Monday. And to Seonghwa. 

Nervousness filled San as he and Yeosang finally said good-nights to everyone around ten, and left for their room. San knew this would be yet another sleepless night, so he took out his laptop for the first time since arriving in Paris. Even if he wouldn’t be able to fully focus on any movie, it would still be better than to mindlessly roll around in bed with only Seonghwa in his thoughts. 

With Doctor Strange playing on the laptop screen, San let the hours pass by and sooner than he knew, it was Monday. And then after three more movies, it was Monday morning. 

Yeosang was still sleeping when San, tired of movies, put aside the laptop and got up to pace around the room. 6 more hours to go. 

_Should I try to sleep anyway?_ San wondered as he walked to the window next to Yeosang’s bed. The sun hadn’t risen yet, but the streetlights lit up the scenery enough for San to be able to get lost in it. He was feeling exhausted, both physically and mentally. If he went to bed now, he could get at least a few hours of sleep. If he could sleep, that was. 

The silence around him was calming though, and the hazy darkness of Paris in morning made San feel peaceful. He took a deep breath. Whatever Seonghwa wanted of him, San felt he could handle it. He left the window and jumped into his bed. After setting up an alarm, he fell asleep in a second and slept like a log without any dreams. He didn’t even hear his alarm ring and was woken by a pillow thrown by Yeosang who _did_ hear the alarm. 

“Sorry, sorry!” San blabbered as he rushed to shut off the ringing. Although not as completely exhausted as before, he still didn’t feel that well rested. He hoped a quick bath would make him feel better, but its effects were pretty much completely nullified by the wait for the tub to fill. 

San spent a full hour trying to get his hair sit right and his makeup look good. Then he spent half an hour trying to find a good enough set of clothes from the pathetically small amount he had brought with him from Seoul. And all the while he felt very annoyed by the fact he even cared about what he looked like. It was only Seonghwa, and he should not care about what Seonghwa would think of how he looked like!

In the end, San settled on a simple black turtleneck shirt with black skinny jeans. He hoped the thing with Seonghwa wouldn’t take long and he’d be able to go out sightseeing by himself. According to the weather app on his phone, the day would be clear but chilly. 

With one last glance into the mirror, confirming his hair was still good (his long, slightly wavy fringe was covering the left half of his face, while on the left side he had pulled the hair back so the dangly earrings with small diamonds Wooyoung had bought for him as a birthday gift few years back were showing on full glory), San left the room silently. Yeosang had fallen asleep again, thankfully without questioning why San was up and going so early on a free day. 

San found Seonghwa’s room easily. The clock was two minutes past noon as San knocked on the door after making sure no one was around to see him. He wondered if Seonghwa would be mad that he was late. He seemed the type to be mad about such things. San squared himself when he heard shuffling from the room. 

The door opened a miniscule amount. 

“Choi San?” Seonghwa asked from behind the door. San couldn’t even see him. 

“Yes,” San answered annoyedly. He hated being called Choi San. Being called Choi San by Park Seonghwa made him feel even more uneasy. 

Seonghwa didn’t say anything else as he opened the door a bit more, just enough for San to barely slip in. As soon as San was fully in, Seonghwa pushed the door closed. For a second, the two were unnervingly close to each other, making San feel hot all over, but Seonghwa moved away further into the room quickly. 

Following Seonghwa with his eyes, San took in the massive, _massive_ suite. It seemed to consist of several rooms, the one Seonghwa walked to probably meant to be used as a living room. The furniture and paintings on the wall were more modern than in San and Yeosang’s room. The white and black color scheme was elegant. From the ceiling hung a large crystal chandelier. It made San feel tiny and very poor.

There were a couple of couches in the room, and one of them, a huge black velvety couch was filled with clothes. Seonghwa stopped in front of it and turned back to look at San who had not moved an inch. 

“Are you coming? I want this done fast”, Seonghwa deadpanned. 

San braced himself once again and finally stepped further into the room. Seonghwa seemed satisfied with that and went to sit across a black table that was facing the sofa. On the table was a galore of sunglasses and various hats. For a disguise, San assumed.

For a while, the two of them just existed there in silence. San wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do exactly. The bag full of makeup felt heavy in his hand. As San shifted his weight from one leg to another, Seonghwa noticed the bag. 

  
“You brought the makeup needed?” he questioned, voice still lacking emotion. It, as almost everything about Seonghwa, unnerved San who was so used to very emotive people. 

He simply nodded. Seonghwa crunched his brows in a way that annoyingly made him look even more handsome. San shifted on his legs again, fighting the urge to cross his hands to make himself feel safe. It was so awkward.

“Get to work then,” Seonghwa spoke again - the irony that for once he was the one talking the most almost made San laugh. But he was way too nervous for that. Thankfully. 

And while Seonghwa was indeed talking more, his words were still very curt and cold. Trying to focus on the annoyance, San walked closer to the table. He laid the bag on it and turned to Seonghwa, who had not stopped following him with his eyes even for a second.

“What exactly do you want me to do?” San asked, channeling all the annoyance into his words so Seonghwa wouldn’t notice the slight shake of his hands.

“You need to disguise me, so I can go out without anyone being able to tell it’s me.”

San blinked, surprised. That was it? Seonghwa’s grand plan? If Seonghwa had been anyone else than himself, San would have immediately guessed that. “What do you want to go out for?” he couldn’t help but blurt out the question, still suspicious. It couldn’t be so simple!

Seonghwa furrowed his brows again, as if San’s question was stupid. “So I can go sightseeing of course.”

Such an innocent reason. San was dumbfounded. “And you can’t do that without disguise?”

“What? Are you really that stupid?” Seonghwa now looked seriously shocked. And maybe a bit angry. San definitely felt angry at Seonghwa’s degrading words. “The moment I put even my little toe outside, I’m immediately farmed by tons of fans. I won’t get a single moment of peace to myself.” 

He was right of course, as much as it hurt San to admit it. But he wasn’t ready to back down without a fight. “So you just force your makeup artists to disguise you?” 

“What do you mean?” San was _really, really_ getting tired of his tone. “This is the first time I ever… that I have this idea. I heard you talking with Mr. Kang about how amazing Paris was, and I wanted to see it for myself.” 

The pause in his words didn’t go unnoticed by San. What type of hurtful words had he been about to say? Maybe he had at least an ounce of courtesy in him not to say them. Annoying, annoying, annoying! 

“I really wish you didn’t”, San was so annoyed he stopped caring about his need to always be kind. Seonghwa brought out the worst in him.

“Well, you have to do what I ask. You are _my_ makeup artist”, Seonghwa stated, as if that made it all good.

“I’m not sure that’s how it works, but _fine”,_ San breathed out, trying to calm down. “I promised you I would help, so I will. But! Just this once.”

Seonghwa didn’t say anything to that, just held San’s heated stare. The usual silence fell between them again. It was as if they were waiting to see which one of them would actually explode and yell at the other.

San relented first. With a sigh, he turned towards the table and started rummaging through his makeup bag. He glanced at Seonghwa again, this time checking what he was wearing.

“..Are you wearing those clothes outside?” San asked shocked, stopping everything he was doing.

Seonghwa looked down on himself quickly. He seemed to deem his clothes good as he looked at San with his unemotional, yet beautiful deep brown eyes. “Yes.”

Sighing again, San shook his head in exasperation. “You scream rich model. That shirt is silk! And the brand logo is enormous. And the pants are way too fitting, and those shoes! No one goes sightseeing with dress shoes. Even if I masked you, you would catch too many eyes for it to be safe out there.”

Seonghwa’s eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly as he took in San’s words. Suddenly, he looked unsure of himself and his face appeared softer and kinder as all the impassivity left it for once. He looked like the young, human guy he actually was, and San didn’t know what to do with that. 

“I spent hours going through my clothes.. What should I wear then?” Seonghwa asked. All the coldness was absent from his tone. 

San was at a loss of words because of the sudden change. Was Seonghwa acting? Why would he? San already knew how he really was, there was no need to try to appeal better, _cuter_ to him. 

But Seonghwa kept on looking at him with his huge eyes, expectant. Finally, San tore his own eyes away from him.

“Something like a gray hoodie, and just normal black jeans are good,” he mumbled, facing the table again, “preferably as cheap looking as possible.”

Seonghwa thought for a moment. “Okay. I should have something along those lines.” He stood up from the velvet-draped chair and walked out of the living room to another room in the suite, probably to his bedroom. 

San was finally able to breathe. 

_What the hell was that?!_ He screamed in exasperation in his mind. Dealing with cold Seonghwa was.. Well, not easy, but doable. He just had to fight his arousal at his looks. But with Seonghwa looking so… _soft,_ his heart’s walls were crumbling. It almost made San think of him as a real human, with _feelings._ And thinking of Seonghwa and feelings in the same sentence was dangerous. 

Before San was able to crumble to the floor into an exhausted pile of confused thoughts, Seonghwa returned from wherever he went. On his hands, he was holding exactly the clothes San had recommended to him (except maybe a bit more posh looking). His face was completely expressionless once again.

“Once you are done with my looks, I’ll change to these, so please hurry,” Seonghwa basically ordered San as he sat back on to the chair. 

Bitch-faced Seonghwa ready to be applied makeup to was already so familiar to San his composure returned to him somewhat. At least enough for him to start working on the disguise. 

While watching movies last night, San had also done some research on what a good, unnoticeable disguise was. Seonghwa had very distinguishable features, but makeup was a powerful tool and a disguise for him should still be doable. San had decided the easiest way to achieve it would be making Seonghwa look older, so he drew some deep wrinkles to the corners of his eyes and mouth. To his smooth jaw he applied makeup to look like a 5 o’clock shadow. Add colored contact lenses, and Seonghwa would already look like a completely different person. 

Hair would be a problem though. San was not good at styling even his own hair, not to mention styling someone else's.. He decided not to style Seonghwa’s hair at all. 

“Do you have a comb?” San asked. Breaking the silence that was for once somewhat comfortable was a shame, but San did want this to be done as fast as possible.

“I.. think?” Seonghwa answered, unsure. 

“Ah, I forgot you don’t have to even comb your own hair ever”, San muttered. 

Seonghwa huffed, but otherwise ignored San’s words. “Just use your hands then.”

San almost choked on his spit. Was the idiot serious? Touching Seonghwa’s hair?! When San had imagined running his hands through it in his fantasies, imagined threading his fingers in the strands as he pulled Seonghwa’ head back to look at his beautiful, flushed face with his lips around San’s cock?! If San actually got to touch his hair, his fantasies would be that much more potent. He could never do it. 

“How about you do it yourself?” San instead countered. 

Seonghwa seemed genuinely shocked at the suggestion. But after a second, he had schooled his face back into stone and just nodded. He lifted his hand to his hair and San realized immediately that this had also been a bad idea.

The veins on Seonghwa’s hand were visible as he ran his long, slender fingers through the strands of his hair. As he pushed his hair up from his forehead, San felt the oh-so-familiar beginnings of arousal tingle in his crotch. Did Seonghwa _have_ to close his eyes when he did that? Even with the old-man makeup on, he looked as stunning as always. 

Suddenly Seonghwa stopped, with his hand half through his hair, letting a few strands fall from between his fingers to his smooth forehead. San desperately wanted to push them back up himself. He almost did it, if not for Seonghwa’s words interrupting him:  
  
“How exactly do you want my hair to be?” 

Oh, that. San had already forgotten he was working here. “Ah, just let your bangs drop freely to your forehead. I think going un-styled, a little messy even, will be the best. You can wear a cap and I think no one will be able to tell it’s you.”

Seonghwa nodded. “Sounds good.” And he returned to messing with his hair and San returned to looking at him dumbly. 

When they deemed Seonghwa’s hair good enough, Seonghwa went to the other room again to change his clothes, and San cleaned his tools. Seonghwa reappeared quickly, and San gave him a lookover (trying to make it look as casual as possible even with the heat consuming his body). He didn’t look like Seonghwa unless you were really looking. He did still look extremely handsome though. But not the ethereal beauty he normally was. In San’s books that was a complete success.

San chose a blue cap and dull looking eyeglasses from the pile of accessories on the table and threw them to Seonghwa when he came back. With those on, the look was complete. No one would notice him.

“Wow,” Seonghwa breathed out when he saw himself from the huge mirror hanging on top of the huge couch. “This could work.”

San scowled. “Of course it will work. I did it. Now get going so I can leave as well.”

“Yeah, okay,” Seonghwa seemed too amazed at his change to be annoying to San. He quickly grabbed a backpack from the ground San hadn’t noticed and walked towards the main door of the suite. San followed a few paces behind, eager to get out and away from Seonghwa.

Seonghwa opened the door slightly ajar, peeking his head out. He looked around.  
  
“The coast is clear,” he turned to inform San, before slipping out. San had to jog to make it out before the door closed. 

The corridor was indeed empty. Seonghwa started heading towards the elevators, so San decided to take the stairs upstairs to his room. Seonghwa didn’t stop him, or even actually notice he had left him. 

_I survived, somehow,_ San thought relieved. He still stole one last glance at Seonghwa’s back before he reached the stairs. The soft look he had seen on Seonghwa earlier would not leave his mind. _Or did I?_

* * *

Paris was chilly, and the sun was hiding behind the clouds. San didn’t mind it much - he had a destination in mind and in there the weather wouldn’t matter. Though as he chose to walk there, the coldness bothered him a bit. But the walk wasn’t long, thankfully. 

The Carrousel du Louvre wasn’t as crowded as it had been when Seonghwa’s fashion show had been there, but there were still a lot of people strolling around. San slowly walked along the huge corridors filled with stores of all kinds, admiring the high roofs and smooth beige walls. It almost didn’t feel like a shopping mall at all. 

San was pondering if he should take his one picture of Paris there or at Eiffel Tower, when a suspiciously familiar figure passed by him. San’s whole body froze. Surely not..

His suspicions proved correct as when he turned around, the figure had also stopped and was already looking at him. With those colored lenses, thin-framed glasses and the purple cap pushed up so his handsome face was easily viewable, San couldn’t make a mistake - it was Seonghwa.

“Are you following me?” San was the first one talking. He took a few angry steps closer to Seonghwa, who was now looking around them frantically.

“Don’t talk to me,” Seonghwa whispered when San was close enough to hear him. 

Unbelievable asshole! “Why did you stop then?” San threw back, but before he could even finish his sentence, Seonghwa had already turned on his heels and started walking away. 

San wasn’t about to let him go that easily, so he sprinted after him, easily catching him. 

“Hey, answer me! You stopped and specifically turned to me, and then you tell me not to talk to you? What’s the point then, even?” 

Seonghwa stopped abruptly, making San almost collide into him. San managed to stop in time, though, and he leveled an annoyed stare at Seonghwa’s back. He hoped it would burn a hole through him. 

“Don’t follow me! Or talk to me. You are pulling attention to me, and the disguise is not good enough to hide me then!” Seonghwa fumed as he turned around to face San. His eyes were darting from side to side, eyeing everyone around them with an almost scared look. 

San sighed as he too took a look around them. Ignoring Seonghwa’s hurtful words felt like the best decision in that situation. “No one is even paying any attention to us.”

He was correct. People were too busy to take notice of the two of them stopped in the middle of the way. They just rushed past them, their eyes on the stores instead of them. Seonghwa noticed this as well and his eyes widened again, that soft look from earlier in the hotel room returning to his face. San gulped. 

“You are right,” Seonghwa admitted, surprised. And then he smiled. 

San’s heart almost stopped at the sight. He stayed frozen in his spot as the now happily beaming Seonghwa left him. San hoped what he saw was just a halluzination. Because that was the brightest, most beautiful smile he had ever seen. And it belonging to Seonghwa was unfair.

As San stared at Seonghwa’s back, he saw him look around himself and then stop. He turned back to look at San, with eyebrows raised. He wasn’t smiling as wide anymore, but his face still radiated.. contendness. 

“Aren’t you coming?” he raised his voice at San. 

San was feeling weird. He wasn’t in control of his body as he jogged next to Seonghwa. Seonghwa nodded and smiled at him, and now as he turned to leave again, San followed along. 

* * *

“Did you know that Leonardo da Vinci never actually finished Mona Lisa?” San asked from Seonghwa, who was silent and expressionless again.

The two of them had been walking around the halls of the underground shopping mall without going inside any of the stores. Instead, trying to alleviate the awkward atmosphere and his own nervousness, San had been telling Seonghwa little tidbits of the history of the place or of the pictures of famous paintings hanging from the roof on some halls.

  
“The actual painting is also really small. The copy here is like 10 times bigger than the painting in Louvre. I think. I don’t remember the exact size of the painting,” San was going on and on. While watching movies and researching disguises, San had also read about the mall. He hadn’t thought the trivia would come useful to him, but being stuck with Seonghwa (even if he could literally leave him any moment - San wasn’t exactly sure why he hadn’t) in silence was torture, so he’d do anything to make it less painful.

Seonghwa wasn’t saying anything though, so it was still awkward. But San could tell Seonghwa was listening to his ramblings as he was looking intently at every painting San mentioned. It felt nice to be listened to, admittedly, even if the listener was Seonghwa. And somehow, this way Seonghwa’s imposing aura wasn’t that bad.

“I want to go to Louvre,” Seonghwa suddenly spoke.

San blinked at the sudden.. request? Statement? 

“Seeing the paintings here, I now want to visit Louvre. Shall we go immediately?” Seonghwa elaborated when San didn’t say anything.

Now San completely stopped in his tracks. Seonghwa wanted San to go with him? “Why do you want me with you?” he had to ask. Seonghwa had basically asked San to come with him earlier as well. San was so confused.

Seonghwa blinked at him. Then he scrunched his face, deep in thought. It seemed San’s question surprised him. San waited patiently for Seonghwa to find the answer, and hopefully realize that he did _not_ want San with him. It was a futile hope though, as Seonghwa finally answered:

“I feel safer with you.”

The things that single sentence did to San’s poor heart.. He desperately wished he was instead feeling aroused again. 

Not feeling the need to elaborate on that, Seonghwa started walking again. San could only follow him. It would be boring alone, he tried to excuse it to himself. But the embarrassing truth was, he didn’t want to leave Seonghwa. Especially hearing him say he felt safe with San. And if that caused San to smile to himself, no one needed to know.

The way from the mall to Louvre was short. When San and Seonghwa reached the Pyramid that acted as the entrance to the museum, both of their mouths fell open. San almost took out his polaroid camera to snap a picture right there and then, but was able to restrain himself. 

“You’d think this kind of glass, modern construct would look out of place surrounded by such classic buildings, but it fits perfectly. The contrast is actually making it even more beautiful,” San marveled, “It’s gorgeous!” 

Seonghwa looked from the glass pyramid to San, an unreadable look in his eyes. After a while, he looked back to the pyramid, his lips curved into a tiny smile. 

  
“It is,” he admitted. 

They stood there, admiring the pyramid for a while more. But not for too long - they needed all the time possible to go through Louvre. The lines already took ages. But all the trouble was worth it when they finally saw all the famous paintings. 

San didn’t know much about art, but even then he could appreciate the classic masterpieces. Every now and then they arrived at a piece San had read an useless fact about, and he gladly shared it to Seonghwa. As a response he got an appreciative hum. 

At one point they encountered a guided group, and San pulled Seonghwa discreetly to join it. They spoke some language neither of them had heard of, but that just made the tour even more fun as San continuously whispered to Seonghwa how some word sounded like something weird in Korean. Seonghwa didn’t laugh out loud, but his small smile told San he enjoyed the comments. And silent Seonghwa was easy to tolerate.

The tour lasted until the closing hours of the museum and when San and Seonghwa finally got out, it was already beginning to dark. San’s stomach growled. They hadn’t eaten anything at the museum because everything was way too overpriced.

“I’m going to eat something,” San informed Seonghwa. He wasn’t sure if Seonghwa would still insist on staying with him or not, but - even though San had shockingly enjoyed his time with him - he didn’t want to eat with Seonghwa. 

“Okay. I will go back to the hotel,” Seonghwa said and San breathed out in relief. 

“Okay,” San said as well. Things were suddenly back to feeling awkward. It seemed like neither of them knew how exactly to part ways.

Seonghwa rubbed his neck, showing his awkwardness even when his face was still stone. He cleared his throat a bit before saying: “Thank you for today. Don’t mention anything about this to anyone.”

San could easily agree to that. He definitely didn’t want people knowing he hung out with Seonghwa. The rumours it would cause...

“Tomorrow is a free day as well, so I expect you to be in my room at noon again,” Seonghwa continued.

San bristled. But the day had, even if he loathed to admit it, made him feel somewhat softer about Seonghwa, so he nodded. “Fine.”

After that, they said short ‘byes’ and San headed alone to find a good, cheap restaurant to eat in. He settled on a rustic, small bakery. As he was sitting there, he sent a message to Yeosang to ask about his day and asking him if there were any plans for the evening.

> _Yeosang_
> 
> _San San San! Today’s been awesome! Me, Yunho and Mingi have been looking for the best party place, and they think we have found it. You wanna join us? There’s billiards and darts and card games!_
> 
> _San_
> 
> _That sounds awesome, count me in!_
> 
> _Yeosang_
> 
> _Nice! Hey where did you go so early in the morning?_
> 
> _San_
> 
> _It was noon already but okay. I went sightseeing. At the underground mall place thingie? Wanted to see if there was good picture options._
> 
> _Yeosang_
> 
> _No! You didn’t dare… Not without me! You didn’t take a picture right?! Right??!_
> 
> _San_
> 
> _lololol don’t worry I didn’t! Maybe this night.._
> 
> _Yeosang_
> 
> _You better! Gonna give you a scene you just have to immortalize in a picture!_

With the plans for the rest of the day finalized, San checked out a message Wooyoung had sent him earlier that day. He had been somewhat scared to open it, sure that Wooyoung had realized which model he worked for. But no, it was just a message asking him how he was doing. San quickly answered it, telling Wooyoung he was doing ok and to stop worrying over him so much he would go bald. 

After San finished with his food, he called Yeosang to ask where they would meet. The pub was nearby, so San walked there after quickly buying some candy from a corner store. The pub Yeosang and Mingi and Yunho had found was a very nice, comfy and clean place, and they along with some other staff stayed there until the small morning hours. Yeosang did get nicely drunk and caused quite a scene, but San did not take a picture. No matter how much Yeosang insisted on it. 

Happily drunk San was able to easily fall asleep without a second thought of the next day and the second disguise of Seonghwa. He barely remembered to set an alarm. And once again, barely woke up to it.

* * *

“I’ll just do the same makeup for your disguise as yesterday, okay?” San told Seonghwa. He was in his suite again, at noon, ready and eager to get his job done. 

“That’s acceptable,” Seonghwa answered poshly, “It worked well yesterday. No reason to change a good formula.” 

Neither of them were mentioning yesterday’s events. San worked silently on the disguise as Seonghwa scrolled Twitter - or Instagram or Facebook, San had no idea about any social media - on his phone. It was exactly like all the normal work days to San. San just hoped it would stay as a normal sightseeing day and he would be able to stay clear of Seonghwa.

But things never went the way San wanted them to.

“Are you seriously actually following me?” San huffed, trying to keep his voice down so the crowds of tourists around them wouldn’t notice them. 

Seonghwa refused to look at him, instead staring upwards towards the top of Eiffel Tower, his hand perched on his brow shielding his eyes from the sun. 

“Please don’t ignore me. You were the one who walked to me in the first place!” It was so for San to not raise his voice. 

“It is just a mere coincidence,” Seonghwa huffed. 

San shook his head. It was suddenly hard not to laugh at the seriousness in Seonghwa’s voice and face, and the stiffness in his body. “Are you also going to ask me to stay with you again?” 

“Are you going up the tower?” Seonghwa threw a question back at San. 

“Yes”, San answered perplexed. 

“Then I will come with you.” 

“Awesome.” _Not awesome. At all._ But San was just too nice of a guy to deny even Seonghwa, so begrudgingly he headed towards the line to the lift with the model. 

What Seonghwa had failed to tell him at any point during their half an hour wait in the line, was that he had a fear of heights. As they stood close together in the full lift, Seonghwa had his back towards the outside. He was nervously wringing his hands as the lift ascended higher and higher towards the very top of the Eiffel Tower. 

“Why did you even want to go up if you know you can’t handle heights?” San scowled at him, “You are missing everything.”

Seonghwa spared him a quick glance. “Well so are you if you continue to stare at me.”

That made San blush furiously. He couldn’t refute Seonghwa’s words. He snapped his eyes back to the lift windows. To alleviate the awkwardness that always followed them, he started narrating the way the view changed during the ascend. Seonghwa, listening to him, stopped wringing his hands and seemed less scared. Still, he never turned around.

Even at the top level, Seonghwa only leaned his back on the window, looking at the other tourists walking around. San ignored him and instead fished out his polaroid camera from his back. The view down was gorgeous - you could see the whole Paris. San knew he wanted his picture from there, it was absolutely the most perfect place for it. 

San lifted the camera to his eye, trying to find a good spot to snap the picture of. He had just chosen a perfect scene and was about to take the picture when Seonghwa’s voice interrupted him:

“Hey.. San.”

It was the first time Seonghwa called him _San._ San, shocked, automatically turned to Seonghwa, with the camera still frozen ready and perched on his face. His mouth hung open slightly. 

“Few days ago.. I said I thought your makeup was just _good_. I’m.. sorry. Your makeup was.. and is.. amazing. You’re really skilled.”

“Oh.” San was completely taken aback. He didn’t even register his finger pressing down the camera’s shutter button or the sound of the picture being taken. Only when the small polaroid popped out did he realize he had just accidentally taken his one picture of Paris.

San took the polaroid in his hand. The background was slightly blurred. What the picture had instead focused on, was Seonghwa. His side-profile took up half of the picture. Even with the makeup-beard and glasses on he looked ethereal with the sky of Paris behind him and a thoughtful expression on his face. 

It was his one and only picture of Paris, but San couldn’t be angry. He could take another picture, but he didn’t want to. Seonghwa’s words were still making his insides churn pleasantly. A small smile rose to San’s face as he looked at the real Seonghwa from the photo-Seonghwa.

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally more interactions between sanhwa!! was so good to be able to finally write "san and seonghwa" lol hope you enjoyed their antics! ^^ thank you for reading again~


	5. Chapter 4 - To Milan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are skipping a lot of paris quickly, because i want to move to a new place lol. this might be rushed and its really short for me, and im so sorry for that, i had a hard time writing this lol but i hope you still enjoy it!

**\- CHAPTER 4 - TO MILAN -**

San truly hadn’t expected much to change between him and Seonghwa after the two days of sightseeing they had spent together. Yet he couldn’t deny the fact that he had started to see the stone-faced model in a slightly better light, having seen a glimpse of a different, softer side of him. But Seonghwa behaved the exact same way as before. Not talking to San, not looking at San, barely even noticing San applying makeup to him. It didn’t hurt San, not really, but it did make him annoyed. Even if Seonghwa had said some nice words, he was clearly still a bossy, rude asshole. It was almost comforting, in its own familiarity. It allowed him to push down the other feelings easier. 

The rest of the days of the Paris leg of the journey passed by in a familiar way. There were a couple of outdoor shoots for the variety show, making San’s feet hurt from walking around, but other than that the filming and the weekend fashion shows were almost the exact same copies as the first week’s (boring). Seonghwa had not asked for disguises any more, so after schedules San had spent all his time with Yeosang, sightseeing and playing around.

And just like that, quicker than he realized, it was already May, Thursday noon, and San found himself at the Paris Charles de Gaulle airport again. The amount of fans following them still left San shaking, even after having to constantly deal with them at the fashion shows and outdoor filmings. They couldn’t walk through them fast enough for his liking. 

Even when San was sitting on his seat in the airplane taking off, his skin was crawling from the brushes of strangers’ hands that had been yearning for the touch of Seonghwa. Yeosang was to blame for that - he had insisted they stay close to Seonghwa for some reason. Maybe it had something to do with how some fans seemed to recognize him from appearing in Seonghwa's behind-the-scenes videos? Yeosang had shown some of them to San one day they had been too tired to go out.

The flight from Paris to their next destination - Milan, Italy - was short. Seonghwa spent the whole of it in his small cabin. San, sitting beside Yeosang as always, couldn’t help but think once again back on the two free days he had spent sightseeing with Seonghwa. It almost felt surreal. He had spent two days in the company of the one person he hated, and he had not hated it. 

The plane had just breached the cloud cover when Yeosang sighed audibly and brought San back from his thoughts.

“I still can’t believe your polaroid of Paris doesn’t have me in it!” Yeosang complained, “And that you won’t even show me the photo.” 

San rubbed his neck. This would be an awkward conversation. One he had gone through with Yeosang many, many times already.

“I’m really sorry ‘bout that, Yeosang, you know it. The inspiration and perfect opportunity just hit me suddenly, I had to take the photo right then,” San explained mechanically, “but you will be in Milan’s polaroid!”

“I won’t ever leave your side then!” Yeosang laughed and San couldn’t help but ruffle his hair. He was adorable.

But San also wondered if Seonghwa would want to sightsee in Milan too. And if he did, would he want San to come with him again? Because then Yeosang couldn’t join them. 

As if reading San’s thoughts, Yeosang muttered out: “I wonder if Seonghwa ever wants to go sightseeing.”

It took San all the willpower he had not to yelp in shock at Yeosang’s words. He managed to stay quiet, although he did visibly flinch. Yeosang didn’t notice it as he continued:

“I mean, he can’t unless he takes YunGi with him and they’ve never told me he has gone out. Like ever.”

“YunGi?” San immediately latched onto any topic not dealing with Seonghwa.

“Oh yeah, that’s what Sora called Yunho and Mingi yesterday. It’s kinda catchy,” Yeosang explained. San 'ah'd in understanding. So he wasn’t the only one who thought the two came as a pair. 

“Anyways, Seonghwa apparently never left his hotel room in Paris.” (San gulped, he was starting to sweat.) “Actually, YunGi have worked with Seonghwa for two years now and they’ve never been asked to escort him outside whenever they are abroad. Isn’t that curious?” Yeosang mulled.

San laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, super curious.”

Apparently his tone of voice hadn’t been as normal and stable as San had hoped. Yeosang lifted a slightly judging eyebrow at him. “Forgot you hated the poor guy. Still don’t know what he has done to you.”

San shrugged. He really, really wanted this conversation to be over. But, as always, his wishes weren’t answered and now even Sora joined in on the teasing from across the aisle. 

“I think San must be envious of Seonghwa’s looks,” Sora chuckled and San blushed scarlet. 

“That’s not true at all!” he tried to refute. 

“I totally get you, San,” Yeosang sighed somewhat dreamily, “it’s hard to believe someone could be so damn handsome.”

Sora’s eyes darkened somewhat but she didn’t lose her smile. “Careful now, Yeosang.” 

It was Yeosang’s turn to look awkward. He laughed abashedly: “Just stating facts, nothing more to it, Sora.”

San was swishing his eyes between the two of them. Something weird was going on. Could they really be alluding to what San thought they were.. “Yeosang, do you l-”

“San, you should get ready to go fix Seonghwa’s makeup after I’m done with his hair,” Sora interrupted him. She had stood up from her seat and walked to them.

“What?! Already? We just sat down”, San exclaimed shocked. Sora chuckled at him.

“Yea, it’s almost been an hour and we will start descending soon. I assume you want to be done with the makeup before that.”

“For sure,” San breathed out. 

“Good. I’ll be going now, you two better be careful about what you talk about,” Sora smiled, but there was a real warning behind her words. 

San nodded solemnly and Yeosang was looking everywhere else but the two of them. Sora tsk’d at him before leaving them to go to Seonghwa’s cabin. San desperately wanted to ask his question again. He wanted to know if his intuition was correct - Yeosang had feelings for Seonghwa. But seeing how Yeosang was looking very uncomfortable, San didn’t want to bother him any more. 

Instead, San looked out of the window. There was a small amount of clouds scattered across the vast blueness and from between the clouds San was able to see the ground, a miniature world. They were so high up. Suddenly San remembered Seonghwa’s fear of heights. 

_ Is he doing okay now?  _ San wondered worriedly. He wanted to go and see him. His annoyed mind tried to tell his worried heart he would have to soon go to him anyways, no point in wanting the meeting to come any faster. 

And as soon as he had thought that, Sora already emerged back from the cabin. She looked from San to Yeosang and back a few times, before nodding and motioning to San to go on. San thanked her and passed by Yeosang. He wanted to say something to the stylist, but Sora was still close by, so he just waved at him. Yeosang, smiling slightly, waved back. San hoped he was feeling a bit more comfortable by now.

Having learned from the last flight, San didn’t knock on Seonghwa’s door and just barged in (softer than he meant to). This time Seonghwa lifted his head to look at San. San counted that as a victory. Something had clearly changed since Paris, after all. Their relationship was indeed growing!

Wordlessly, San began his work. He was becoming a pro at handling his horniness around Seonghwa. Surprisingly, the less annoying he found Seonghwa, the easier it was to not be aroused around him. Maybe San had tried to fix the problem the wrong way, and the actual solution was to see Seonghwa as just a normal human and not some incredibly handsome heavenly figure.

Seonghwa had smudged the eyeliner on his right eye quite a bit, and San had to redo the whole eye from scratch. Judging from the small stain of black eyeliner on the side of Seonghwa’ hand he had probably rubbed his eye accidentally. San sighed. He took out a wet tissue from his makeup bag and then extended his hand to Seonghwa. 

Seonghwa looked at it questioningly.

“Your hand, please,” San explained, “I need to clean the eyeliner off of it too.”

It still took Seonghwa a while to comply, his eyes never leaving San’s hand. But then he slowly lifted his dirtied hand and San held his breath. The touch was feather light, yet it burned San’s palm like the scorching sun. He wanted to revel in it longer, but Seonghwa looked uncomfortable. The San before Paris-sightseeing would have loved to continue making Seonghwa uncomfortable for as long as possible, but the current San quickly rubbed the eyeliner off of Seonghwa’ hand and released it. 

Seonghwa pulled his hand back swiftly, with a tiny look of relief flashing on his face. That cemented for once to San that Seonghwa did not see him in any better light than before. Maybe even worse. So much for the victory earlier.

_ It’s better this way,  _ San tried to convince himself. 

San silently finished polishing up Seonghwa’s makeup and quickly cleaned up his tools. After that, he however lingered frozen on his spot, not being able to bring himself to leave just yet, no matter how much he internally screamed at himself. The question that had burned his mind since he had got back to the hotel after visiting Eiffel Tower, popping up every time he saw Seonghwa, had to be asked.

San cleared his throat, gaining Seonghwa’s attention. Him looking at San with his big, cold eyes almost made San chicken out and run out of the cabin. But he stood his ground.

“This is probably the only time we can talk in private for a while, so let me just ask this right now: do you want me to disguise you in Milan as well so you can go sightseeing there?” San blurted the question out.

A surprised look flashed in Seonghwa’s face before he schooled it into seriousness again. “What is there to see in Milan?”

“I.. I’m not sure, actually,” San stammered. He was surprised Seonghwa seemed not at all interested in sightseeing, like he had been in Paris. “I’m sure me and Yeosang will find out when we go wander around.”

“You and Yeosang.. Hmh. You haven’t told him - or anyone else about Paris right?” Seonghwa grunted. San bristled at the tone.

“Of course not. I always keep my promises.”

The dark look in Seonghwa’s eyes didn’t disappear at his words. San was sure he also looked as dark as he glared a hole into Seonghwa’s forehead (he couldn’t bring himself to look straight into his eyes). 

“Well, I don’t care if you don’t want to,” San said, “Just didn’t want to get any surprises this time. Don’t come running to me if you change your mind.” 

San turned to leave the cabin, but was stopped by Seonghwa’s words. It was becoming almost a habit for them.

“Fine. Wait,” Seonghwa muttered, “You find any good places to see and show them to me. I don’t know when we have free days yet, but I expect you in my room at noon on the first.”

Not even the deadpan, bossy way the words were said was enough to quench the flicker of happiness in San’s traitorous heart. Later, he would hate himself for feeling it, but now he accepted it. 

“Fine,” he said, hiding the excitement behind an annoyed tone.

After allowing himself to be glared at by Seonghwa for a minute, San left the cabin without a word. When he reached his seat he had to force down the smile that had risen on his face when he had turned away from Seonghwa. Suddenly, he was looking forward to Milan with a lot more vigor than before. Even if Seonghwa clearly still disliked him.

And even if that feeling was not mutual anymore.

* * *

From the airport to a luxurious hotel, and from the hotel to a dinner in a stylish restaurant - the arrival day followed the same exact pattern as in Paris. Even Ilyong-director’s speech before the food arrived was almost the same from word to word. At least the part San listened to. Yeosang had shown San a new mobile game on the way to the hotel, just for this exact moment, so the two of them played that while letting the director’s words flow to a deaf audience. 

But one part San had been sure to hear - the free days. They had arrived in Milan on Thursday, May 7th, and the free days would be on Friday the 8th, and then Monday the 11th and Monday and Tuesday, the 18th and 19th day. Three all in all. San wished against his better judgement that Seonghwa would want to go sightseeing on all of them.

Since the first free day was tomorrow, the whole group of staff stayed out drinking and partying until the wee hours of night. San, knowing he had to be up before noon, tried not to drink until he was drunk, but it was hard with Yeosang getting drunk and starting to pester San about the polaroid already. The stylist was adorable drunk (even more adorable than he usually was), but it was their first few hours in Milan and San was already tired of the subject of the photo.

During night back at the hotel, when Yeosang had gone to YunGi’s room for an afterparty, San opened his laptop to research where to take Seonghwa. The whole thought -  _ taking  _ Seonghwa somewhere - made San nervous yet excited. In Paris, they had always left the hotel on their own but somehow met each other again in the metropolis that the massive city was. If San had been more of a romantic, he might have called it fate. But he wasn’t, especially when it came to Seonghwa. So, it had all just been annoying coincidences. 

But now.. They would leave together, for the same place. It was almost like a da - except San wasn’t a romantic. When it came to Seonghwa. 

San shook his head, trying to stay on the topic of research. Lately, it had been so hard to keep his thoughts away from Seonghwa. Lately meaning ever since he had seen the model for the first time. It was so annoying. What right did he have to invade San’s mind like this? San almost hoped the thoughts would all have continued to be sexual in nature, but sadly that wasn’t the case. They had been curious, hopeful of getting to know the mystery that Seonghwa seemed to be better.

“Ahh!” San exclaimed, throwing his head back against the solid wood headframe of the queen size bed (Yeosang had his own separate bed). “This is impossible! Stay out of my thoughts, stupid model!”

San felt slightly silly yelling all that aloud. But it helped. He was able to read about more of the places they could go to, ending up having few possible options. He hoped Seonghwa would get interested in at least one of them. San also tried to find as much trivia knowledge of the places he could, since Seonghwa had (according to San) liked them so much last time.

It was already 5 A.M when San finally burrowed into the soft, somewhat too warm covers and tried to fall asleep. However, he was just way too overexcited for the day to come and it took him well over an hour to fall into a light sleep. 

* * *

In this hotel, Seonghwa’s room was on the 7th floor. To try to be more discreet, San took the stairs instead of the elevator, causing him to have to wait several minutes in front of the door to Seonghwa’s suite to calm down his breathing. He checked his face on his phone camera and when the redness had subsided enough, he knocked on the door.

Seonghwa answered almost immediately. He didn’t even ask if it was San, just left the door open for him to slip in. San closed it behind him and walked further into the room. This suite seemed even more outlandish than the one in Paris. But at the same time, less royal. The living room San walked into was next to a full kitchen. Lucky Seonghwa, no need to go out to eat. Although San highly doubted Seonghwa cooked his own food.

San sat himself on the huge beige leather sofa, watching as Seonghwa checked himself out on a huge wall length mirror. He was wearing the same clothes he had worn during Paris outings. San hoped they had been washed. Seonghwa’s hair was messy and San wondered if he hadn’t touched it since waking up. It would be perfect for the disguise. 

“Where are we going today?” Seonghwa asked. “I didn’t expect the free day to be this soon. Did you have time to go out sightseeing?”

“Of course not, we spent the whole day out dining and drinking,” San explained. He couldn’t see Seonghwa’s face as he was facing away from San, but his shoulders stiffened for some reason.

“How.. vulgar.”

“Whatever,” San rolled his eyes, “I did do some research. I was thinking we could check this cool shopping mall out. It’s how we started in Paris too.” 

“A decent suggestion,” Seonghwa admitted. 

San didn’t like how he felt so annoyed and.. disappointed? at Seonghwa’s standoffishness. 

He sighed and pushed the silly feelings away. “Okay then. Let’s get to work.” 

The makeup was done quickly. San could call himself a master of makeup-beards now. The one he painted on Seonghwa could have 100% been mistaken for a real one. He went a bit easier on the wrinkles because of that. Seonghwa looked unrecognizable, but handsome. San was proud of his makeup skills, and Seonghwa’s looks just enhanced his skills.

Seonghwa gave no comments about the disguise. With no conversation they simply headed out after Seonghwa made sure no one was around. San wondered if he should take the makeup bag back to his own hotel room, but Seonghwa said it would cause too much of a risk of being noticed. San had to agree. Also, if Yeosang would be up, he would surely ask where San was going and ask to come with him.

In silence, San navigated the two of them to their destination: Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II, an old, stylish shopping mall in central Milan. The walk there was short which was a blessing in the rising heat. When they arrived at the plaza that held the mall, Seonghwa’s jaw dropped open. 

San held back a chuckle. “Amazing, right?” He was also impressed at the sight. The pictures didn’t do it justice - an old, gothic church on one side and the beautiful mall at one. It was the correct decision to go there first.

“It’s.. really beautiful,” Seonghwa said in awe. He walked ahead of San and looked around himself, his face bright and content even if he wasn’t smiling. 

San’s eyes didn’t stray from Seonghwa, even if the view was breathtaking. Seonghwa fit in so well to their surroundings and San hoped he wasn’t wearing the disguise. His mind started imagining Seonghwa with a completely different makeup, a gothic look that would suit the buildings around them. He made a mental note to scribble that in his notebook back at the hotel. 

After walking around the clearing for a while, they headed inside the shopping mall. It wasn’t huge, just two long streets topped by gorgeous iron-and-glass roof arches that let in the sun beautifully. Seonghwa spent a lot of their walk around the place with his head tilted upwards, basking in the sun and admiring the arches. It made San smile. 

They visited some of the stores, more to look at the interior than to really buy anything. The stores were all way above San’s comfort level of price, offering luxury goods of any kind. Seonghwa wasn’t very interested in buying stuff either.

“Don’t you have anything you want for yourself?” San asked him.

Seonghwa shook his head. “Why would I?”

“I don’t know, to have memorabilia of this place?” San shrugged. 

“Hmm,” Seonghwa thought for a while, “I don’t think a shirt or shoes I could get someone to buy me anywhere else would remind me of Milan.”

San had to agree. He much preferred pictures (or polaroids, as he had chosen for his preferred memory taking way for this journey), than any buyable souvenirs. While the shopping mall was gorgeous and had a lot of history behind it, it didn’t give San the inspiration to take a picture. He would remember it without one.

“Did you know this is Italy’s oldest shopping mall?” San asked Seonghwa, who just shook his head. “It’s actually one of the oldest in the whole world.”

When they got to the middle of the shopping mall and saw the floor mosaics, San remembered reading about a tradition of spinning on one’s heels on top of the testicles of a mosaic bull and that bringing luck. Seonghwa looked mildly disgusted when San told him that and it was hard not to laugh at his expression.

That look of disgust, barely there, had been the most emotion San had really seen on the model the whole day. He couldn’t lie, he had expected more. He shouldn’t have, he knew it, he knew how Seonghwa was and would always be. But he had wanted more; to get more hints of the Seonghwa puzzle. But now that would have to wait for another day, since San didn’t want to push him too much.

Despite that, the day had been awesome. They ate together at one of the restaurants in the mall. San panicked everytime Seonghwa drank that he would mess up the makeup. He didn’t, and San got a stern stare down from Seonghwa for looking at him for too long and too intently. San was extremely embarrassed, but he did  _ not  _ blush. Thank god the restaurant was dimly lit..

After food San bought himself an ice cream from a small booth on the way to the hotel. He had asked Seonghwa if he wanted one also, but he had just said no. However, San caught him glancing at his ice cream a few times. For a short moment San thought of sharing the ice cream with Seonghwa. The thought made him uneasy, in the wrong way. He chomped down the icecream as fast as he could after that.

When they reached their hotel, Seonghwa headed up first with San waiting outside for a while. Neither of them wanted to be seen together. While waiting, San looked up at the sky. It was already starting to get dusky. The day had gone by so fast, and even though Seonghwa had been distant, San had enjoyed spending it with him.

Throwing one last look at the people scurrying around, San went inside the hotel as well.

Finally back in his own room, San lied down on the bed. He was feeling full and content. Yeosang wasn’t back yet from wherever he was, so to pass time San decided to give Wooyoung a call. He missed his voice, even if he feared how the conversation would go.

Wooyoung answered the call after only two rings. 

“San! Sannie! My love” his shrill voice came out from the phone San had expertly pulled away from his ear. “I missed you so much!”

“Wooyoung! My boy!” San yelled back. “How are you surviving without me?”

“Perfectly, thank you very much, sir. It’s you we should be worried about!”

San huffed and rolled his eyes playfully.

“Did you survive Paris?” Wooyoung asked, this time actually sounding worried. San had to smile at that, feeling warm at the way Wooyoung always cared about him. Having been around only strangers for weeks now (even if he had gotten close to Yeosang) had left him feeling somewhat lonely.

“I did. We are in Milan already,” San told Wooyoung happily. Wooyoung wanted to know what he had done in Paris and Milan so San explained everything to him in detail. Of course not mentioning anything about Seonghwa. Wooyoung noticed that.

“So how about that model of yours?” 

“What about him? Didn’t you go search about that last time we spoke?” San sounded provocative.

“I did, but I’m not sure if it was fruitful or not. I saw pictures of Park Seonghwa in Paris, but that couldn’t be it. He’s too huge of a name and even you would know him. But KQ’s Park Jisung also traveled somewhere, but it wasn’t noted where. Also he is super young.”

“Oh,” was all San could mumble out. Wooyoung was so close.. And he of course noticed San’s weird response.

“So it was Jisung?!” he exclaimed, sounding excited.

San laughed. “No, not Jisung.” He took a deep breath. There was no point in hiding it anymore. “For your information, I did not know  _ his  _ name. Just his face. You can only imagine my shock when I saw him for the first time.”

“Wait..” Wooyoung stayed silent for a long while. San was trying not to laugh out loud. His heart was beating fast, because now Wooyoung knew the secret. Would he wonder why San hadn’t told him before?

“Are you saying what I think you are saying?? Park Seonghwa..?”

“Yeah,” San could only say.

“No way, are you actually serious!? You really,  _ really  _ work for Park Seonghwa?”

“Yup.”

“No fucking way. That’s crazy! Now I totally get why you didn’t tell me before. I mean I probably wouldn't have believed you anyways. Damn! Park Seonghwa is the biggest model in our country!” Wooyoung took a deep breath, a bit shaky. “San, he is definitely not ugly. You were lying about that, right? To throw me off. Not even you can be that blind.”

“Well, his looks are not ugly, but..” San was glad Wooyoung wasn’t grilling him on why he hadn’t told about Seonghwa to him.

“What buts!? Like even from just pictures you can see he is completely otherworldly. No one compares.”

“That is true. It is even more unbelievable in real life. But - don’t cut me off, Woo - it’s all he has! He has the personality of a vax doll,” San complained. “He doesn’t talk, he doesn’t smile, and if he does talk it’s to complain! He is the embodiment of rudeness.”

He wasn’t necessarily lying, just omitting the small glimpses of softness he had seen in Seonghwa. It was easier that way. That way Wooyoung would not get those  _ ideas _ of his. Of trying to get someone “special” for San.

“I have never heard you complain so much about someone before. You used to be nice!” Wooyoung fake cried to San who chuckled while sighing in relief inside. 

“That’s just how annoying it is. I have never met a person without at least the tiniest amount of courtesy in them.”

“Maybe that’s just how models are? It’s a tough world they live in, San,” Wooyoung mulled. 

“Maybe. Tough world of being worth billions of won and owning at least half as much.” San had barely no sympathy for (mean) rich people. “If he donated to charity, maybe I could cut him some slack.”

“I bet he does,” Wooyoung said. “It’s good publicity.”

“So it wouldn’t even mean he is kind and cares about the cause? That would be so Seonghwa.” 

“Hearing you call him Seonghwa makes me jealous, not gonna lie. I wish I could call a celebrity by their first name,” Wooyoung's voice took on a dreamy tone. 

“You can when Hongjoong-hyung makes it big”, San laughed, “it’ll be even better then! You will be the boyfriend of the biggest musician in Korea.”

Wooyoung squealed at the thought. San grinned at that. Happy Wooyoung meant happy San, at least 90% of the time. Sometimes happy Wooyoung was planning something really evil for San, like a blind date… San would rather forget that little event from ever happening. 

“When he gets fangirls, I’m gonna make them all sooo jealous,” Wooyoung laughed evilly.

“I can already see that,” San chuckled. From that point on, the conversation strayed away from Seonghwa. It felt so freeing to San. The secret was out, and Wooyoung had been chill about it. San smiled for the rest of the call, and one hour later when Yeosang arrived and San ended the call, the smile stayed on his face for hours. The upcoming work week felt exciting to him, and the free days doubly so. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! 
> 
> any kudos and/or comments would be much appreciated, cus at times i really dont like what im writing but reading all the comments just inspires me so much T_T♥ thank you thank you thank you for them! ^^


	6. Chapter 5 - Milan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg I'm sooo sorry!! this took ages... Only halfway writing this I got my inspiration and motivation back, it's prolly super noticeable so sorry about that. I also got sooo addicted to Genshin Impact... so that took all my time lol. But this is long and way better than last chapter, so please enjoy!

**\- CHAPTER 5 - MILAN -**

The weekend started with a fashion show inside a modern shopping mall. Apparently the place was packed full and every floor of the building was used for the audience. San hadn’t seen anything of that as the staff had arrived hours before the show started and they spent the whole day backstage again. 

That was really the worst part of the job: San could never see the actual show. Or more specifically, Seonghwa working. It was slightly disappointing, even if San didn’t have any interest in fashion or modeling. But if it was Seonghwa he was watching, he was a tiny bit more interested. But right now, San could only suck up his disappointment and work to his best ability.

The theme of this fashion show was spring. The clothes Seonghwa would wear were light and flowy with bright colours, many of them adorned with various crazy patterns. For makeup, that meant a lot of glitter and jewels. San got pretty free hands this time, to his huge joy. He had really started to want to play around with Seonghwa’s handsome features. The possibilities for all kinds of fabulous looks he could pull off were endless.

For the first suit (a pretty pink suit) San chose to do a pink eyeshadow with gold glitter dusted on the upper eyelids. He also used a bright pink mascara for his lashes, creating quite a striking look for the model with his blue contacts. Sora styled Seonghwa’s hair up, making the makeup the focal point. Overall, as Seonghwa walked towards the entrance to the stage, San felt very proud of his work. He wondered if he should snap a picture once Seonghwa would be back.

In the end San decided it would be better to look for professionals’ photos of Seonghwa once they uploaded them to the internet. He was just too busy removing and doing new makeups to fish up his phone from his backpack. But every look he created on Seonghwa’s face was picturesque. 

This was definitely San’s favourite work day so far. Seonghwa also seemed a little mellower than he usually was. The bright, happy colours did wonders for his bitch face, masking it almost completely. They also seemed to affect his manners, as he had even said back a ‘hi’ to San when he started his work!

However, there was a person who wasn’t feeling the spring theme. Yeosang.

“It looks so wrong on Seonghwa,” he explained to San after he had spent minutes complaining about the theme. “He looks so much better in dark colours and fitting clothes. Like that shirt he has on right now-” Seonghwa was wearing a tie-dyed extra large T-shirt, colored in every pastel color imaginable. “- it’s just so tacky. And hides his perfect bodyline. And those pants! Who thinks pink flared pants look good?!”

San pouted. “I think he looks really nice. Especially with that yellow and gold makeup. I love being able to use shocking lipstick.” 

“Yellow and pink don’t go together!”

San disagreed with that as well, but didn’t want to start an argument. Yeosang was getting more and more annoyed by the minute. “Somehow he makes it look good,” San just shrugged.

Only a sigh was heard from Yeosang. He was looking somewhat melancholy. 

That was the end of the conversation, as Yeosang got lost in his phone and San started - with a sigh as well - cleaning and preparing his makeup tools. Seonghwa had just stepped to the estrade and the clapping and cheers of the audience filled the silence.

Just one more look to do and the day would be done and San could go out sightseeing with Yeosang. If Yeosang only wanted to join him. His mood didn’t improve during the last moments of the show, and as the freedom came he told San he would go straight to the hotel. San was worried of him, but wasn’t sure if they were close enough for him to inquire about it more. So he just bid goodbye to Yeosang and started his lonesome tour of Milan streets.

He had no real destination in mind. The day was warm, bordering on hot, and the early evening streets were full of people. It was easy for San to get lost in his thoughts as he zigzagged between the masses. This time his thoughts were filled with Yeosang instead of Seonghwa. It would have been a welcome change if only the thoughts weren’t so depressing and worrying. 

If Yeosang really had feelings for Seonghwa like San’s intuition was telling him... San desperately wanted to ask about it from Yeosang, but he knew it was better to just ignore it and pretend like nothing was wrong. If he did take this up with Yeosang, and he had been wrong, there could be dire consequences to San. The biggest, losing Yeosang’s friendship. 

Yes, it really was the best to forget all this. 

_I am wrong anyways,_ San thought to himself as he walked into a makeup store, _why would someone so amazing and energetic like Yeosang like Seonghwa of all people?_

* * *

  
  


The second fashion show of the week was in the same shopping mall. San felt bad for the normal shoppers, having to miss out on two prime shopping days. 

The theme of the fashion show was more chic this time. And more dark. That meant a much happier Yeosang. San breathed a sigh of relief - Yeosang was back to normal! Even the more boring makeup looks weren’t enough to dampen San’s mood, as he and Yeosang chattered away the whole show. 

After the show the two of them went sightseeing once again. It was truly like back to normalcy for San. He showed Yeosang the old shopping mall he had visited with Seonghwa, just mentioning he had found it yesterday by himself. Yeosang loved the place and he was way more receptive of San’s little factoids than Seonghwa had been. He even spinned on his heels on the bull testicles. San truly hoped it did grant Yeosang luck as he deserved all of it!

“I don’t know which one I like more, Paris or Milan,” Yeosang wondered as he sat down to a bench in the clearing where the mall resided. All around them were old, classy buildings. 

“Somehow I can feel the history more here,” San said. He sat next to Yeosang, their legs almost touching. He took a sip from his water bottle, enjoying the cold water in the heat of the day. 

Yeosang took the bottle from him and drank as well. _Indirect kiss!_ San almost yelled out. He and Wooyoung always did it at the same time after they drank from the same bottle. Thankfully he was able to stop himself, not sure if Yeosang would appreciate it.

“Do you like history, San?” Yeosang asked him suddenly.

The question shocked San. “Not really. I mean I don’t have that much interest in it.”

Yeosang hummed. “You just seem to know a lot about the place.”

“Oh, uh, I just read some things from the internet. It was boring to just walk in it alone. I like trivia. About anything really.”

“That makes sense,” Yeosang laughed. He ruffled San’s hair softly. Even if they were the same age, Yeosang felt like a big brother to San. “You don’t really look like a history goon.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” San pouted. 

“It was! I think,” Yeosang grinned teasingly. “Anyways, speaking of yesterday. You didn’t take that polaroid then right?”

This again! San groaned loudly, making Yeosang burst out in laughter. 

“Do you ever think of anything else?!” San questioned in exasperation. 

“Of course! Like food. And alcohol!” Yeosang’s stomach rumbled in perfect timing. “Let’s go eat. We could invite others?”

“I think I’d prefer to just go with you,” San said earnestly. It didn’t feel as embarrassing to say out loud as he had thought. He simply wanted to spend more time with Yeosang. The two days with sad Yeosang had made him appreciate what he had taken for granted before - how easy and comfortable he felt hanging out with Yeosang.

The smile on Yeosang’s face when he heard San’s words was warm and happy. San smiled as well and led them to a small, homey Italian restaurant he had found yesterday.

* * *

A free day so fast after the other felt weird. San still had more than enough energy left to work for several days more, but sadly he had to channel all that energy to going sightseeing with Seonghwa. Thankfully those days needed a lot of energy in the mental department as dealing with Seonghwa was very taxing. 

It was easy for San to slip into Seonghwa’s room unnoticed. He was becoming a pro at this. It was unsettling, the thought of having gotten used to this. 

Seonghwa, just as always, had just opened the door for San and had walked straight back into the room. He was standing in front of the mirror once again, a deja vu to San. Not waiting for Seonghwa to say anything, San made his way to the sofa. 

It was raining outside. The droplets hit the windows behind wall length curtains, filling the otherwise silent room with soothing white noise. San was in no hurry to go outside. It was warm in the room. He let himself melt into the not-so-soft couch, crossing his hands behind his head. He wondered if Seonghwa would be willing to skip the sightseeing, but seeing as he was already fully geared in the usual disguise clothes, the hope was futile. 

“Aren’t you going to work?” Seonghwa asked at one point. He had stood in front of the mirror for a while, readjusting his jacket and hair over and over again. 

“Aren’t you going to leave the mirror?” San threw a question back, his tone a bit more biting than he intended it to be. “You are so vain.”

Seonghwa graced that with no answer. But he did go sit in front of the table. The glance he threw at San was telling enough: get to work.

It was actually rather nice to work in the silence, with the pitter-patter of rain mixing in with the soft brushes of San’s makeup tools on Seonghwa’s smooth skin. A small smile rose to San face unwittingly. He was able to relax, focusing only on the repeated strokes of his brushes. He finished the disguise in record timing.

As the two of them started to get ready to leave the hotel room, San abruptly froze on his spot behind Seonghwa. They had forgotten the most important thing!

“Do you have umbrellas for us?” San asked Seonghwa.

Seonghwa stopped as well. He turned to San, looking surprised. “I don’t. Do we need them?”

“Of course! It’s raining!” (“I know that,” Seonghwa mumbled.) “To at least make sure your disguise doesn’t melt.”

  
“Oh.”

“Yeah. I don’t think me and Yeosang have any either. And you didn’t want me to go to our room last time, so I can’t even check that.” San leveled Seonghwa with a judging stare he ignored. “Do you think they have any we could borrow at the reception?”

“How would I know?” Seonghwa answered, amazingly helpful as always. 

San groaned. “Whatever. I’m going to check,” he decided. He pushed past Seonghwa who was starting to object. San fully ignored him, opening the door. He quickly slinked into the once again empty hallway (Seonghwa was telling him to not be seen by anyone, which made San roll his eyes because he wasn’t an idiot and he was tired of Seonghwa repeating that same thing over and over again).

San wondered, as he walked briskly but as unsuspiciously as possible through the corridor, if the hotel even had other guests or if KQ actually bought whole floors for Seonghwa. He didn’t see anyone and even the elevators were empty when he reached them. 

The main lobby at least was somewhat filled with other people. No one from their staff was on sight thankfully. San was able to walk freely. Even if someone had seen him and asked about his intentions, he could just tell them he was getting umbrellas for himself and Yeosang. Except of course if it was Yeosang doing the asking. But Yeosang would never be up this “early” on a free day.

There was no line to the reception. San walked up to it and was greeted in Italian. His brain immediately emptied of everything he had been about to say. Somehow he had thought he could do this is Korean. Was he now expected to answer in Italian? 

Thankfully, the receptionist (a youngish Italian man with a very neatly trimmed brown beard and short hair) realized his own mistake and repeated himself in English this time:

“ _Good afternoon! How may I help you?_ ”

San’s whole body relaxed. He wasn’t bad at English. He could do this. “ _Hello. I need two umbrellas._ No, I mean.. _Do you have two umbrellas?”_ He tried to sound polite.

His words had apparently been understandable, as the receptionist smiled and nodded, telling San to wait a moment. He retrieved two blue umbrellas from the back wall of the reception area. 

“ _Here you go, sir. Would you be in need of anything else?_ ” he asked as he handed the umbrellas to San.

“ _No thank you,”_ San answered. The umbrellas felt sturdy and expensive. Good.

“ _Perfect. When you return from the outside, you can put the used umbrellas to the umbrella rack right next to the main entrance.”_

“ _Yes, okay. Thank you very much,”_ San quickly said. He hoped he had understood everything the receptionist had said. He felt too shy to ask him to repeat himself.

San returned to Seonghwa’s suite without a problem. Still no one to see on his floor. Seonghwa opened the door immediately after San had only knocked once. He must have not moved an inch.

“I got the umbrellas. We can go now,” San informed Seonghwa.

There was no other answer than a small nod. No ‘thank you’s. But what could you expect from Seonghwa? Nothing, San knew that, but it didn’t mean he would ever stop to expect more. 

As soon as Seonghwa and San stepped outside, they opened their umbrellas. Seonghwa struggled with his for a while and San stood there rolling his eyes at him. No way he would help him. He didn’t deserve any kindness he didn’t show to others. Finally he figured out how umbrellas’ very complicated mechanisms worked and they could leave.

Seonghwa could apparently feel San’s judgyness, as he commented that these umbrellas were different from the ones he had used previously. San scoffed. Yea right. 

“I don’t think you have ever opened an umbrella yourself.”

“I haven’t needed to,” Seonghwa retorted. His tone was strained and face colder than usual. San decided dropping this subject would be the best for both of them.

  
“I was thinking we should spend today just inside. So I found this museum we could go to,” he mentioned.

“Mhm,” Seonghwa answered grumpily, his face strained straight forward. The wet streets were pretty empty, so San felt comfortable enough to walk while looking at Seonghwa. It was curious to see his features sharpening even behind the heavy disguise makeup due to his continually darkening expression. 

“You seem super excited about it,” San retorted sarcastically. 

“I’m not. I don’t want to go.”

“What!?” It came as a surprise to San. “Why not?!”

“We already visited that huge museum in Paris. How different can this be?” Seonghwa complained. “It’s just pictures. What’s the point?”

San was completely flabbergasted by now. It felt like Seonghwa was throwing a tantrum. His voice was ice cold, his speech clipped and annoyed. It was so weird after Seonghwa being pretty interested in all of the other places they had visited.

“But you enjoyed the visit to Louvre!” San almost yelled out loud. It made Seonghwa visibly flinch, whether from San’s words or the loudness, San couldn’t know for sure.

“I was just childish and stupid then,” Seonghwa only said. 

It was all starting to truly make San angry. He personally had been looking forward to the museum visit. It didn’t have Mona Lisa of course, but it still housed a lot of famous old paintings. He had so much trivia prepared! But now Seonghwa’s attitude was starting to make him not want to go anywhere.

“What’s up with you?” he exclaimed. He had stopped in the middle of the street, his right hand holding the umbrella so tight his fingertips were white. 

When Seonghwa noticed San had stopped, he also stopped a few steps away and turned to look at San. San couldn’t read his eyes, but he knew what Seonghwa was seeing in his: anger. Directed straight at the model. But Seonghwa didn’t show any signs of it affecting him. His voice was just as steady and chilling as before:

“What is up with _you?”_

What a sophisticated answer! San barked out an angry laugh. “You are acting all pissy today! And back at the plane as well! It’s getting on my nerves. You should have told me you didn’t want to go at the hotel so I wouldn’t have needed to get my only shoes wet.”

This time he received no answer. Seonghwa just stared at him for a while longer, until some passersby started to pay them attention. Then he walked briskly past San, back to the way they had come from. 

San scoffed. Guess that was their day concluded. What a pleasant trip! He turned on his heels and started his march back to the hotel as well. Anger was making his blood boil. He needed to work out. Hopefully this time he wouldn’t bump into Seonghwa at the gym. Right now, in fact, San didn’t want to see Seonghwa ever again.

The gym wasn’t as huge and lavish as in Paris, but it was still better than any San had been in before. It was moderately filled with other people, so he didn’t have much freedom to choose his equipment. But anything was good for him right now. Anything that would allow him to push himself to the limit, so he could think of nothing but the burn in his muscles.

As he hopped from machine to machine, sweat dripping from his skin, he overheard some people mentioning (in English) that the hotel had a pretty amazing pool and spa. The rain never ceased, as evident from the gym windows, so San thought it would be a good idea to visit them with Yeosang. He was starting to feel a bit better, and a trip to the pool would strip him of the last of his energy.

He just hoped Yeosang would still be at the hotel room once he got there.

After one more lap through all the machines, San returned to their room. Sadly Yeosang wasn’t there. Pouting, San texted him asking where he was going, before he hopped into a nice, long shower (it was a blessing this hotel room actually had a shower instead of just a bathtub). 

The shower couldn’t be too long. Or too warm and nice. San knew if he relaxed too much, he’d start thinking of the earlier again. Like he was right now. He turned the water even colder - colder, colder yet, until it was so cold he couldn’t stay in it any longer without actually freezing his toes. 

He stepped out of the shower, grabbed his fluffy white towel and after drying himself he walked back into the room, almost colliding with Yeosang who had just entered the room from the hallway.

“Oh, hi! Sorry!” San yelped. He pulled the towel tighter around his waist. Awkward.

Thankfully Yesang didn’t seem to notice the pretty much naked state San was in. He just grinned at him when he walked into the room to throw himself onto his unmade bed. 

“Where were you when I woke up?” Yeosang asked. 

“Just at the gym. Where were you?” 

“At breakfast. You would know if you ever stayed at the hotel on free days,” Yeosang sniffed. He didn’t look truly angry about it though. “I was actually super surprised to get your message, asking me where I was. I thought I would have to be alone this day as well. And then I saw you here! It’s an actual miracle!”

“I’m really sorry I always ditch you like that,” San said, genuinely sorry. “I just want to use the day to its fullest.”

“And sleeping until noon doesn’t allow that, I get you,” Yeosang laughed. “Although I feel you are keeping something from me. You could really be doing something totally shady or something.”

San gulped. He tried his best not to look too suspicious. 

“If you are looking for a chance to take a picture without me, I will never forgive you!” The laughter of Yeosang was pure and kind, and San internally sighed from relief. “But really, I won’t bug you about it too much. You deserve your privacy, of course.”

“Thank you, Yeosang,” San beamed. “But today I don’t want to go outside.”

“Oh yeah, it’s raining pretty badly. Did you have something in mind then?”

“Yep! I heard this hotel has an amazing pool, you want to check that out?” San asked while looking for new clothes to wear (it was quite shocking how fast he had forgotten he was actually half naked). And his swimming trunks. Thank Wooyoung for forcing him to bring them, because San himself would have never thought he’d need them.

“I heard so as well! Mingi and Yunho have already tested it and they only had praises for it!” Yeosang practically bounced on his bed. His excitement was palpable. 

“Awesome! Let’s go then!” San grinned. 

Yeosang whooped and jumped up from the bed, going to look for his own swimwear.

* * *

Mingi and Yunho’s praises had not been misplaced. The pool was gorgeous, looking exactly like an indoor pool in a royal palace would look like. The clear blue water of the undisturbed pool reflected beautifully on the ceiling. On one side of the pool lay many sun loungers. 

As San and Yeosang walked towards the pool, they could see no one else there. It was eerily empty and silent. 

  
“Don’t you think that’s a bit weird?” San asked when Yeosang mentioned it to him. Yeosang shrugged, but looked slightly hesitant to go further into the pool room. They had just left the also completely empty locker room and were now standing on the entrance with only swim shorts on and towels in hand.

Suddenly, behind them, came two sets of hurried footsteps. Yeosang and San turned around at the same time and came face to face with Mingi and Yunho, of all people. They both looked abnormally nervous.

“Hey guys, did you also come to swim for a bit?” Yeosang asked them. His tone was friendly but cautious. It was unusual to see the two of them in such a skittish state.

“No! _We_ did not,” Yunho started, but stopped short. He glanced at Mingi, who just shook his head. With a sigh, Yunho continued: “And you shouldn’t either, because..”

“What did you stop for?” came a voice behind the bodyguard duo. 

San bristled. He would know that voice anywhere. 

“Ah, Mr. Park! Just give us a moment,” Mingi nervously pleaded. “You can swim soon, just wait a bit..!”

But Mr. Park Seonghwa did not give him a moment or wait, walking to San and Yeosang’s sight. No wonder the pool had been empty. The thought of certain model swimming among normal hotel guests almost made San laugh. When Seonghwa saw them, his mouth twitched.

“Ah, I see.” 

San couldn't find it in himself to retort anything back to him. Because Seonghwa was also only wearing shorts. Shorts that hung very low on his toned hips. And he had abs. Rock hard abs, that almost glistened in the bright light of the pool. San couldn’t think straight. 

“I don’t feel like swimming anymore,” Seonghwa’s voice barely registered to San, who could not stop staring. He could not even hope no one noticed it, because his brain was only screaming _Seonghwa, Seonghwa, Seonghwa_ and _hot, hot, hot._

“Ah, yes, sir! We will escort you back to the locker room and to your suite,” Yunho politely said, bowing to Seonghwa and then throwing San and Yeosang a somewhat apologetic look. The trio quickly vanished towards the locker room.

“Well, that just happened,” Yeosang said. His voice sounded rough, but San wasn’t one to judge, since he probably couldn’t even form one word. 

Yeosang noticed San’s distress and chuckled at him. His friendly slap to San’s shoulder was what finally broke the spell. 

“I am jealous as well,” Yeosang giggled, “I feel like I can never get any muscles to form.” He then gave San’s body a lookover as well, and whistled. “But you actually are not that bad either. So don’t feel so bad!”

The relief San felt from Yeosang’s complete misunderstanding of his peril was massive, outweighing the embarrassment of having been caught so affected by Seonghwa.

“It’s really unfair,” San mumbled. “I really need to swim now.” He needed to reset his mind again. The shock from seeing Seonghwa’s bare form so suddenly had overwritten the arousal, but now that he was able to freely think about it, his cock was stirring. And the kind of tight swimming trunks would do nothing to hide an erection. 

San pulled Yeosang towards the pool. Before Yeosang could stop him, San jumped into it, dragging Yeosang with him. Too bad the water was lukewarm, so the shock wasn’t quite as big as hoped, but Yeosang immediately started splashing San with the water as a revenge. It was hard to think about Seonghwa’s chocolate abs when coughing his lungs off from the water getting to his mouth and nose. Perfect!

They swam and played for almost two full hours. No one joined them during the time, so in a way Seonghwa had done them a favour. San would never thank him for it though. They only stopped swimming because San was really starting to be out of energy. Nearly 4 straight hours of working out could take a toll on everyone, San being no exception - no matter how much he wished he was.

All of the staff were going to eat at the hotel restaurant when San and Yeosang walked out of the locker room, fully clothed and showered now. Sora asked them to join, and neither wanted to decline the request, even if Yeosang had just eaten breakfast and San desperately needed a nap. 

As they all sat around a huge round table, San tried his hardest to be part of all the conversations. Everything to keep his easily straying thoughts away from Seonghwa and his well-defined hips that San would really love to hold when they - Yeah, more talking. More food. More wine. It was a shame everyone else only ordered one or two glasses, so San felt too self conscious to order more to try to get drunk.

The dinner stretched to almost two hours with a full course meal and desserts and all the talking. When everyone started to get up to go to do whatever it was they would do - Yeosang wanted to go play cards with YunGi and Sora was going to try to coerce Ilyong-director into watching a scary movie - San decided he needed his sleep. Right now. No one stopped him, not even Yeosang asked him to join them, because he truly looked exhausted with his massive black circles and droopy eyelids.

The elevator ride to the room felt like it took ages to San, and when he finally, _finally,_ opened the door and ran towards his bed, he was sure he’d fall asleep immediately. He didn’t. 

It did feel blessedly amazing to crawl under the covers and lay his head down onto the firm but comfortable pillow, but he was not granted the salvation of sleep. Instead, his mind felt free to return to Seonghwa. San wasn’t sure how long he stayed up, fantasizing about getting to touch Seonghwa’s smooth skin everywhere, but at some point he finally fell asleep with the images of a thick dick between his lips being the last thing he remembered. 

* * *

Next day (after a good, long wank in the shower after waking up with a raging morning wood), just before the staff would leave to film Seonghwa’s variety show, Sora pulled San aside in the hotel lobby.

“What’s up?” San questioned. Sora wasn’t looking angry or anything, so it couldn’t be too bad, yet San’s heart was thrumming uncomfortably fast in his chest. Several bad possibilities ran through his mind.

But Sora just smiled at him softly. She always seemed to notice when San was feeling uncomfortable, and tried to ease his worries. San would forever be grateful about that.

“Just wanted to ask you how you’ve liked the job so far?” Sora inquired. “We haven’t had time to chat much lately.”

“That’s true.. But you don’t need to worry about me! I’ve really enjoyed it. I love being able to do what I love and am good at as my job. And my coworkers are amazing as well!” the fact that San felt comfortable to wink at his senior, told enough, “I have nothing to complain about.”

Sora beamed at San. She truly looked happy for him. “I’m so, so glad to hear that. And I really like you as well, San.” She winked at San who laughed happily. But then she became more serious. “I got a message from our boss this morning.” 

Uh oh. Hearing that made San almost run away. His fear must have shown from his face as Sora quickly reassured him it wasn’t anything bad.

“In fact, he wanted me to tell you that you have done an amazing job, and he is very proud of you.”

“Wow,” San breathed out, completely taken aback. It was definitely not what he had expected.

“I know! Surprising. But he must have noticed the comments as well, and wanted you to know that they mean nothing. We all know you are amazing, and that’s all that matters, not some random strangers’ hate.”

“Um.” 

“So, I hope you don’t beat yourself up over that. And you know that you can always talk to me, right, San?” Sora looked so kind and worried that San could only nod even if he had no idea what comments or hate Sora was talking about. “Good! Now let’s get going! Nothing takes one’s mind off of bad things than good ol’ work.”

Sora patted San’s shoulder and then left him to just stand there stupefied. He had absolutely no clue as to what Sora was just talking about. But she had seemed so genuine in her words that San hadn’t wanted to interrupt her. 

“C’mon San, you coming?” she shouted at him, having already reached the others.

San shook his head trying to clear it. “Y-yeah, coming!” He ran to the others and everyone hopped into the minibus. San sat next to Yeosang and leaned closer to him to whisper: “Do you know what kind of comments Sora was talking to me about?”

Shock, and to San’s annoyance, pity were visible on Yeosang’s face. “You don’t know?”

“No.”

“There were some hate comments on Seonghwa’s Insta posts of the fashion show on the weekend, especially of Saturday’s show” Yeosang explained.

“..What does that have to do with me?” San asked, even though he already had some idea.

“They were about the makeup,” Yeosang whispered. “That all the cutey colours and glitter and stuff really didn’t fit him. But it was also about the clothes too, so you shouldn’t feel too bad. The fans just like darker stuff on Seonghwa.”

“Ah.” It was starting to get hard for San to talk. 

“Also, San, I feel bad for being such an ass then. I’m sorry, your makeup then was really good. I was just being stupid. And you really shouldn’t care about the antis!”

“Don’t worry about it,” was all San could mumble. He fished out his phone, signaling to Yeosang the conversation was over. Yeosang sighed, but mercifully left San alone with his feelings.

He knew he shouldn’t do it, but San couldn’t stop himself from looking up Seonghwa’s official Instagram profile. There were a lot of posts about the fashion shows, but San tapped open one that was a close up of one of the butterfly-themed makeups he had done for Seonghwa on Saturday’s show. A one he had been very proud of. 

And lo-and-behold, the comments under the picture were brutal. 

> _‘Who thought Hwa-oppa needed butterfly wing makeup? It looks disgusting. Please take more care of his godly looks!’_
> 
> _‘Fire the makeup artist, please. She is doing god awful job. Even I could do better. She has two left hands.’_
> 
> _‘Fucking shit who did Hwa-Hwa’s makeup on this?? You know he looks best in dark colours I cant believe theyd let something like this pass.’_
> 
> _‘Eww this is so gay. Seonghwa deserves better.’_
> 
> _‘Seonghwa is the representative of South Korea and this is how they want him to look like? Do they have no brains?? Get a new makeup artist. Fuck.’_

There were several even worse comments. A lot of them wished him death, some even cursing his family. San’s heart felt like it was burned and crushed at the same time. But he couldn’t stop reading. Comment after comment, San descended further into the darkness of hate. There was no light, no good comments. Curse after curse flew across the phone screen. 

> _‘Gay.’ ‘Disgusting.’ ‘Ugly.’ ‘Untalented.’ ‘Trash.’_

So many comments like that, most in Korean, some in English, some in other languages San couldn’t read but was sure were hating on him as well. Even if they thought he was a girl, even if they didn’t even know his name or anything about him, they were all hating him. 

He felt dead inside. He couldn’t even cry. Never had he read hate about himself before. All his classmates had been so encouraging and kind towards him, and Wooyoung always loved his works. Had they all been lying? 

San was pulled from his thoughts by Yeosang’s soft hand on his shoulders.

“We are here, time to work,” he said gently. San could only nod and follow him. 

He had no idea how he could work like this. His limbs felt heavy and his gaze was blurry, even if his eyes were dry. He was too shocked to cry. It was hard to breathe, he had to focus on taking one breath, two breaths, three breaths.. 

> _‘Horrible.’ ‘Unnatural.’ ‘Fire him.’_

With the words ringing around his head, never leaving him alone, San tried his hardest to work like normal. His hand was shaking, making it hard to draw a straight line. And he had to draw a perfect straight line. He had to make everything perfect. They would tear him apart for any mistake, any blemish he would draw on Seonghwa’s beautiful face.

“Hey, I’m, um, about yesterday,” Seonghwa’s silent voice came from behind a fog, San could barely register being spoken to. “I was just down because of the rain, so I was… maybe I was a bit rude.”

San couldn’t even get annoyed at him for the ‘maybe’. He had been rude, so rude, and he couldn’t even acknowledge it properly. Like idol, like fans. Okay, maybe he could get a bit annoyed at Seonghwa. The hate comments were a little less silent in his head.

“We can go to the museum on next free day,” Seonghwa said.

“Okay,” San answered. It was surprising how stable his voice sounded. But as soon as the usual silence fell between them, his thoughts returned to the comments. He looked at Seonghwa’s face and the half-done makeup. At least it was dark, like the fans wanted. But had he done the eyes wrong? Was the foundation too thin? No, it was too thick. San hated this. He hated questioning something that had always used to come to him automatically.

Drowning in his insecurities, San failed to notice Seonghwa’s eyes never leaving him. Or the tiny scrunch of his eyebrows as he took in San’s disheveled and depressed look. San did notice when he opened his mouth, then closed it after a few seconds of not saying anything, then opened it again, then closed it. Then he licked his lips and San’s traitorous eyes followed the movement keenly.

Finally, Seonghwa spoke.

“Are…” he looked like he was truly fighting himself whether to say or not to say his following words. “Are you okay?”

The painful look on his face made San chortle humourlessly. It must be so hard for him to show even the tiniest amount of kindness towards others. But it was a distraction that surprisingly worked. Most of San’s thoughts were on Seonghwa now: even if it was a small spark of sympathy, it was the first of its kind from Seonghwa, and it did things to San’s hurting heart. 

“I’m not,” he whispered. He didn’t want anyone else to hear their conversation. He selfishly wanted all of Seonghwa’s kindness to be only heard by him. “But don’t worry about it.”

Seonghwa looked at him intently. San still couldn’t read his mind, he probably never would. He could never know if Seonghwa really worried about it, if he even was capable of such feelings. But at that point even the slightest possibility he was worrying for him was heartwarming. 

“Well, then,” Seonghwa mumbled awkwardly, “feel better soon.”

Even if it sounded like an order, it made San feel better instantly. It was weird, but San didn’t want to question it. Instead he smiled (it was still a little sad, but he was trying).

“I will.”

For the rest of the day, even if Seonghwa did not say another word to him, the hate and the self-doubts never returned to San’s mind. Instead, all his thoughts were about Seonghwa, and this time he was not trying to stop them and shoo them away. 

* * *

For the next few days, San was able to ignore all the hate. He didn’t read any more Insta posts or any other social media posts, and no one mentioned about any new hate to him either. Even if his dreams were not pleasant and his insecurities were at all time high, during the days he was able to distract himself, either with work or with Seonghwa. 

Seonghwa had not said anything new to him, but somehow just being near him was enough for San to forget the hate. Maybe because then his own hate could focus on Seonghwa? San didn’t truly hate Seonghwa anymore, but he still did not like him, so it was the only reason San could think of. 

And of course, Seonghwa was still extremely handsome and affected San’s body easily. A small stretch of neck from Seonghwa was enough to short-circuit San’s brain for minutes.

On Friday, the filming for the variety show differed from the usual routine of inside talk-show. This time, they would go on a Milan Fashion Tour around the city. San was excited, Yeosang and Sora were excited, and San could bet even Seonghwa was even if his expressionless face didn’t show anything.

The weather outside was perfect for the tour, not too hot or too cold and most importantly: not raining. They did travel around in the minibus following Seonghwa and the tour guide’s car, but they did have to film a bit outside as well. They visited all kinds of modern and classic places, meeting famous designers and not so known ones, and talked about all kinds of fashion related topics that went over San’s head completely.

But what San did understand, was the words of the last place’s fashion designer’s:

“Now Mr. Park, let’s see you model some of our brand new, just finished clothes!”

San’s eyes widened. Seonghwa nodded to the designer and they went to a separate room to get ready. San turned to Yeosang.

“Did I hear him correctly? Will we see Seonghwa model? Catwalk?” San could not hide the excitement in his voice. 

Yeosang sounded and looked just as excited. “Yes! This is such a rare treat!” 

San almost squealed. He had been dying to see Seonghwa actually work. He wanted to see if he was as good as his popularity would suggest. Or if everyone was only there for his looks. Cause that would not surprise San in the least.

It didn’t take the designer long to return to the bigger room where they were filming. He talked for a while with the cameras, but San ignored him, burning to see Seonghwa already. There was a long empty stretch ready just for him to walk down. The filming crew had already positioned themselves around it, and San tried to find a good, inconspicuous spot to have the best view at.

Suddenly the door to the other room opened again and one camera man came through it first. Then finally Seonghwa appeared, and San felt like his heart was exploding.

Seonghwa was shining. It wasn’t the lights nor was it the clothes, because Seonghwa was making the normally boring looking clothes shine. It was his face. Even if he still had on the same stone-faced emotionless expression, it was different this time. Focused. Professional. The whole room silenced and everyone’s focus was instantly on Seonghwa as he walked across the floor. Even if the only audience was the filming crew and few workers of the design studio, Seonghwa took this seriously - even San could tell that.

Even the lights felt like they were only focused on Seonghwa. Or maybe that was just because for San the whole world suddenly disappeared around him and he could only see Seonghwa. Even the bitchface he normally hated, felt perfect on Seonghwa now. His steps were powerful and when he stopped to pose near the cameras San was standing behind, San’s heart almost stopped. 

San wished the moment would never end. He was not thinking of hate comments, or antis, or how he actually did not like Seonghwa. His mind was blissfully empty and later he would be terribly missing that. 

But Seonghwa turned around way too soon, and even if looking at his backside was amazing, San wished he could have continued to stare at his powerful, focused eyes a bit longer. They had been doing weird - pleasant albeit burning - things to his gut.

“..s amazing!” Yeosang’s voice sounded like it was coming from behind a fog. The fog was preventing San from seeing or feeling anything but Seonghwa. Even when Seonghwa had already retreated back to the other room, it took a few long minutes to dissipate. 

“That was… amazing,” San breathed out awed.

Yeosang laughed and slapped San’s back friendly. “Exactly my words.” 

San turned to Yeosang, ready to gush about the show they had just seen, but Sora’s voice stopped them, telling them kindly but firmly to get back to work. Well, guess they could always continue this at the hotel.

And continue it they did. Until the very small hours of the night, making the next morning hell and the work for the fashion show a drag. At least for San, Yeosang could easily get away with napping at various empty spots. San had never been more jealous of him.

The only saving grace of the day was surprisingly Seonghwa. 

“Hello,” he said when San first came to do his makeup, almost shocking San enough to drop the makeup bag in his hand.

“Hi,” San mumbled back. Yesterday flashed back on San’s mind, and he felt the now all too familiar tug in his groin. 

“How are you today?” Seonghwa asked. 

San felt like dying. Or had he died already? What was going on with Seonghwa?

“Tired,” San answered truthfully. He tried to smile to show it wasn’t too bad, but maybe it came off as more of a grimace because Seonghwa actually frowned. _Frowned._ Like he didn’t like the answer, like he was _worried_ over San. Was San reading too much into this?

“Didn’t you sleep enough?” 

When San shook his head, Seonghwa scoffed. “Sleep is important.”

_Yeah, no shit, Sherlock._ But Seonghwa was talking to him, being worried? maybe? over him, so there was no real bite or anger in his mind. He really didn’t want to fight Seonghwa right now, so he changed the subject swiftly. 

  
“I saw you model yesterday,” San started. _Stupid, of course you saw that, everyone saw it. Get it together, San!_ “You were really.. Good.” Understatement. But would Seonghwa like it if he gushed over him too much? 

It seemed _good_ was good enough for Seonghwa. His eyes widened marginally and his face brightened. He even almost smiled (San saw a corner of his mouth twitch slightly). 

“Thank you.”

* * *

On Sunday, Seonghwa surprised San with a ‘hello’ again. 

“Hi,” San answered again. It was almost becoming a habit to them, but San knew better than to get used to it. Two times did not make a pattern with Seonghwa, he had learned it that Monday. 

“I checked the forecast for tomorrow. It says the weather will be good,” Seonghwa said. 

Seonghwa had probably never looked at a weather forecast himself. San was proud of him having learned to do that. And not even sarcastically.

“So, does that mean we will go out.. We will go sightseeing again?” 

“If y.. I do want to. So we will.”

San smiled. It seemed they were both slipping in their words today. Adorable. 

“Awesome. I’m looking forward to it,” San said happily. 

“Me as well,” Seonghwa admitted and San’s smile widened. 

Hopefully no one was looking at them. Not only because San didn’t want anyone see him act friendly towards Seonghwa, but because it felt like a moment that should only belong to them.

“But… would going to the museum really be okay now? Or do you want me to look at something else?” San asked. A repeat of Monday was not on his wishlist.

“Museum is okay,” Seonghwa answered. 

San nodded. It was a dat-- a plan. He was _not_ going on a date with Seonghwa. Ever.

* * *

The museum not-date ended up being amazing. Even better than Louvre. Seonghwa seemed more open and talked more and San could barely believe it was true. He even commented on his small trivia at times. 

After spending hours in the museum, the two of them decided to end the day by going to eat together. This time San made sure he would not stare too much at Seonghwa. The restaurant was pleasant and almost full of people and the atmosphere was cheerful. San didn’t want to ruin it.

“Today was fun,” San started the conversation once they had ordered. 

Seonghwa nodded at him. “It was enjoyable to me as well.”

“I’m glad,” San smiled softly. Seonghwa flashed him a small but genuine looking smile, making San’s breath catch in his throat. 

A comfortable silence fell upon them. They both were looking around the restaurant. San was committing it to his memory (the interior was bright and beautiful and the people were interesting as well). He wondered if Seonghwa was doing the same.

The food arrived soon, just in time to save the silence from turning awkward. San had ordered Pasta Carbonara and it looked delicious. His stomach grumbled and he quickly dug in. Seonghwa had ordered some type of pasta dish as well. It looked amazing as well. If it had been Wooyoung, or even Yeosang, San would have asked for a bite, but with Seonghwa he did not dare. 

They finished their food silently and then ordered desserts. 

This time it was Seonghwa to break the silence: “What made you so.. sad on tuesday?”

San had not expected him to ask that at all. It took him quite a while to be able to form words thanks to the shock, all the while Seonghwa looked at him weirdly. 

“It was not you, if you are worried about that” was the first thing San could say.

Seonghwa looked taken aback by the words. He took a long time to answer, a thoughtful expression settling on his face. “I am not worried about that.” 

New silence followed. San dared not to speak. 

Finally Seonghwa spoke again: “I was.. No, I am, worried about you.” 

A shock after a shock was not good for San’s heart. 

So he had indeed been correct about Seonghwa being worried over him. He was capable of that then, after all. San did not want to ponder over the implications of that right now. Right now, he would just focus on the tingling feeling Seonghwa’s worry brought his whole body.

“I..” San started but was interrupted by Seonghwa:

“I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, it’s okay!” San was quick to reassure Seonghwa. “Thank you for it. Truly. I appreciate the worry. But I am feeling better now, a lot better, in fact.” He almost added that it was thanks to Seonghwa. It was a relief his filter worked at least sometimes.

“That’s.. A relief to hear,” Seonghwa mumbled. He looked rather embarrassed, although San wasn’t sure if he was reading his expression correctly. 

His mental word-filter had saved him once, but it didn’t the second time. “I’m actually surprised you can even feel something that’s not anger.” 

Seonghwa blinked. San cursed at himself in his mind. 

“Sorry, that was rude,” he muttered. He actually felt bad. Even if it was true, it was rude to say it out aloud, especially after Seonghwa had been so kind.

Seonghwa didn’t say anything for a long time. And then the dessert came, and it seemed better to just drop the subject completely. No other words were said until they left the hotel and decided to head straight back to the hotel. Seonghwa walked a few steps in front of San, and San could not be feeling worse. He regretted his words terribly. Of course he would ruin the perfectly good outing.

San sighed. He stopped dead in his tracks, letting Seonghwa continue on alone. He never turned back to look at him, and San knew he had hurt him. Or at least made him angry. 

It seemed San and Seonghwa would never be able to get along. 

It was for the best. 

So why was San feeling so heartbroken?

* * *

San hesitated behind the door. His hand was already raised, so used to knocking the door of the suite. But yesterday had ended so atrociously, maybe Seonghwa did not want to see him again?

But San had to try. And at the very least, try to apologize for his words again. So, he knocked.

To his surprise, the door opened just as fast as it always did. San’s feet automatically walked him inside. He pushed the door closed and then leaned against it. He looked at Seonghwa, retreated further into the suite again. Standing in front of the mirror again. Beneath his feet was a massive, messy pile of clothes. He was holding a grey jacket against his torso.

“What is going on here?” San asked cautiously. He felt too scared to open with the topic of yesterday.

“I asked Yeosang last week to get me proper clothes for disguise this time,” Seonghwa explained. He frowned at the image of the jacket in the mirror and threw it away. He picked up another jacket, a beige trench coat. “Obviously I didn’t tell him what they were for.”

“Of course. I think it’ll be too warm for that though,” San noted about the trench coat.

“Huh?”

“I mean, the weather forecast said it’d be over 20 degrees Celsius during the day.”

Apparently this time Seonghwa had not checked the forecast.

“Huh.” Seonghwa tossed the coat away. “So I would not need a jacket at all?” 

“Probably not. Although coats are an easy form of disguise of course, so it’s a shame.”

Seonghwa looked around the clothes pile thoughtfully. “How annoying.”

As Seonghwa went through the clothes, San situated himself on the huge beige leather coach. Seonghwa seemed the usual, like yesterday had not happened. Stone faced, non-emotional, unfeeling. San wasn’t sure whether to be happy about it or if Seonghwa was just good at pretending to be okay. 

Thinking if he should apologize now or later, San let his eyes wander around the room. He noticed curtains hiding a window. The sun created a nice shape on the thin fabric. They were on the 7th floor and San bet the view from up there was breathtaking. He turned back to Seonghwa.

“Can I open the curtains?” he asked.

Seonghwa tensed. “Why would you want to do that?” he sounded truly confused. 

“I want to see the view,” San simply explained.

“..Fine.” 

San stood up and walked to the windows. They were almost full wall length, with gorgeous white frames carved with intricate patterns. And the view… 

“You can see the church from here!” San shouted excitedly. “Where I was thinking of taking you today. It looks gorgeous!”

“I see,” Seonghwa mumbled his answer. 

“Don’t you want to look?”

San turned to glance at Seonghwa. The model looked at him, looking uncomfortable. San’s smile faded.

“What’s wrong?”

“We are too high up.”

“Ah.” Of course. San had forgotten Seonghwa’s fear of heights. He really was screwign up a lot lately. “I’m sorry.”

Seonghwa had already turned his back on San, ignoring his words completely. 

“Hey,” San tried again. He left the window after pulling the curtains over it again. “I really am sorry. For forgetting that you don’t like heights. And also for yesterday. I was an ass. I’m really, really so sorry.” 

He heard a sigh from Seonghwa.

“Don’t be. Just.. forget about it.” Seonghwa sighed again. When he turned to look at San again, his face was emotionless. “Please.” 

San flinched. Even if his voice had been cold, the simple ‘ _please’_ coming from Seonghwa’s lips made him feel ten times worse for his words. But Seonghwa clearly didn’t want to continue talking about this, and San definitely didn’t want to annoy him more, so he nodded.

“If that’s what you want.” 

“Yes. Now, start your work so I can see that church as well.”

“Of course,” San smiled. “You are gonna love it.” 

Having seen the church from afar, San already knew he loved it. He also had a feeling he wanted to take a picture of it, if not today then some other evening after work with Yeosang.

It didn’t take them long to get Seonghwa ready (normal disguise makeup and wearing a large, plain white t-shirt with wide-legged black jeans, topped off with large round glasses that made him look extra cute, and a cap to protect him from the sun) and walk to the clearing the church was in.

“This is the same church we saw when we visited that shopping mall,” Seonghwa noted.

San noted. “I wanted to save it for the last.”

Seonghwa looked at him questioningly. “Why?”

“It makes me appreciate this moment I’ve been waiting for even more,” San tried to explain. Seonghwa scoffed, but San could tell it wasn’t a bad scoff. 

“It really is.. magnificent,” Seonghwa said in awe. “Let’s go closer!”

San was happy to comply. It was good to see Seonghwa excited over sightseeing again.

The Milan Cathedral, (or Il Duomo, as the Italians called it), was massive, almost overwhelming up close. San and Seonghwa took a long time to just walk around it, taking in the extremely detailed carvings on the windows, towers and roof. All around the exterior were beautiful marble statues (there were over 2000 of them, knew San). It was by far the most gorgeous construction San had ever seen. 

“This can hold up to 40 000 people in it,” San told Seonghwa, “It’s the second largest church in Europe.”

“That’s not hard to believe,” Seonghwa nodded, awed. 

They had just arrived at the main doors again.

“Can we go inside?” Seonghwa asked. 

“Yeah, and for a small fee you can go to the roof - but I doubt that interests you.”

“..Of course not,” Seonghwa mumbled. Without any further words, he started leading them towards the door and then inside the church. 

  
San had to fight really hard not to let his jaw drop to the floor. If outside the cathedral had been amazing, inside it was just as breathtaking if not more. And just as massive. The main hall was huge, the sides decorated with paintings and behind the altar was an enormous stained-glass window. The sun shining through it made the place feel like an actual heaven.

“This could almost be enough to turn me into faith,” San breathed out. 

“You’re not Christian?” Seonghwa asked. He sounded somewhat judging, but San let him. He was used to it when people found out about his lack of faith.

“Nope, I am an atheist. Or agnostic. There might as well be a god, I don’t really think about it much, It’s not important to me,” San explained. 

“..I see,” Seongwha muttered, surprisingly the judgy tone had disappeared from his voice.

They continued their tour. The interior was dimly lit, so San decided it’d be better to take a picture outside - he had come to the conclusion that he absolutely had to take a picture of the cathedral right then. Even if he would still take Yeosang there as well later.

“These benches look very uncomfortable,” Seonghwa noted suddenly. 

San couldn’t help but laugh at that, and then Seonghwa was looking at him again with an indecipherable look in his eyes. 

“You are correct.” Compared to the rest of the gothic church, the benches looked completely ordinary. San had no idea why. “Even if I am not part of the religion, I went to a church for a while when I was younger. The benches there were really uncomfortable too. I wonder if it’s the same for every church.” 

“I see. That is my experience as well,” Seonghwa opened up.

San wasn’t sure but it felt like that was the first time Seonghwa had told him something personal about himself. It made San smile.

“Shall we go outside again? I want to take a polaroid of the exterior,” San asked.

Seonghwa nodded. Once they got outside, San left Seonghwa near the entrance to go further away from the church, trying to get the whole building on one picture. The task proved to be impossible, the size of the cathedral was just too big. San sighed. It was the first time he wished he would let himself take more pictures. But he wanted to keep his silly little promise to himself. He would just have to take a picture of the most beautiful detail then. Maybe one of the statues?

He walked closer to the church again, spotting Seonghwa. Or his back. He was looking at one of the statues near the middle door. He had taken off his cap, and the smallest breeze of the wind ruffled up his hair. The scene made something inside San soften. He lifted the polaroid camera, aiming it at Seonghwa and the statue. 

  
And clicked the shutter. 

He waited with bated breath as the camera printed the small polaroid. When it was ready, San took a look at it. Seonghwa had noticed him near him and was coming towards him. A blush rose to San’s face as he saw Seonghwa clearly in the picture, so recognizable, so clearly the focal point of the picture. He could never show this to the model! 

Stuffing the picture hastily into his makeup bag, San beamed innocently at Seonghwa who shot him a questioning look.

“Are you ready to go? I am famished! Should we go to the same restaurant as when we visited the shopping mall?” San asked cheerily. 

Seonghwa agreed to that and didn’t ask anything about the picture, thankfully. San breathed out in relief. But inside he burned with a need to stare at the picture some more. 

And that was exactly what San did once he got back to his hotel room.

In fact, that was exactly what he did for the rest of the stay at Milan. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, there you go! Hope you liked it. Sadly next chapter will also take probably the same amount of time, cus I want it to be super long. We will also be switching things up for it a bit, maybe checking some different views... so look forward to that ;)
> 
> All feedback is appreciated ^_^ I love you guys ♥ Thank you!


	7. Chapter 6 - Introduction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took ages! Hope you've had happy holidays and hope you enjoy this chapter ^^
> 
> (If you want, reading San's Paris chapters along this chapter is recommended, sorry lol)

**~ CHAPTER 6 - INTRODUCTION ~**

“We are going live in five!”

Seonghwa didn’t lift his head from his phone. Only five more minutes to watch the drama. It was just getting interesting. Annoyance pooled in his stomach. 

“Are you nervous, Mr. Park? Excited?” the female worker next to Seonghwa asked him, a wide smile on her round face. 

Seonghwa didn’t feel the need to spare her even a short glance. He had worked with her before (but still couldn’t remember her name, nor was he interested in remembering it). She should know better by now. Seonghwa rolled his eyes in his mind. Some people just never gave up. 

Just like his father had told him all those years ago..

_“Once you get bigger - and you will, my son - people will do everything to get close to you.”_

The drama Seonghwa was watching had just reached a climax when his manager told him to put down his phone. They were starting. Almost reluctantly, Seonghwa put his phone away and got to his spot at the table prepared for the show.

“3.. 2.. 1… and we are rolling!” 

Seonghwa schooled his face into the serious, but friendly expression he used when interacting with fans or press, or anyone really. He had practiced it for a long time, and was good at it. His fans loved it, and his father was proud of him. 

Seonghwa liked that it hid his thoughts. 

“Good afternoon,” Seonghwa started the Vlive. _30 minutes to go…_

He said everything he had memorized from a small sheet of paper KQ had prepared for him. 

“Ah, the cake is here,” he said, trying to sound shocked like the staff had instructed him. But not too excited, like they also had instructed him. 

The cake was small, covered in white frosting and only two candles were stuck to it - a 2 and a 6. Seonghwa’s mind darkened. The company had been mentioning trying to get more ‘mature’ modeling opportunities for him. And.. frankly, Seonghwa did not like the sound of that.

He didn’t let anything show on his face, though. _15 minutes to go..._

“Now let’s read some comments..” Seonghwa said. Still following the script. He was handed a phone. He made sure not to let the screen show to the camera. 

The fans probably thought he was watching the live show, but instead he was reading straight from the pre-written questions from the staff. He just had to make sure it looked like he was scrolling through a comment box, like he was actually choosing the questions himself.

The questions were the same they always were on his birthdays. What are his plans for the day after the live? Who was the first one to congratulate him? Could he say this and this to fans? What was the best present he got? The answers were pre-selected as well.

“And now last question.. Hmm, this seems good,” Seonghwa continued on, reading the last question in the note app. “‘Seonghwa-oppa! Happy birthday. Do you have any big plans for this year?’”

Seonghwa almost sighed aloud.

“Fun that you would ask that. I am actually leaving for a long abroad fashion show tour soon. Our first stop is in Paris. Ah, is it okay to tell them this?”

Seonghwa faked a look at the staff. They still nodded, as if any of his words were not pre-planned. _Stupid._

“Good. So, I’m really looking forward to that. And I will also be filming-” another faked glance, another nod, “a variety show in Europe. That’ll be definitely something that I’m sure you all will love. So look forward to that, please. And to all my fans in Europe, America, Asia.. I will be there soon. Hope to see you all then.”

_And.. 0!_ Finally, the show was finished. 

“You did well,” his manager, Jongho, said to him, patting his shoulder once. He wore a neutral expression, but his words had been genuine.

Seonghwa nodded. Out of the countless managers he had had, Jongho so far was his favourite. He was no-bullshit type of man and most importantly, a man of few words. Even now, he left Seonghwa alone without further words.

The other staff around him started buzzing around him as well, telling him how well he did, how good he looked on the screen, all in the same feigned cheery voices Seonghwa disliked. But Seonghwa didn’t pay any of them any attention, easily able to turn off the sounds of the world around him as he turned on the drama on his phone again. He couldn’t care less about their meaningless words. 

He was here to model, and everything else was a necessary evil.

* * *

When Park Seonghwa had been a child, his dream had been to become a singer. He had practiced hours upon hours everyday, dutifully learning to sing his favourite songs perfectly. His parents and big brother supported him fully.

When he had been 10 years old, his brother had taken him to a local music festival where Seonghwa had seen a rapper for the first time. From that day on, Seonghwa’s dream had been to become a rapper. He, once again, had spent his days practicing, showing his ever growing skills to his adoring family. 

When he had been 12, he had realized all his dreams could come true as an idol. He had immediately auditioned to as many idol companies as he could. They had loved him, but no one had wanted him for his singing or rapping (or his barely there dancing abilities), but his face.

But by then Seonghwa had not been surprised by that. All his life, whenever he had told his parents of his new dreams, they had smiled but then asked him if he would not want to become a model instead?

“ _You are so handsome already, Hwa, why don’t you become a model?”_ his mum had said while ruffling his hair. Seonghwa had nodded and smiled.

“ _Your life would be so easy if you became a model, Seonghwa,”_ his brother had liked to lament, patting his back. Seonghwa had agreed.

His father had gone even further. He had enrolled his son on modeling courses and had even lectured and taught him by himself at home. Not a day had gone by in the Park household without Seonghwa’s dad telling him tips and anecdotes about the modeling world. Preparing him.

And not a day had gone by without someone telling Seonghwa how handsome and gorgeous he was. Made to be a model.

So was it really a surprise the way he had turned out?

He had indeed got a modeling contract easily, only at the age of 13. His dad always told him it was because of his looks and talent, but Seonghwa had seen the articles about nepotism - his father owned quite a large part of KQ. What they didn’t know, however, was that his father had been offered that part so they could sign Seonghwa. 

During his moody teenage years, Seonghwa had felt the burden of that fact harshly. But the elders, his mentors, perhaps had sensed that and had daily reminded him of his talents. They had built Seonghwa up again. 

And when he had been 18 years old, he had debuted. 

And just as everyone had told him for years, he had hit it big immediately. Maybe not in Korea, even though he was loved there as well, but internationally. Vogue, Elle, Cosmopolitan, Harper’s Bazaar - they had all wanted exclusives, they had all wanted Seonghwa’s pictures on their pages, on the middle spread.

So Seonghwa had been used to flying out of the country from such a young age. 

But yet.. even now, at the age of 26, six years from his first flight, the same dread he had then felt when the airplane took off from the landing strip and ascended into the skies, that same fear of heights, of falling down, still plagued him.

It was the 22nd of April, 19 days after his birthday, the day of leaving for Paris. Seonghwa had been the first to board the private jet, immediately heading to and locking himself in his cabin. The window cover had been up, Seonghwa had made a note to complain about it to Jongho. He pulled it down harshly. He could not understand why they couldn’t make a jet with a cabin without windows. 

The bed felt firm under Seonghwa when he sat down. He took off his shoes (if he remembered correctly, flight to France took a long time), laid down properly, and fished out his phone. He had downloaded some movies for the flight and was excited to get started on them. It had been a long time since his last hours-long flight and it was a perfect time to get caught up on all the new popular movies he had missed. Settling on a comfortable position, he started the first one (Parasite).

Just as he had instructed, no one disrupted him except for the food. The steak this time wasn’t up to the standards and Seonghwa made sure to tell Jongho about that too. This trip had really started on the wrong foot. At least the movie had been awesome. As expected from an Oscar winning movie. 

After the food, Seonghwa was able to finish two full movies until the next scheduled interruption from his hair stylist. Ashamedly, his hair was really ruffled from laying down on the bed. His dad always told him to constantly be careful with it, but whenever Seongwha got really immersed into the world of dramas and movies, he tended to forget the outside world. Miss Lee didn’t say anything about it, though. She had already learned not to talk to Seonghwa, and Seonghwa could appreciate that. Even if he didn’t care about her enough to learn her name.

Sora left him immediately after she got done with his hair, and Seonghwa returned to his movie. Or returned his full focus to it. Getting his hair done wasn’t worth pausing his watching. 

But then the door to his cabin opened again. Annoyance flared in him, but he ignored it along with whoever had stepped in and closed the door behind themselves. The movie was just getting to an interesting part, and Seonghwa was able to immediately forget the presence of the other. 

Well, until his name was said loudly. Only Seonghwa’s lifelong practice made him able to hide the anger he felt. He simply lifted his head from his phone. This too didn’t warrant the trouble of pausing the movie or taking out his earbuds. 

The man in front of him was distantly familiar looking. Seonghwa tried to remember where he had seen him before. He couldn’t remember, and why should he need to? 

“Hey, I will do your makeup before we land!” the man started cheerily, weirding Seonghwa out. But at least now he knew why he was familiar. He was that new makeup artist. So they finally found a guy. About time. 

Seonghwa surprised himself by wondering what his name was. He usually didn’t care about those working for him.

“If you could just get up and sit on the chair here, I just need to quickly retouch it, it won’t take long.”

  
Seonghwa nodded and sat up. But he didn’t get up. He just swinged his legs over the edge of the bed and returned to his movie. He had missed the action scene. How annoying, now he needed to rewind. 

He watched the action scene. It wasn’t as exciting as he had hoped. No wonder he hadn’t focused on it and instead weirdly actually listened to the makeup dude. The dude who was still just standing there, apparently not having moved an inch.

Seonghwa lifted his head and his eyebrow at him. He really was weird, and Seonghwa was starting to feel slightly uncomfortable. Perhaps while trying to get a guy instead of a girl the company had had to forget the quality.

Makeup-dude finally snapped out of his daydreaming and started moving. Internally Seonghwa rolled his eyes. But then his annoyed thoughts were interrupted by seeing the guy _kneel_ in front of him. 

Was that really necessary? This guy was so weird. It took all in Seonghwa not to recoil from him. 

The movie was starting to get boring, so Seonghwa found himself involuntarily focusing more on the guy working on his face. Something he had not done in a very long time. The touch of the makeup brushes on his skin was softer than he ever remembered it being with his earlier makeup artists. 

Seonghwa wished the guy would be done fast. 

Thankfully, he was. Seonghwa didn’t hear what he muttered before he fled the cabin. As the door clicked closed, Seonghwa almost fell down on the bed again. He remembered his hair just in time and shot back up. 

He threw the movie still playing on his phone a dirty look. If it had been more interesting, the guy would not have been able to make him this.. affected. 

* * *

Paris was unremarkable. A fan filled airport, car trip through congested traffic, decent hotel room. It was just like it had always been during Seonghwa’s visits. And just like every other city he had ever been in. 

The writers had given him the script for the Paris part of the variety show and after ordering food to the room, Seonghwa started studying it diligently. He knew that the better he knew it, the faster everything could be filmed and the faster he could get back to the hotel room. 

He knew better than to watch the massive flat screen TV in his room. TV shows in France tended to be only in French. He still opened it every evening when he was done with the work for the day. It was kind of relaxing just mindlessly staring at the moving pictures without understanding anything. Even Seonghwa sometimes needed a break from the korean dramas. 

Yes, it was indeed very normal work for him. Expect for one part. One part Seonghwa couldn’t deny was starting to intrigue him.

His new makeup artist.

He was ever silent, ever gentle with his work, ever awkward and ever making Seonghwa slightly uncomfortable for unknown reasons. And his work was… good. When Seonghwa had caught a glimpse of his face in the mirror on the first filming day, he had been actually surprised at the quality. Seonghwa didn’t often get surprised. He had been taught by his father and other mentors to know everything that would happen to him in the modeling world. 

But the work of the new makeup artist (maybe Seonghwa should learn his name soon) made him think of that long buried wish he had had the last time he had been in Paris. 

And then hearing him and his stylist talk so excitedly about it - about Eiffel Tower.. The desire to see it for himself continued to fester in him.

Then one day his stylist asked him:

_“He made the makeup even better than pictured! Do you like it, hyung?”_

And Seonghwa felt seen in a way that made his insides shrivel. The eyes of the makeup artist - San, stylist had called him - burned him. But Seonghwa looked at himself in the mirror, again. He was beautiful. The makeup masked his whole face, and he didn’t feel like himself at all. 

“..good,” he only mumbled. It was so easy to hide, the two didn’t see the cracks behind the mask. The makeup worked perfectly. Maybe he could.. use it.

Later that same day, with an excuse of a fault in Seonghwa’s makeup, San touched him.

His touch was gentle even when it wasn’t with a makeup brush. Uncomfortable. But the makeup made it easier to keep on the mask. If he hadn’t gotten that idea to use the boy’s skills for his own gain, he would have told the KQ executives to fire him on the spot. His touch was just like all those before him. Seonghwa felt sick.

(It was a lie. It had been softer. There hadn’t been a purpose, a meaning, behind it. It had been just accidental. Even Seonghwa could tell as much.)

“Don’t worry,” he told him. Words without much thought behind them, and Seonghwa’s skin crawled. It wasn’t like him to just say words. Just like that, uselessly.

Call to the stage came at the perfect time, because the tingling left from the brush of fingers wasn’t subsiding. A touch had never lingered on him like that. 

_He is just like them._ But at the same time, he was nothing like them. Seonghwa felt uncomfortable, because he didn’t know what he was feeling. 

Without makeup, with San’s eyes on him, it felt like he saw _him._ It was better to avoid his eyes.

* * *

Even in the hotel room, Seonghwa remembered San’s eyes. He hadn’t been able to read them then, and now he found himself curious. Had San been meaning to say something to him? Why was Seonghwa wondering about it? 

San was the first male makeup artist he had had, but it shouldn’t affect him that much. Mr. Kang was a male stylist, and he never bothered Seonghwa’s mind like this. Maybe because he actually acted exactly like those before him. 

San… was different. Reserved. But gentle. And there was something in the way he looked at Seonghwa, that Seonghwa had not seen before. Of course he usually didn’t care about the way people looked at him. But surely he should have noticed someone looking at him like that before? It was so noticeable. 

Seonghwa groaned. He had stared at the screen of his phone for half an hour, but had not actually seen any of the drama that was still playing on it. He hadn’t been this lost in his thoughts since he had been a child with big dreams.

He quickly sent Jongho a message. He needed to hit the gym.

One quick change of clothes in his hotel room later and Seonghwa left for the gym. Jongho had hopefully already cleared it for him. 

It seemed to be the case, as Seonghwa saw no one when he walked towards the gym. With his mind focused on a single task, Seonghwa was starting to feel a little more like his normal self already.

Until he heard someone talking inside the gym. Seonghwa furrowed his brow. Was it Jongho? He walked towards the sound. It wasn’t Jongho, of course it wasn’t. The world liked to do Seonghwa dirty this trip, why would it stop now?

So of course the source of the talking was San. Seonghwa quickly steeled himself and looked for who he was talking with. He needed to tell them to leave the gym (so he could call Jongho and fire him for not doing his work). But San was completely alone, talking to himself.

...What?

“Who are you talking to?” The question left Seonghwa’s mouth before he could stop himself. 

San whipped his head to Seonghwa in shock. At least for once he was easy to read. Seonghwa chuckled in his mind. Good, he managed to scare San. Serves him right. For messing with Seonghwa’s mind.

But maybe he had been too scary? San was not moving, only staring at Seonghwa with his eyes wide open. Seonghwa fought against the need to fidget under the gaze. He never fidgeted, he made others fidget.

This was fast becoming annoying and uncomfortable again.

“What’s wrong with you?” For once Seonghwa had said what he had thought of and wanted to say. He had to make sure this would continue, and not the trend of just saying weird things without thinking.

His words seemed to snap San out of whatever trance he had been in.

“I was talking to myself,” he said, completely serious.

It took Seonghwa a second to realize he was answering his earlier silly question. San truly was weird. But.. not in a completely bad way? At least he had been honest, Seonghwa could respect that.

San was already bowing out of the conversation when Seonghwa once again talked without thinking ( _goddamnit)_ :

“Wait. I need to ask you something.”

...

What compelled him to do that? To ask San to disguise him so he’d be able to go outside to see Paris (he couldn’t tell him he desperately wanted to see Eiffel Tower, at least he could keep his mouth shut about some things). Seonghwa bristled about the conversation even when he San had already left and he had sat down at his favourite workout machine and when Jongho _finally_ arrived.

Jongho was panting harder than Seonghwa who had been using the workout machine for some minutes. “I- I’m sorry, sir, my phone was on silent and I-”

“I should fire you for this,” Seonghwa stated. This whole thing with San was actually all Jongho’s fault, now that Seonghwa really thought of it.

“Y-yes, I truly am sorry, this won’t happen again,” Jongho said. To his credit, he appeared perfectly calm and serious apart from being out of breath. Yes, it would be a waste to fire him. The next manager he’d get would most likely be even worse.

“Make sure of that,” Seonghwa just said and went back to working out, a clear signal for Jongho to leave him. Which he did, with a deep bow and no more words, just like Seonghwa expected from him. 

* * *

Monday and the time Seonghwa had told San to be in his hotel room came sooner than Seonghwa would have liked. But at the same time the pass of time had felt slower. The drama episodes he had watched had felt like they lasted for ages. And then at some points Seonghwa would notice he had just stared at the screen for half an hour while so lost in his thoughts he had felt like only a minute had passed.

It was so weird. Everything about San was weird. Even the fact that he had agreed to do this without asking for anything back from Seonghwa. 

Even the way he knocked on the door two minutes late was weird. It wasn’t a good look to be late to an appointment, but Seonghwa decided to let it slide this time as he opened the door and let San in. 

And then San was in the hotel room, _his_ room, and that was definitely the weirdest feeling ever. Was it the first time a guy other than Jongho had been alone with him in a hotel room? Or any room for that matter. Seonghwa didn’t know why his thoughts returned back to his childhood again, but he remembered that he hadn’t had any guys over even during school years. 

It was rather exciting, a different (but not in a bad way) feeling Seonghwa was altogether not used to. Not that Seonghwa would ever tell or show that to San.

However, awkwardness quickly filled the room. Seonghwa was sitting on the chair, waiting for San to move, but he was just standing there, looking awkward. Seonghwa started to feel awkward as well. The excitement faded a bit. 

“You brought the makeup needed?” he questioned when he realized San really was not gonna say or do anything. This was the most he had ever done for someone else.

San only nodded, and Seonghwa almost, _almost,_ asked him if a cat got his tongue, but was able to stop himself. It would have been crude and very inappropriate for a model of his caliber, according to his father. 

“Get to work then,” Seonghwa simply ordered. It worked, making San finally move. He walked to the table in front of Seonghwa and turned to look at him. Seonghwa felt the precious time slip past them, wasted. 

San asked what Seonghwa wanted him to do, like an idiot. For some reason unknown to himself, Seonghwa had thought San to be a bit smarter than that.

“You need to disguise me, so I can go out without anyone being able to tell it’s me.” So simple. 

“What do you want to go out for?” But apparently not simple enough for San. 

“So I can go sightseeing of course.”

“And you can’t do that without disguise?”

Seonghwa almost scoffed out loud. He had clearly overestimated San. He didn’t usually make this mistake for other people working for him (or even with him, other models could really be idiots), so he shouldn’t have made it for San. But he had, for some silly reason, and now he was reaping the rewards of that mistake. Great.

He explained his reasoning to San, and if he sounded angry, he would let it go this one time. San deserved to know how he had affected Seonghwa. His reasons were simple, even San should understand them. But he still continued being a nuisance.

“So you just force your makeup artists to disguise you?” San asked, his tone clipped. Seonghwa wondered if he was angry too, even if he had no reason to be. His words also made no sense. He didn’t force San to do this, it was his job. If he felt his job was forced on him, he could take that to the KQ management, for all Seonghwa cared. He wouldn’t miss him, if he quit.

But Seonghwa felt compelled to explain to him his reasoning once again. “What do you mean? This is the first time I ever… that I have this idea. I heard you talking with Mr. Kang about how amazing Paris was, and I wanted to see it for myself.” He had almost said ‘ _first time I ever ask for help from someone’._ He had almost told San the truth. Something uncomfortable settled in Seonghwa’s stomach at the realization. 

“I really wish you didn’t.”

That something uncomfortable doubled in size, and Seonghwa hated it, hated not knowing what it was and why he was feeling this much. It must have been because of San. Seonghwa regretted ever asking him this, ever allowing him this close.

Yet, he couldn’t reverse it now. He was so close to Eiffel Tower too. 

“Well, you have to do what I ask. You are my makeup artist”, Seonghwa said, able to keep his voice even and serious. He hoped it would finally stop San’s rebuttals.

“I’m not sure that’s how it works, but fine”, San still had to get the last word in, “I promised you I would help, so I will. But! Just this once.”

Just this once Seonghwa would let him have it, keeping his scathing words that his father would have balked at to himself. But he never dropped his gaze from San’s eyes. Found out he couldn’t. That would be too much like admitting defeat, was the reason Seonghwa’s struggling brain came up with when he was screaming at his mind _why, why was Choi San affecting him like this?_

San turned his gaze away first. Seonghwa felt his body relax in relief. The relief was short-lived for San was soon turning back at him. And giving him a long look, from his head to his toe. If Seonghwa was less experienced in hiding his feelings (which he didn’t admit having), he would have shivered at the burning gaze and tried to cover himself. But now he just sat unmoving, waiting.

“..Are you wearing those clothes outside?” San asked. 

What did he mean by that? Seonghwa looked at his clothes. He had actually spent an embarrassingly long time choosing them. The pile of clothes on the couch behind him spoke on that. Maybe he had got the colour coordination wrong?

San launched into a rant about how wrong Seonghwa’s choices were. It made Seonghwa actually mildly scared. Not that he would admit it to himself, of course. He couldn’t even feel his expression changing to show his shock. 

“I spent hours going through my clothes.. What should I wear then?” he asked once he thought San was done with his outburst. His words came out a tad too hesitant for his liking. He had lost his composure and was struggling to get his walls back up.

But San seemed to have calmed down, which in turn calmed Seonghwa. For some unknown reason. Later Seonghwa would marvel at the way San hadn’t mentioned his unusual crack in demeanor, like Seonghwa was used to from his father. But right now he just wanted a way out of this situation. 

“Something like a gray hoodie, and just normal black jeans are good, preferably as cheap looking as possible,” San explained. 

Seonghwa nodded. “Okay. I should have something along those lines,” he told San and left the room. He made sure he wasn’t walking (or running) as fast as he yearned to.

Once Seonghwa got to the bedroom where his stylist had left his clothes, he heaved out a long, shaky breath. That had been extremely weird. Seonghwa had never been questioned like that. In fact, no one had ever told him he had done something wrong in his entire life. They had advised him what to do in advance so he wouldn’t screw up. But now he had screwed up, and San had caught him up on that. Distantly, some small part of Seonghwa’s mind was glad it had been San and not someone else. 

Alone in the room, Seonghwa was quick to normalize his feelings, able to push all the meddling thoughts and feelings to the back. He focused instead on the task ahead. Finding better clothing. What did San tell him again, gray and _normal_ and _cheap._ Seonghwa shuddered at the thought of wearing something cheap. That was one of the things his father told him to avoid at all costs. But his father was not here right now, and San was, and San wanted cheap and for this Seonghwa trusted in San. He didn’t seem to have a lot of money, so he should know.

Normal.. Now what was normal? Seonghwa rummaged through the countless clothes. Surely he had something passable? He found a gray hoodie easily. Except it had a massive logo of Gucci plastered right in the middle. Gucci wasn’t that cheap, at least Seonghwa didn’t think it was. Was it? _Fuck, this is hard._

Embarrassingly long time after, Seonghwa finally found a _normal_ gray hoodie, _normal_ black pants (not jeans, but Seonghwa hoped San wouldn’t know better) and not-cheap but no-brand-showing shoes that were lacking in polish. Normally, Seonghwa would never wear them, but this was an emergency. 

He grabbed the clothes and made his way back to the room with Choi San and San finally started working on his disguise. Even if Seonghwa was still feeling a tinge unsure, he felt much more in control of his composure. 

Until San told him to comb his hair himself. No one had ever ordered him so strongly. Seonghwa gaped at San. He almost told him off, but remembered that San didn’t like that. He didn’t want another confrontation with him, so he pushed back the shock and anger, and instead did what San told him to. If someone else saw him right then, he’d die of embarrassment, but no one would and he felt a bit better thanks to that. 

(He did make a mental note to never let this happen again.)

It was nice to mess with his own hair. It was soft and ran easily through Seonghwa’s fingers. It was relaxing, and Seonghwa felt the tenseness slowly leave his body. He hadn’t even realized how tense he had been. There had been a lot of unpleasant firsts for him ever since San had stepped into the hotel room. Seonghwa hoped that Eiffel Tower would be worth all the trouble in the end.

His hair done, clothes changed and accessories put on, Seonghwa barely recognized himself in the mirror. For one, he looked much older. And sillier. But that was the point, Seonghwa supposed. He was very tempted to stroke his “beard” like he had seen all the smart men in dramas too. How childish would that be. 

(He still stroked it quickly when San wasn’t looking. It made him grin. He didn’t look like the real Seonghwa, so indulging in a little silliness for once was okay.)

The two parted ways at the hallway. Seonghwa forgot San as soon as he was out of his sight. All that remained in his mind was excitement for going out. He finally allowed himself to freely feel it.

It was cold outside. Seonghwa wished he had a jacket as well. He tried to keep his hands warm inside the hoodie pockets - when he wasn’t checking his phone for the map app. He had decided to first quickly visit the shopping mall he had had a fashion show in earlier before heading to the Eiffel Tower. He had seen some glimpses of it while walking the catwalk, and it had piqued his interest. He could probably quickly eat something there. Maybe a good steak...

It took him a longer time than the map app had estimated to get to the mall due to turning the wrong way on all the turns (not his fault he had never used a map before), but eventually he made it to the clearing the mall resided in. After spending a good time trying to find an entrance, Seonghwa finally was inside. 

Mindlessly wandering around, Seonghwa is slightly disappointed at only seeing familiar brand names on the windows. Not that he was interested in buying anything, but all the dramas he had watched that had been set in (or had visited) Paris had painted a much more quaint atmosphere to the city. He had hoped to see more small boutiques selling handmade crafts.

While walking on the long hallways, Seonghwa suddenly noticed a familiar face. He was surprised he could recognize him that easily. Surely he had not stared at his face that much to be so familiar with it? Maybe it wasn’t San. He had to check that out.

It was San.

“Are you following me?” San groaned.

Yep, even his voice and words were very familiar. Once again Seonghwa didn’t know what to feel or what he was feeling.

“Don’t talk to me,” Seonghwa hissed silently. San had walked closer to him, but he had talked to him loudly. People would be weirded out. They would stare at him and surely at least one would notice who he really was and then it was all over. He would wake up from the dream.

“Why did you stop then?” San asked, loudly, again.

Seonghwa sighed. He didn’t feel like explaining. He turned around and left San just standing there. But of course San would never let him go that easily. His whole life’s meaning was clearly to bother Seonghwa to the end of the world.

“Hey, answer me! You stopped and specifically turned to me, and then you tell me not to talk to you? What’s the point then, even?”

Damn! This guy never knew when to quit. Seonghwa stopped and turned to San. Due to his rising panic, he was unable to hide the anger in his voice when he growled at San:

“Don’t follow me! Or talk to me. You are pulling attention to me, and the disguise is not good enough to hide me then!”

“No one is even paying any attention to us,” San answered. His voice sounded strained even to Seonghwa ears.

It was enough to make Seonghwa pause and really look around them. There were masses of people passing by them, but none of them paid any attention to Seonghwa, even when he was staring at them blatantly. 

A sudden relief flooded Seonghwa, making his head feel light. Which made him do something he had never done before: admit he was wrong. And then.. Smile. It didn’t feel forced or strained like the smiles he sometimes used for interviews or for fans. It was a genuine smile, borne out of relief and gladness. Two very common, simple emotions, but ones Seonghwa was not used to feeling. And mixed with them.. Maybe happiness? Freedom? Seonghwa didn’t know.

But what he knew was that San had been the one to bring it out of him. Like many other emotions, all in one day. Seonghwa couldn’t help it, he had to admit to the truth - he was fascinated by Choi San. 

The shopping mall suddenly seemed all the more interesting. Seonghwa was ready to explore more. And his next words to San came very easily.

“Aren’t you coming?” 

_Won’t you allow me to learn more of why you make me feel this way?_

* * *

In the end, Seonghwa didn’t make it to Eiffel Tower that day. San had told him about paintings and Louvre, and Seonghwa had of course wanted to see the famous museum even he knew of for himself. With San on his side with his weird little infos, Seonghwa found himself being more interested in actual Paris than just Eiffel Tower.

And Louvre had been.. Fun. So Seonghwa wasn’t that disappointed by not seeing what he had done this for in the first place. Besides, he had felt comfortable enough with San to ask him to disguise him once more for the next free day. 

So there they were again, in Seonghwa’s room, this time having started the work easier and with San seemingly more comfortable. No big fights this time around. Seonghwa felt bored enough to check his social medias, maybe reply to a fan or two so he could forget them for the next few weeks.

Quicker than yesterday, they left the hotel room and made their separate ways to the Paris streets. Seonghwa with his experience with the map app now made his way to Eiffel Tower (finally!) with only a couple of wrong turns. Directions were weird.

The wonder of finally seeing the massive tower in front of him made Seonghwa grin. It was a very unfamiliar expression on his face, and his cheeks started hurting after a minute of widely smiling. His face quickly returned to the default settings. 

Now, how to get to the top of the tower?

..Top.

Seonghwa might not have thought this through. He felt the familiar dread build up in his stomach. He almost turned to leave the clearing, when a voice came behind him:

“Are you seriously actually following me?”

Choi San. Seonghwa wasn’t sure if he was relieved or mad that his retreat had been stopped. He didn’t look at San, not sure if he could keep himself from showing his inner turmoil on the outside. Instead he continued to stare at the Eiffel Tower, feeling wistful.

San walked closer to him and continued speaking to him. “Please don’t ignore me. You were the one who walked to me in the first place!”

Surprised, Seonghwa glanced at him. He didn’t realize San would think him ignoring him.

“It is just a mere coincidence,” he told San. 

Seonghwa couldn’t read San’s expression, but he hoped it wasn’t angry. Angry San was exhausting to deal with. But his next words were said with light tone, thankfully:

“Are you also going to ask me to stay with you again?”

“Are you going up the tower?” Seonghwa asked him, hoping against his better judgement that he was. Then, maybe he would be able to go as well. But then San would find out his biggest weakness.. Would it be worth it?

“Yes,” San answered the question Seonghwa had said aloud, but Seonghwa felt like he had answered also the one he had asked in his mind. 

Seonghwa steeled himself. “Then I will come with you.” He could do this. Just one elevator ride up.. Seonghwa gulped at the mere thought of it, his palms getting sweaty already.

_With San, I can do it._ He repeated it like a mantra in his mind. After all, with San he felt safe.

“Awesome,” San said, seeming to be happy to go up.

San led them to the queue leading to the tower. During the silent wait for their turn, Seonghwa repeated his San-mantra over and over again, trying to believe in it. He had felt safe with San yesterday, yes, but now that feeling was far away. 

Until they got to the lift and the ascend started. Seonghwa couldn’t look outside, deciding to instead just lean on the railing and look at the other passengers (none of whom paid him any attention, amazingly the disguise seemed to truly work), but standing close to San eased the usually so gripping and overwhelming fear by a noticeable margin. 

Not enough for San to not notice, though.

“Why did you even want to go up if you know you can’t handle heights? You are missing everything,” San berated him. Even the harsh tone of his words made Seonghwa feel more at ease.

He was even able to quip at him, surprising both of them. “Well so are you if you continue to stare at me.” Seonghwa felt very proud of that, he had to admit he often wasn’t good with words. At least not when he hadn’t been taught the whole situation and what to say at what point in advance. 

Seeing San’s reddened face made that same light and good feeling from yesterday’s mall trip return to Seonghwa. He almost smiled again at the way San started talking nonstop about his little information he knew from god-knows-where.

Rest of the ascent felt easy and safe, even if Seonghwa couldn’t bring himself to turn around to look at the sights. He was also able to walk on the top level clearing with steady feet. 

The insides of the highest level were pretty mundane, but just the fact that he was in the place featured in so many dramas and films, and that he, with his fear of heights, had actually made it up, made it all worth it. 

Seonghwa didn’t know what he was feeling. He just knew it was good.

(It was happiness.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked Seonghwa POV, because next chapter it will continue ;)


	8. Chapter 7 - Fascination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long again! Happy Lunar New Year *^^*

**\- CHAPTER 7 - FASCINATION -**

After the Eiffel Tower incident, Seonghwa had foolishly thought he had been cured out of his fear of heights. But a single step into the plane made him realize that that was not the case. A cold sweat formed on his back as he locked himself into his cabin and annoyance flared at the feeling of fear and anxiety that filled his body. The window cover was down this time - at least something was going well. 

Only saving grace about the situation was the fact that the flight from Paris to Milan didn’t last long. Seonghwa was already feeling exhausted. He was not used to feeling this many different feelings so fast in conjunction. Excitement and expectation to realization to disappointment and anger.

It was hard to focus on the drama playing on his phone. After 20 minutes of futile rewinding of the same two minute scene, Seonghwa gave up and pulled out the AirPods from his ears. He rubbed his eyes, not realizing he was smudging the makeup there. He desperately wanted to be back on land. He was probably being paranoid but he felt like there were more turbulences than normally. The fear coiled on Seonghwa’s stomach. It was more persistent and heavier than usual.

He had difficulties holding on to his calm face when Sora came to check on his hair. If she noticed Seonghwa’s struggles, she didn’t comment on it. After she left Seonghwa knew San would come soon. The fear eased off a little, even if he was a bit mad at San for not curing him of the fear completely. In a way, this all was kind of his fault, if you asked Seonghwa.

The door was opened soon after Sora had left. Seonghwa looked at San stepping inside the cabin. He hadn’t even knocked; where were his manners? But he didn’t say anything about it, too exhausted. San didn’t say anything either, just started working immediately (this time Seonghwa had positioned himself on the edge of the bed already). 

It was calming, just sitting there and letting San do his work. Seonghwa usually didn’t focus on the makeup application, but now he found peace in the soft and gentle way San used brushes on his face, spreading the cold creams and powders. Focusing on that made him almost completely tune out the sounds of the airplane and the subtle movements of it that reminded him he was indeed kilometres up in the air.

In fact, he was so focused on the sensations on his face, that it took him embarrassingly long to notice San had stopped and was holding his hand right in front of his face. To alleviate his embarrassment, Seonghwa stared at the hand a tad harsher than needed. 

“Your hand, please,” San said simply when Seonghwa had failed to do anything but look at his hand. 

What about Seonghwa’s hand? For a while, Seonghwa’s brain was empty. He could feel the gears working overtime, trying to decipher San’s cryptic words. 

“I need to clean the eyeliner off of it too,” San helpfully explained more. 

To show that he understood San the first time and was just staring at the extended hand just because, Seonghwa stared at it a bit longer. Then he finally lifted his hand (which he now noticed had smudges of his black eyeliner) and placed it on San’s. 

Or barely placed. He felt uncomfortable touching San. Just like he felt uncomfortable with the touch of anyone, San was nothing special. The barely-there touch still burned and Seonghwa wanted to fidget, to pull away, to tell San to leave. Now, were it anyone else than San there, doing this, Seonghwa would have easily told them to leave him alone. But with San, he wanted to feel the calming effect he brought a little bit longer. So he said nothing. (But still, San was nothing special.)

San was done quickly. Seonghwa swiftly pulled back his now clean hand. It tingled. Seonghwa’s stomach churned unpleasantly. San seemed unperturbed and just continued to work on Seonghwa’s makeup as if nothing had happened. 

Seonghwa’s fear of heights was now forgotten, in the back of his mind, replaced by the disturbing touch of San’s still lingering on Seonghwa. It was only a smudge better than the fear. Even the touch of the brushes on his skin didn’t alleviate that feeling. And soon San was done anyways.

Seonghwa expected him to leave immediately. He didn’t. Ever subverting Seonghwa’s expectations. Instead he stayed on his spot. Then he coughed, as if all of Seonghwa’s attention had not already been on him. When Seonghwa lifted his gaze at him, he spoke:

“This is probably the only time we can talk in private for a while, so let me just ask this right now: do you want me to disguise you in Milan as well so you can go sightseeing there?”

_ Huh? _

Honestly, Seonghwa was not sure what to answer. The question had really caught him by surprise. So he stalled.

“What is there to see in Milan?” He had not thought about sightseeing in other cities than Paris. Even then he had only wanted to see Eiffel Tower, but had somewhat got more than he had wanted. Not that he hadn’t liked it. But continuing this would be too risky. The risk of getting caught by Jongho.. Would it be worth it? 

“I.. I’m not sure, actually. I’m sure me and Yeosang will find out when we go wander around,” San mumbled, unsure suddenly.

Seonghwa balked at the mention of his stylist. Jongho was not the only risk.. 

“You and Yeosang.. Hmh. You haven’t told him - or anyone else about Paris right?” Seonghwa grilled San. His tone might have been colder than needed, but it was just because he didn’t want anyone to find out about him going out without telling anyone. There was no other reason for the weird churning in his guts.

San shook his head. “Of course not. I always keep my promises.”

Good. Except Seonghwa still didn’t know what to say. What did he want? Sightseeing had never particularly interested him, so it would be better if they didn’t continue. Yet he didn’t want to say no. Weird, he had not even realized there could be more sightseeing with San before, but now that San had brought the possibility up himself, Seonghwa found it.. intriguing.

Seonghwa apparently took too long to answer again as San huffed:

“Well, I don’t care if you don’t want to. Just didn’t want to get any surprises this time. Don’t come running to me if you change your mind.”

He turned to leave and Seonghwa once again experienced something he had not before - he panicked. 

“Fine. Wait.”

This was so unlike Seonghwa. Before he could think too much about the real reasons behind all this and all his feelings and stop, his heart made him continue:

“You find any good places to see and show them to me. I don’t know when we have free days yet, but I expect you in my room at noon on the first.”

San seemed somehow.. brighter? due to Seonghwa’s words. “Fine.” Even the one word he said didn’t feel as harsh as Seonghwa would’ve thought. 

Seonghwa was not sure if this was a good idea after all. The risks were huge. But the returns.. He surprised himself thinking that they would be worth all the risks. 

* * *

Four whole free days. Seonghwa was shocked, but oddly excited. When was the last time he had looked this much forward to having a day off to do whatever he wanted? Well, of course during the Paris trip just earlier. But earlier than that, he was pretty sure holidays had never meant anything to him.

The first free day was already on the day after the flight. San was behind his hotel room door at noon on the dot. He was getting better.

Seonghwa had not expected a free day so soon, and he voiced as much to San. Would the makeup artist even had had time to scout out a location to go to? San’s answer was negative. Instead he and Yeosang had spent yesterday doing useless, stupid things like drinking. Seonghwa almost scrunched his nose snobbishly. 

“How.. vulgar,” he sneered. Getting drunk.. was dangerous. Seonghwa would rather not think about that.

“Whatever,” San dismissed his words, “I did do some research. I was thinking we could check this cool shopping mall out. It’s how we started in Paris too.”

Seonghwa appreciated San not rising to his bait this time. “A decent suggestion.”

San started his work in silence. He finished quickly, but Seonghwa was still impressed at the result. He even felt the disguise was just getting better, more natural. Although the beard made him look weird. But it was more important to be unrecognisable than handsome.

Still in silence the pair left the hotel room. In the hallway, much to Seonghwa’s chagrin, San stopped.

“Should I return my makeup bag to my room?” he asked Seonghwa.

To Seonghwa the answer to that question was very clear. He debated not answering. But San was seemingly really considering doing it.

“No, that would be too risky. And I would not wait for you.” Even if he didn’t know the way to today’s destination. 

“Alright then,” San just sighed and on towards the elevators they went.

San might have mentioned the unnecessarily long name of the mall they went to, but Seonghwa couldn’t remember it. But it didn’t matter to him, he could admire its beauty without it. The whole plaza they had just arrived at was amazing, surrounded by old, majestic buildings that took even Seonghwa’s breath away. He idly wondered why this place was never featured in any dramas, it more than deserved all the attention. Especially the church!

The mall itself was beautiful albeit small. Seonghwa enjoyed just walking the two corridors, taking in the architecture (that San was explaining about to him). It was pretty unusual for the model to take interest in or even notice mundane things like that. San’s anecdotes made everything even more fascinating. Seonghwa felt something light and pleasant tingle in his heart. 

The stores San at some point dragged him to were nice, but didn’t interest Seonghwa nearly as much as the place itself. Neither of them bought anything. Once again Seonghwa was disappointed at the boring brand stores he could find anywhere. He even saw clothes he was pretty sure he already had. So. Damn. Boring.

They ended the day at a nearby restaurant. The food was unremarkable but edible. San spent way too long staring at him, but that was something Seonghwa was used to from other people so he could let it pass. Except it was too fun to annoy him with a cold glare. 

Back at his hotel room, Seonghwa took a long, hot shower. It always took him several uses of the makeup removal balm to get all of the disguise off his face. He had meant to ask San to get him something stronger, but had always forgotten to tell him that whenever he saw him. Nevertheless, the hour long shower was rather relaxing.

However, the very second Seonghwa stepped out of the bathroom with a towel tied around his hips and another perched on his head, there was a knock on his door. A knock Seonghwa knew very well. Jongho. 

Trying not to let panic settle in his heart, Seonghwa took a steadying breath and went to open the door. He had a bad feeling about this - Jongho’s knock had sounded just a bit too frantic to be normal. 

“Finally!” Jongho exclaimed when Seonghwa opened the door, confirming Seonghwa’s fears. “Why haven’t you been answering the door for hours?” The rare exasperation in his voice was enough to make Seonghwa cringe internally. 

“I haven’t heard anything, I have been watching a drama,” Seonghwa stated. He was happy for being so practiced at the uncaring, unemotional mask; there was not even a crack in it even if panic was building inside him. The excuse was weak however, as Seonghwa had never failed to hear a knock while watching dramas before.

Jongho knew that and leveled him with a suspicious look. “Then why didn’t you answer any of my messages? Or calls?” 

A new excuse came almost automatically. “Can’t I want a day for myself for once?” The open contempt in his voice made Jongho flinch. 

“Of course, sir, but the director really needs to speak with you about the variety show,” Jongho said. 

“Fine then, let me dress and I shall come,” Seonghwa said in resignation.

Jongho nodded and left the room. Seonghwa sighed and threw the towel from his head to his bed before plopping down on it too. So he survived that. Jongho - or anyone who knew him really - would never imagine he had just been walking around Milan with his makeup artist. But the scare had been real and Seonghwa wondered if it was such a good idea to continue this. Next time he might not be as lucky. What would happen when one day Jongho decided to break into his room when he didn’t answer and saw that he was not there?

For the rest of the day and night and the weekend the doubts and fears never left Seonghwa, souring his mood further. 

And then came Monday, the next free day, and Choi San behind his door once again. Seonghwa hesitated for a split second before opening the door and letting San step inside. No matter how much he had thought about this, thought of the very real risks over and over again, he just didn’t want to stop. 

Although the weather seemed to tell Seonghwa to stop this foolishness as well. The incessant drizzle of water soared Seonghwa’s mood even more, and when San left the room in a hurry to get them umbrellas, the doubts roared up again in Seonghwa’s mind. Was this really,  _ really,  _ worth it all?

He stood rooted on the spot while San ran off wherever. He knew it was a bad idea to continue with this whole disguise thing, yet why did he not want to stop? Seonghwa could not understand himself and now his head was starting to hurt. 

What felt like hours to Seonghwa, was probably only a few minutes, and San was already back with two umbrellas. Seonghwa said nothing to San, not cancelling the plan, just letting San escort him outside to the rain. 

San opened his umbrella swiftly, and Seonghwa.. Well,  _ so what _ if he had never used an umbrella by himself before? He refused any further comments about the issue as he spent a perfectly normal amount of time opening his umbrella.

You could say Seonghwa’s mood was not the best when San decided to tell him they were going to a museum today. Seonghwa almost audibly groaned. Had they not already visited a museum back in Paris? While it had been fun and all, Seonghwa failed to see how visiting another one would differ from it? It was just paintings and sculptures in both of them?

But San took his decline shockingly badly. Seonghwa didn’t expect the animosity from San. 

San yelling at him, the close call with Jongho the last time they had had an outing, and the doubts constantly swirling in Seonghwa’s head all led to a point where he allowed his feelings to lead him into an actual fight with San. Only when Seonghwa noticed some passersby giving them long looks, he stopped due to a rising panic, and left San just standing there.

Without looking back, he hurried back to the hotel, trying to quench the fear of Jongho having visited him again. 

Back at the hotel room, without seeing Jongho, Seonghwa was able to calm down. He didn’t feel bad about not being excited about a museum visit. He still held to his opinion that two museums could not be that different from each other. And considering the risk he always took when going out without permission, it would not be worth it. Therefore, Seonghwa’s annoyment was reasonable.

However, none of the excu- reasons explained to Seonghwa why he now felt so.. Concerned over just leaving San outside in the rain alone. He had half a mind to go back outside to drag him back inside, but that was stupid. And risky. And stupid. He was not supposed to care enough in the first place!

Groaning, Seonghwa decided that a good swim in the hotel pool would be perfect to clear his mind. 

Yea, right, as if anything ever went as expected for him. 

Trying to forget San, so he of course met him at the pool. Great. Was this the much spoken about karma? Useless bodyguards! Seonghwa would not be meeting San half as many times if he had competent subordinates.

Seonghwa ended up returning to the hotel room, mind even more filled with San. At least he wasn’t still in the rain. Not that Seonghwa cared about that. Yeah.

* * *

Park Seonghwa did not care about Choi San. That was for sure. Choi San was just another worker beneath him, there to just do his job and to never graze Seonghwa’s mind. He might have been talented at what he did, but so were many of the past makeup-artists. There was simply nothing special about him, except maybe the fact he was a male.

Seonghwa kept his distance from his workers. Even Jongho, who he was pretty much forced to talk more with, was kept at a good distance. While he respected the working morale of Jongho, the moment he was out of Seonghwa’s sight he was out of Seonghwa’s mind. That was more than what the other staff around him got - out of mind even while in sight.

So… So why on Earth, why the hell, did Seonghwa find himself furrowing his brows in… concern! over the defeated, dull,  _ sad  _ look on one Choi San’s face? Was he down because of Seonghwa’ words and behaviour and refusal of going to the museum? That wouldn’t do.

“Hey,” Seonghwa started, hating how hesitant he sounded. He tried to stabilize his voice as he pushed on: “I’m, um, about yesterday. I was just down because of the rain, so I was… maybe I was a bit rude.”

It was the most Seonghwa recalled he had ever tried explaining himself. Most people expected him to be cold and uncaring so they didn’t mind when he was just that, but he was slowly starting to realize that maybe San didn’t like it? 

But now San was barely reacting to Seonghwa’s words. Seonghwa found he did not like that one bit. Where was the feisty Choi San always ready to butt heads with him? 

“We can go to the museum on next free day,” Seonghwa tried getting a reaction out of San again. 

All he got was an ‘okay’. It was not what he wanted. He still didn’t care about museums, shouldn’t San be able to see how huge a sacrifice Seonghwa was making for him? Seriously, what was wrong with him? He still looked so sad too. 

But - why did Seonghwa care? Why did he want to know what had happened? Why did he want to make San not-sad? 

He debated if he should ask. Not because he thought it would be untactful to prod San, but because if he asked, it would mean he was accepting the fact that he  _ cared. _

In the end, when his hesitation to speak caught San’s attention - finally, a reaction! - he asked:

“Are… Are you okay?” 

San laughed. Seonghwa counted that as a victory, a spark of relief filling him. Suddenly he was okay caring, if it meant he could make San forget his issues and focus on Seonghwa again.

But then his answer made Seonghwa frown. 

  
“I’m not,” San whispered. Seonghwa almost objected, but San continued: “But don’t worry about it.”

Being told not to worry made Seonghwa want to spite him and worry even more. But San was looking a bit brighter, and he had talked to Seonghwa again and told him to do stuff; it was like everything was back to normal. And Seonghwa was able to regress back to his shell and not deal with the weird feeling that was  _ caring. _

“Well, then, feel better soon,” Seonghwa just told San. He hoped the other realized it was an order. 

“I will,” San answered.

Seonghwa ignored the way his lips wanted to pull themselves into a smile and the way the day felt a lot better. He suddenly was looking forward to their next free day again, risks be damned.

* * *

Seonghwa even ended up actually being quite interested in the museum visit after San told him where they were going. The museum was named and dedicated after Leonardo da Vinci. Seonghwa had heard of him, of course he had. The museum would not only have paintings, like Seonghwa had ignorantly (San’s words) assumed.

For example, it had full-sized (small) airplanes, and while Seonghwa would not want to fly with them, he had to agree they looked very interesting. San was also on point with his knowledge, and even if Seonghwa hated studying, he felt he learned a lot during their hours long trip to the museum. In the end, he even felt like he could go there again. 

He also felt kind of bad declining the offer to go there the first time, but he didn’t want to bring that up again. San seemed to be in a good mood as well. But later during the evening when they were eating at a decent restaurant, Seonghwa couldn’t help himself from asking what he had been wondering about for a while now:

“What made you so.. sad on Tuesday?”

“It was not you, if you are worried about that,” came San’s weird answer.

“I am not worried about that,” Seonghwa said, sounding almost exasperated to himself.

A silence followed his words and Seonghwa wondered if he had said something wrong. Just wondering that was unusual for him. As was the fidgety feeling of.. nervousness? that followed. The restaurant was filled with people, all talking to themselves and not paying the two of them any mind. Somehow it made Seonghwa feel like he could be someone else for a few seconds. 

(Someone who didn’t keep their distance from people. Someone who still knew how to talk normally and show their feelings freely.)

That different Seonghwa was the one who spoke again: “I was.. No, I am, worried about you.”

“I..” San started.

But the moment was over. The real Seonghwa had heard those words. “I shouldn’t have said that.” What would his father think? What would San do? Seonghwa could feel his whole body steel itself over, readying for a fight. Readying for San to use the disgusting weakness he had shown.

> _ If you worry over me so, why don’t you do something? _

Before Seonghwa could get too lost in his darkening thoughts, San piped up:   
  
“No, it’s okay! Thank you for it. Truly. I appreciate the worry. But I am feeling better now, a lot better, in fact.”

Seonghwa blinked. That was not what he had expected. Why didn’t San demand stuff from him? Was it really because San wasn’t a girl? No, that couldn’t be it. A lot of male models wanted stuff from him. 

San was truly different, then. 

Seonghwa could be a bit different around him then, too.

“That’s.. A relief to hear,” Seonghwa admitted. 

“I’m actually surprised you can even feel something that’s not anger,” San then said.

Seonghwa blinked again. 

“Sorry, that was rude,” San mumbled.

Seonghwa could feel something weird bubbling in his stomach. It didn’t feel bad. It felt bright and a little wild. He remembered feeling this when he had been a child, when he hadn’t needed to be careful and could just  _ laugh _ whenever he wanted, how much he wanted. He hadn’t laughed in years, not really. He wanted to, now. San might think he was angry at his words, but they just felt refreshing to Seonghwa. And so hilarious. It seemed both of them were surprising each other today.

But in the end, the waiter came to their table and Seonghwa reeled himself in before he could laugh out loud. It was a relief to him - he wasn’t quite there yet. 

Rest of the evening and trip back to the hotel were spent in a comfortable silence, and Seonghwa couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

* * *

Seonghwa’s good mood continued to the next day. Their next sightseeing destination was a massive church on the same clearing the shopping mall was on. Seonghwa had seen the church on their visit to the mall, and was excited to see it closer when San told him of their plans. 

And it truly was magnificent! It would have made a perfect spot for a photoshoot, but Seonghwa didn’t know if he could suggest the idea to Jongho or anyone else without telling him how he knew about the church. Maybe San would be willing to take pictures of him…? No, he didn’t feel like asking him that. Besides, he was disguised. It wouldn’t even look good. Seonghwa suppressed a sigh of disappointment.

And the inside of the church was even more beautiful. Something about the atmosphere made Seonghwa feel at peace. He was even able to talk with San without it turning into an argument or having either of them annoyed out of their mind. It felt easy talking to San. It was interesting to get to know more about him. 

Seonghwa wanted more of that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of recounting the trip from Hwa's POV. Next up is new city :) Thanks for all the comments and kudos, love you all ♥

**Author's Note:**

> if you think i need to tag something please tell me, im still a noob. 
> 
> hmu on twitter @hwanfinity if you want to :)


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